Cywir Carennydd
by Lone One
Summary: A Marauders era fic, Remus centric. Everyone needs friends, even little werewolves. Complete.
1. Cychwyniad

Disclaimer: I own nothing, JK Rowling own it all. I'm making no money off of any of this, I swear- as if you couldn't tell. Don't sue, please.  
  
Cywir Carennydd  
  
1. Cychwyniad  
  
Sirius Black stood on Platform 9 ¾, gazing at the Hogwarts Express with an expression he hoped looked less idiotic to passersby than it felt on his face. It was not exactly that the train itself was overly fascinating, but the sheer number of people crowding around was overwhelming to him. Sirius' house was usually as quiet as a tomb, in spite of all his best efforts to correct the situation, and being surrounded by hundreds of people was making him a bit uncomfortable. He shook his head a little, and grabbing his luggage, started for the train. It only took a few moments to get his possessions stowed away, and then he was walking the length of the train looking for a place to sit. Sirius glanced out of one of the windows as he passed; outside, dozens of parents hugged their children goodbye, waved as they climbed aboard the train, called out loudly to their children through the windows. Sirius gave a small sigh. His parents had sent him in the company of a house elf who had escorted him to the barrier separating Platform 9 ¾ from the rest of Kings Cross Station, and then disappeared without a word. Sirius had not bothered to bid his family goodbye before leaving. There was no point, and life was far more pleasant when he did not speak to them at all. Now, finally, for the first time in his life, Sirius felt free of the entire Black family. He was free to be whatever he wanted, whoever he wanted, and that thought was enough to bring a grin to his face. Whistling softly, he continued through the train on his search for a free compartment.  
  
He had walked the about half the length of the train before he ran into James Potter- literally ran into him, because James, not looking where he was going, walked right into Sirius.  
  
"Ouch!" Sirius rubbed his shoulder where James had bashed it. "Watch where you're walking, Potter!"  
  
James grinned unashamedly. "Sorry, Sirius. Didn't see you there. This is bloody brilliant, isn't it? Can you believe we're actually here?"  
  
"You've only been counting the days for the last what? Eight years? And this comes as a shock to you that we're really here?" Sirius couldn't help needling James about his excitement, although he was just as thrilled. Hogwarts! Really and truly Hogwarts! That was enough to make anyone excited, he was sure. Together, Sirius and James continued down the train, stopping outside the last compartment. "I hope it's empty" Sirius said. "I really would rather not spend this whole trip with any of my cousins or anything." James grimaced and nodded in agreement.  
  
James shared Sirius' dislike of, well, almost all of his very large family. James Potter and Sirius Black had been friends since they were very young, both being from old wizarding families, and while the Blacks did not approve of the Potters views on most subjects, there was no denying that the Potter line was old and respected. Hoping that the influence of other "purebloods" would have a beneficial influence on young Sirius, the Blacks encouraged the friendship between the boys. This was a huge mistake, one the Blacks sincerely regretted now that Sirius was older, but there was no going back. James and Sirius might as well have been brothers; they were certainly closer than Sirius and Regulus, his actual brother, were.  
  
James opened the door to the last compartment, and both boys were pleased to see that the compartment was indeed free of any Black cousins, if not entirely empty. Two boys were already seated, and both looked up to see who had entered the compartment. Sirius didn't recognize either of them, but figured that was probably a good thing; he severely disliked most of the children his own age he knew because they had been chosen as "acceptable playmates" for him by his parents. Their taste in friends, Sirius thought wryly, was terrible.  
  
"D'you mind if we sit here?" James had already shut the door behind them, and was now directing the question to the compartment in general. The two strangers looked at each other; both shrugged, and that seemed to settle the matter. James and Sirius threw themselves onto two empty seats just in time for the train to begin moving. Sirius watched out the window as Platform 9 ¾ slid away from view; this was really it! He grinned at James, who threw back an equally excited smile. Sirius then decided that, the compartment having been silent for at least thirty-two seconds, it was time to begin a conversation. He extended his hand to the boy sitting closest to him.  
  
"Sirius Black. I'm a first year. I'm really excited to be going to Hogwarts - I just hope I don't get Sorted into Slytherin; that would be really rotten. I can't wait until we get to start learning real magic - our mischief-making capacities will increase then, I'm sure! D'you play Quidditch? James and I do. This is James, by the way, James Potter, and before you ask, we're not related - people always seem to think we are for some reason. We've known each other since we were really little, though, and we do most everything together, and we both really like pulling pranks - are you a prankster at all? We could maybe use another pair of hands to help with some of the tricks we have planned - we've been planning for this since we were eight, you see, although I reckon James here was born with Hogwarts on his mind."  
  
The strange boy had, during this introduction, shaken the hands of both James and Sirius, and nodded politely at each of them in turn as their names were given. He looked a bit taken aback by Sirius' loquaciousness, and rather as though he wasn't sure what to say at all. He was perhaps an inch shorter than James, although it was hard to be certain as they were all seated, and slightly pudgy, with thin hair of a dirty blonde color, and rather small eyes. Pleasant enough looking, Sirius decided as he observed him. The boy gave a weak smile.  
  
"Um - I'm Peter Pettigrew. I'm, er, not from a wizard family, so I don't really know much about, um, anything. Not about wizards and all of that, anyway." Peter seemed a bit nervous, but then who wouldn't be, in such an unfamiliar setting? And he was a Muggle-born. Sirius didn't care, never had cared about the pureblood nonsense that his family lived and breathed, but having a Muggle-born friend would be a fantastic way to upset his parents! Yes, Peter Pettigrew might be one to remember, always dependant on the results of the Sorting, of course. Sirius shifted his gaze to the other boy in the compartment.  
  
"Remus Lupin." That was all he said, looking at the others quietly. He did not look unpleasant or hostile, just thoughtful. Remus looked far smaller than the others, almost delicate. He was very pale, and looked rather tired, his blue-gray eyes very large in his face. He had longish light brown hair that was pulled back neatly. Sirius looked at him closely, wondering at his reticence. Remus looked, thought Sirius, like someone unused to displaying emotion - he didn't smile at them; in fact, he showed little emotion of any kind. Or maybe he was just good at controlling his expression? Sirius didn't know.  
  
"Well, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin, how do you feel about a game of Exploding Snap?" James grinned at the others as he pulled a deck of card from a pocket. Peter looked confused.  
  
"Exploding? The cards, d'you mean? They really explode?" Sirius laughed at the question, but didn't blame the boy for being a little nervous. Remus looked at the cards, and at the other boys, but said quietly,  
  
"No, thanks." James nodded, and he and Sirius began to attempt to teach Peter the basics of the game. He didn't catch on especially quickly, and Sirius found his attention wandering. He looked at Lupin out of the corner of his eye, and was surprised to see a hint of wistfulness on the boy's face as he watched their game. He looked like someone who had been excluded, but they had invited him to join them. Perhaps he was just overly shy.  
  
When the witch who pushed the food cart came through their compartment, all of the boys bought treats from her. James and Sirius liked the slightly dangerous Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans; Peter seemed determined to improve his knowledge of the wizarding world by trying every kind of sweet offered; Remus just looked hungry. Unlike Peter, Remus had no extra flesh on him at all; he looked downright unhealthy with his pallor and thinness. He seemed very fond of chocolate, Sirius noted, and he tossed one of his Chocolate Frogs at Remus with a small grin. Remus' head snapped up as he snatched the Frog from the air, looking shocked. The airborne candy had clearly taken him by surprise, and he looked closely at Sirius, obviously trying to determine if it was really meant for him. Sirius nodded, and was pleased to see a little smile of gratitude on Remus' face as he unwrapped the sweet. So the boy could smile, he thought.  
  
Sirius got up from his seat and moved over until he was sitting directly opposite Remus. James and Peter were in the middle of a discussion about Quidditch - or perhaps not so much a conversation as it was a monologue, with James rattling on at high speed about his favorite subject, and Peter listening with open-mouthed amazement. Remus had a book open on his lap - a textbook, Sirius noted, but had not actually been reading from it much. He had been watching the others quietly, just observing. Watching had its place, Sirius conceded, but life was no fun if you spent all your time on the sidelines just watching. As he changed seats, he saw Remus looking at him a bit apprehensively, and grinned at him.  
  
"So. Remus Lupin. Where are you from, then?"  
  
"Wales." The reply was very quiet, and Sirius was a bit discouraged. If Remus only intended to speak in single word sentences, communication was going to be very difficult. Remus shifted in his seat, though, and then continued speaking. "That is, we live in Wales now. We've moved a lot over the years, so I have lived in many different places." His voice was quiet and even, and oddly formal sounding, as if he was not used to speaking to others.  
  
Encouraged by Remus' continued communication, Sirius asked, "What's your family like?" James, Sirius and Peter had all conversed at great length over their card game, discussing their own families and lives, until they all felt that they knew each other. Remus, on the other hand, had been silent through the entire discussion, but Sirius knew that he had been listening.  
  
"Well," Remus began quietly," I live with my mam and da. My mam was Muggle born, and my da's family have been wizards from ages back. Both of my parents went to Hogwarts; they were so thrilled when I was accepted. We live in the middle of nowhere, miles from anyone else, actually, and I was schooled at home right up until now." That would explain his difficulties interacting with the others, Sirius thought; of course he would be shy and uncertain. Pleased that he had gotten the other boy to speak that much, Sirius tried to think of another question to ask, but was interrupted in his thoughts by the look on Remus' face. Remus was quite obviously trying hard not to yawn, and his face looked quite comical as he struggled. Finally he gave up, and covered his mouth as he yawned widely.  
  
"So sorry - that must seem so rude of me. It's not that I'm bored or anything, honestly, just - just tired." Remus looked extremely apologetic, and Sirius chuckled.  
  
"Don't worry about it! Really, you can't go around apologizing for little things like that; what will you ever do when we start pranking people? You'll be falling over yourself trying to offer apologies to the entire school! No, really, I think it's quite better if you stop apologizing at all. Unless it's for something really important, of course." Remus couldn't help but laugh at Sirius, and Sirius mentally patted himself on the back - he'd gotten the first laugh out of him!  
  
"Hey look," Remus said after a moment, "I think I'm going to shut my eyes for a bit, if you don't mind. Not that I'm falling asleep or anything, I just have a headache and the light makes it worse. I'm really not going to sleep."  
  
"No problem. And if you start snoring, James will probably throw something at your head, so no worries." With another smile, Remus shut his eves and leaned his head against the window, and was completely still within seconds. Sirius realized that he couldn't tell if the boy was sleeping or not, but as he was still breathing, Sirius didn't worry.  
  
An hour later, all of the boys were nearly asleep; the train ride seemed interminable. Suddenly, Remus stiffened a little, and muttered quietly "Great. Just fantastic." The others didn't have a chance to ask what was wrong before the door to their compartment banged open, and a tall boy walked in as if he owned it. He looked like a fifth year at least, and bore a striking resemblance to Remus.  
  
"There you are." The boy's voice was cold and hard as he stared at his brother. "Hiding in the back of the train, were you? And what's this? Other boys are sitting with you?" His tone was mocking, and Sirius felt a strong desire to punch him in the nose; astounding, really, how much Remus' brother reminded Sirius of his own brother Regulus. Both gits, he reflected. Remus, however, was perfectly calm.  
  
"Romulus." Remus said politely, not moving, or even opening his eves. "What a pleasant surprise. How have you been?"  
  
"Well enough, since I don't have to be around you" Romulus sneered. " Which brings me back to what I was saying. Why are these other children sitting with you? Who are they, anyway - oh!" Now he sounded surprised. "Sirius Black? And James Potter? Of course! It would have to be them, wouldn't it? But I thought they didn't-"  
  
"Romulus." Sirius turned his head to look directly at Remus, who was now sitting up with his eyes open, staring up at Romulus. Sirius wouldn't have believed two minutes ago that Remus would interrupt anyone, much less cut them off so forcefully with a single word. Remus spoke again, his voice firm.  
"You may not have heard, but Headmaster Dumbledore wishes to speak to both of us immediately upon arrival at Hogwarts. Until he is able to speak to us, he says to inform you that you are not to discuss the situation with anyone, on pain of expulsion from school - a fate you have too nearly approached far too many times in the past few years. Now, if you please, leave."  
  
And that seemed to be the end of things. Romulus glared at Remus as hatefully as Sirius had ever seen anyone look at another person. Remus took it in stride, and nodded politely at Romulus' retreating back before closing his eyes again and collapsing against the seat. Sirius looked at James, who shrugged back in confusion. They did not, however, get a chance to ask Remus anything, as the train began to slow to a halt just then. They had arrived at Hogwarts.  
  
A/N Hi. First off, my thanks to you for reading this! I hope that you liked it, because I had fun writing it. I've just discovered that I have a muse, and she's been beating me senseless with ideas for this story for weeks, and finally sat me down and forced me to write. I plan to continue this story, and hopefully updates will be fairly fast. FYI, the story title, " Cywir Carennydd" is Welsh for "True Friendship". It sounds better in Welsh. The chapter title, Cychwyniad, means Beginnings. Any reviews would be extremely appreciated- constructive criticism is the best, but if, by some chance, I should happen to get happy fluffy sweet reviews just saying you liked it- I'll probably cry with joy. So if making people happy makes you happy, please review! Many thanks! 


	2. Amddiffyniad

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns everything, I own… very little. I make no claim to any of her characters, situations or ideas, and am making no money whatsoever off of this work. Remus, Sirius and all of the others that belong to JK do not belong to me, sadly; I just like to play with them. 

2. Amddiffyniad 

As the Hogwarts Express pulled into the station, all four of the boys looked out of the nearest windows, straining against the darkness, trying to get a glimpse of their surroundings. In only a few moments, they had made their way off of the train, and now stood a few feet from it, unsure where to go. When they heard a loud voice bellowing for all the first years, they moved toward it gladly. Remus could make out a very large shape ahead of them- a giant man who towered above all of the students. As they drew within speaking range, a woman's voice rang out strongly above the chatter of students.

"Lupin! I'm looking for Romulus and Remus Lupin!" Remus looked nervously at the other three boys before taking a deep breath and stepping forward to speak to the woman, who happened to be standing very near the large man. She was rather stern looking; her hair was pulled back into a tight bun, her mouth a thin line as she looked over her glasses at the students milling around her. 

"I'm Remus Lupin." Remus said quietly, stepping directly into the woman's line of sight. She gave a small start and stared at him- not offensively, but with a very curious expression on her face that Remus was not entirely able to read. Surprise, perhaps, to see such a small, unthreatening figure where she looked for a dangerous werewolf? Concern at his tired appearance? Wary, certainly; she knew what he was, that was plain to see, and she was clearly not ready to welcome him with open arms. Still, on the whole, it was a much better reaction than Remus had prepared himself for, and he gave a tiny sigh of relief. To his right, he felt rather than saw Romulus appear in answer to the summons of a moment before. The woman apparently recognized him, for she gave a small nod in his direction before leading the two boys away.

"I am Professor McGonagall; I teach Transfiguration here at Hogwarts." McGonagall walked ahead of Remus, speaking to him over her shoulder as they proceeded, very quickly, towards the castle. It seemed they would be walking the entire way, but Remus didn't mind. He was glad of a chance to stretch his legs after the long ride. McGonagall continued to speak; "The Headmaster has asked me to bring both of you to his office before the Sorting Ceremony and the Feast. There is no need to worry about missing either event." 

Within a few moments, Remus found himself inside the Headmaster's office. He had walked through what seemed like a maze of corridors; he knew he would never be able to find his way back to the entrance hall they had come into on the way in by himself. He swallowed nervously as Albus Dumbledore's eyes fell on him. He had never met the Headmaster in person before, but was very much in awe of him. His parents had told him countless numbers of times what a wonderful person Dumbledore was, and how amazing it was that he would take such a chance, admitting Remus to his school. Remus agreed with them; he had nothing but the greatest admiration for the man who now stood in front of him, twinkling blue eyes fixed firmly on his face. 

"Well, well." Dumbledore's eyes became even merrier, and he smiled kindly at Remus, who couldn't help but gulp nervously. "Don't worry, Mr. Lupin. There is nothing for you to be concerned about; I merely wanted to discuss with you and your brother some of the special actions that will need to be taken to handle your unique situation. First of all, I am sure you agree with me that secrecy is of the utmost importance in this case?" Remus nodded violently; it had to be a secret, it absolutely had to. Dumbledore continued, "I know you know well enough not to speak of your condition to anyone. Romulus-" Remus' brother looked at Dumbledore coldly.

Romulus Lupin was in his sixth year at Hogwarts, and belonged to Slytherin House. To put it very mildly, he did not like Remus, and had made that very clear over the years. Romulus hadn't lived with his family for the past three years, choosing instead to spend holidays with his father's brother, the boys' Uncle Romulus. Remus' brother had been named after his uncle, continuing an old Lupin family tradition of naming first sons Romulus. No one knew anymore when it had started, but now it was an unbroken family rule. Remus' parents had thought it a nice idea to name their second son Remus, in deference to the ancient legend of the founders of Rome. Unfortunately, Romulus' hatred of Remus brought their own situation too close for comfort to the old legend; Romulus had actually tried to kill Remus, though he was obviously unsuccessful. The last time Remus had seen his older brother was immediately after his attack had failed; Remus' parents had ordered Romulus to leave. That had been three years previously, but it was obvious that Romulus still felt the same antipathy towards his brother that he had shown then. 

"I must ask you not to speak a word to anyone about Remus' condition." Dumbledore's voice was calm and cool, but there was no mistaking the steely note of determination in it. " You will not speak of it, or even hint about it to anyone, not even your friends. I must tell you, if I find that you have disobeyed me in this, I will have you removed from the school. I will not allow rivalry or hatred to stand between any student and his proper education at this school. Now, do I have your word that this information will stay confidential?"

"Yes, sir." Romulus' voice was cold and hard. Remus hated having only his brother's word standing between him and the discovery of his secret, but he decided that if Dumbledore was going to trust Romulus in this matter, he would follow the Headmasters lead. 

"Thank you. You may rejoin your friends now at the feast; it will not have begun yet." Romulus nodded his head once, sharply, and strode quickly from the room. Dumbledore turned his attention back to Remus with another smile. "Now then, Mr. Lupin, I do not wish to keep you from your Sorting. Your first transformation here will occur very soon, will it not?"

Remus shuddered a bit at the thought of what he was going to have to go through in a few days, but answered promptly, "Yes sir. Four days from now, sir."

Dumbledore gave another small nod, and a small sigh. "It is must unfortunate, Mr. Lupin- Remus, if I may." Remus just nodded. " On the day of the full moon, I would like you to report to the Infirmary a few hours before moonrise. You may introduce yourself to Madam Pomfrey, and she will take care of you from there. She has the full details of your situation, and will be able to answer all of your questions. Now, do you have any questions you would like me to answer for you?"

Remus considered. He had a million things he would have liked to ask, but didn't feel this was the time. One thought struck him, though, and he asked quietly, "Yes, there is one thing. What if- what will happen if any of the students find out about my- my lycanthropy? I am assuming that the teachers already know."

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, the teachers have all been informed; they will do their best to assist you however they can. As to the other students, I would first suggest that you do everything in your power to keep this information from them. If, however, this does not work, I am prepared to employ mild Memory Charms to keep the knowledge from those who do not need to know. All of the students are better off not knowing. We will do what must be done to keep your secret safe, I promise you that."

Remus felt incredibly relieved. He managed a small, shaky smile at Dumbledore as he thanked him. Smiling felt strange. Remus did not often smile, a fact that disturbed his parents; a smile felt unnatural now on his face, and laughter was even rarer and stranger. Still, if any situation deserved a smile, surely this one did, so Remus did his best to make it look sincere and normal. Dumbledore stood and walked toward the door, speaking as he walked. 

"I believe we had now better be taking you down to rejoin your classmates. They will be arriving just about now, so you will not have missed anything." The two walked silently through the halls and corridors of Hogwarts, Remus staring in wonder around him the entire time. It was wholly the most marvelous building he had ever been in, and felt more homelike than he ever would have thought possible. Within moments, Dumbledore had shown him to a door, and told him quietly that he was to join his classmates inside the room. Remus raised his eyes to Dumbledore's face, and suddenly felt a surge of gratitude and affection toward the old man. 

"Thank you." Remus whispered fervently. "Thank you so much- for everything." He turned quickly and ducked inside the door, closing it silently behind him. He found himself at the back of a crowd of children- almost all of whom were taller than he, Remus reflected with a silent sigh of exasperation. He decided he was best off standing still and trying to look inconspicuous, and was succeeding at it quite admirably until a tall wizard dressed entirely in black strode into the room through the door behind Remus. 

"It is time for the Sorting. Follow me, in silence, if you please." His voice was calm and even; he sounded like a man who is used to being obeyed without question. This seemed to be an accurate assessment as the children lined up silently and began to follow him. Remus wondered nervously if the other children knew what was going on, if they had been told what was going to happen while he was with Dumbledore. Remus' parents had assured him that the Sorting was nothing to be afraid of, but had refused to give details, saying that would spoil the surprise. Suddenly, Remus was jolted out of his silent thoughts by a hand coming to rest suddenly on his shoulder. 

Remus was unused to physical contact. Ever since the attack that had changed his life, he avoided touching anyone, for any reason. He didn't exactly know why, only that touching anyone, or having anyone touch him, made him extremely uncomfortable. His parents worried about that, and he had gradually learned to tolerate their touch, allowing them to hug him once in a while, or, more often, to bandage his wounds. Having a stranger touch him was a completely different matter, and when the strange hand descended onto his shoulder, he flinched violently and jerked away from the unwelcome contact.

"Hey, hey!" The voice was surprised, to say the least, but very quiet- apparently the tall man's warning to be silent had made an impression. "I'm sorry- didn't mean to startle you. Are you OK? We couldn't find you after we got off the train- everything all right?" It was Sirius Black, the talkative boy from the train. Remus tried to calm down- Sirius had shocked him. Breathe normally, he told himself. Sirius was staring at him, looking quite concerned.

"I'm fine." Remus' voice was quiet and even, sounding completely under control. He congratulated himself silently. "You startled me, that's all."

"Sorry about that" Sirius whispered contritely. "You looked like you were about to have heart failure!"

"I'm a little nervous about the Sorting." Remus didn't mind admitting that; it was true, and natural under the circumstances. "I have no idea what's going on."

"Oh, right" Sirius said, still keeping his voice low. "You weren't with us, were you? Not that they really told us what's going to happen, but Professor Muerno- he's the tall guy up there, rather creepy really; apparently he's the Deputy Headmaster and the teacher of Defense against the Dark Arts- anyway, he just told us that we were going to take part in the Sorting Ceremony, and it was nothing to worry about. Then he told us to make ourselves look "decent" and left. So we're not supposed to worry- I hate it when people tell me that, you know? It never helps, and usually it means there is something to worry about and they don't want me to know." He scowled in mock frustration. Remus, not knowing what to say, merely nodded. 

Sirius was very friendly, Remus reflected. Far too friendly. Remus had decided before stepping foot on the Hogwarts Express that he would need too keep his distance from those around him; his secret made that a necessity. So he knew he would not be making friends, despite his mother's wishes. Friends were a danger he could not afford- and besides, he could live without them. He hadn't had any friends since he was bitten, and had learned to live with loneliness; solitude became a companion instead of something to be feared. So Remus had boarded the Express with the idea of keeping quite silent- being pleasant and polite to everyone, of course, but establishing a baseline for the rest of his time at Hogwarts. He had not planned on having a conversation, being included in plans for mischief making, or being forced into a public confrontation with Romulus. And now, here was Sirius Black again, talking nonstop, grinning at him in such a friendly manner, and Remus was astounded to find all of his old resolve dissolving. He wanted to grin back, and help plan mischief and have fun- he wanted a friend. But that was a useless desire. And now Sirius was looking curiously at the melancholy expression that had crept onto Remus' face as he thought silently. 

"You," Sirius said thoughtfully, "Need to cheer up. Badly. It wouldn't kill you to smile, would it? You look as though you never smile." 

"No- I-" Remus was totally lost, struggling for something to say. "I suppose I haven't had much to smile about." The last was a quiet mutter, so soft Sirius looked as though maybe he hadn't heard it. Their arrival in the Great Hall precluded any more questions, though, to Remus' relief. 

As they walked toward the front of the Hall, Remus remembered to look at the ceiling, as his father had mentioned he should do. He gave an almost inaudible gasp of surprise as he saw what looked to be the open sky far above him, with lit candles suspended in midair many feet above his head. Sirius also looked up, and Remus heard a muttered exclamation of astonishment from him. 

Remus' gaze was drawn inexorably to the moon; almost full. She was beautiful tonight, he thought sadly, beautiful and terrible. He had never lost his appreciation for her changing beauties, and prided himself on knowing her face as well as he knew his own. He still could not suppress a small shudder, though, as he gazed sadly at her; so beautiful, so calm and peaceful she looked, and yet she was the cruelest thing he knew. The beauty of the moon was evident to all, but only Remus could see her cold and terrible malevolence.

Remus found himself now among the crowd of children, all milling about in a desperate attempt to hide behind one another, all seeking to avoid the hundreds of eyes turned on them by the older students and the professors. He drew himself up tightly, shrinking as best he could until he took up as little room as possible to avoid being in contact with anyone else. He barely registered the events taking place around him as he continued to stare up into the sky- the entire sky was very beautiful tonight, the stars bright and clear. 

He paid little attention to the song the old, tattered hat on the table in front of him sang, merely absorbing the information its' song imparted. They were to be Sorted by trying on the hat, then, were they? Remus decided he could handle that well enough. He wondered briefly what House he would be placed in. His father Nicholas had been a Gryffindor, while his mother Mabyn had been a member of Ravenclaw. Remus thought that either of those Houses sounded fantastic, and he wouldn't really mind being a Hufflepuff. He did, however, have quite strong feelings about Slytherin House; he most certainly did not want to be there. He was quite afraid, though, that that was where he would be placed. Everyone knew that Slytherin was the House where all of those inclined to evil or the Dark Arts went. Who would be more likely to be placed with the Dark ones than a Dark Creature? Yes, Remus reflected gloomily, I'm sure to be a Slytherin. 

He had not been paying attention to the Sorting occurring in front of him. He did, however, focus his attention when "Black, Sirius!" was called forward. Remus watched as Sirius sat, his face half covered by the tattered old hat. When the hat gave a shout of "Gryffindor!" Remus noted with a small amount of surprise the shock evident on most faces. Remus knew that a Black in Gryffindor house was unheard of, for centuries at least. He knew the reputation the Black family had, and it was well deserved, but he disliked the fact that most here seemed so shocked by the idea that one Black might not be as inclined to evil as the rest of his family. It was quite unfair to judge a person by the acts of his family, something over which he had no control. Remus scowled mentally even as he joined in the delayed applause for Sirius' placement. 

The Sorting was proceeding far too fast, Remus thought a few moments later. They had already reached the L's, and Lupin was sure to be only a few names away. Sure enough, "Lupin, Remus" was called after the previous student had scampered away, and Remus reluctantly stepped forward. There were far too many eyes focusing on him. He had spent so many years hiding from everyone, and now he was the focus of hundreds of burning stares. He chanced a quick glimpse at the table where the teachers were seated, only to find that they were staring with more interest at him than they had shown for any of the other students. 

_Curious to see where the werewolf will be placed? Well, so am I. _

Taking a deep calming breath, Remus slid onto the stool, feeling ridiculously small, and fidgeting a bit as the hat was placed on his head. 

"Ah, here we are then!" The voice was inside Remus' head, he was sure, and he didn't have any idea how to respond. "No, no, don't worry, I just need to have a quick look around and see what you're made of. So, you're the little Lone One, then, are you?" Remus knew he jumped at this, even though he had expected the hat to be able to see that. The subject had never been brought up that casually to him before, and he was a bit thrown. The voice continued, "I've been wondering what I'll do with you- you're not what I expected, you know." 

_Really_? Remus thought directly at the hat, hoping it could hear him.

"Oh yes" it replied with a small chuckle. "You're very brave, and loyal, and quite brainy, you know, but quite lonely, and far sadder than any child your age should ever be. You need friends, my boy, good friends; you would do well in any of the Houses- except Slytherin. No, you're not a Slytherin at all, but any of the others would suit you, I think. Hmmm, let's see- ah yes, what's this? Honorable- yes, quite honorable- yes, my boy, I think you'll make an excellent Gryffindor!"

Remus stood on slightly shaky legs and looked around. The teachers were now wearing very different expressions; some looked shocked, one or two horrified, and a few, like Dumbledore, looked quite pleased. Dumbledore gave Remus a tiny wink and a nod, and he found himself walking towards the Gryffindor table, which was cheering him just as it had every other new addition it had received that night. Remus felt a surge of joy- he was, to them, no different from any of the other, normal children who had been Sorted there that night. That would change, of course, if they ever found out what he was, but he stepped on that notion. No one would ever find out. 

He reached the table and saw Sirius Black waving madly at him. "Congratulations, Remus!" Sirius shouted joyfully as Remus hesitantly took a seat next to him at his insistence. "Knew you had it in you!" Remus again evaluated the situation, and decided that a smile was in order. He tried hard to smile broadly back at Sirius, but felt it was coming off as a rather small and pathetic effort. This just seemed to make Sirius even wilder. "And there! You can smile, I knew it! We're going to have to work on that, you know." Both boys turned their attention back to the Sorting, waiting to see the results of James' Sorting. Peter Pettigrew was Sorted before James, of course, and joined them at the Gryffindor table, followed very soon after by James, who wore a broad, proud grin. 

By the time the Sorting was over and Dumbledore had made a few rather irrelevant remarks, Remus was sure he was going to die of hunger before the feast was served. He gave a small cry of delight when the table in front of him was suddenly filled with food, and began to eat hungrily. He was always extra hungry in the several days preceding his transformations, and today was no exception. The food was fantastic, and by the time they were finished, Remus felt quite content. Dumbledore stood again and addressed the crowd.

"Well, now that we've all eaten, I would like to make a few announcements. The Forbidden Forest, as it's name might seem to imply, is forbidden to all students. Mr. Filch wished me to remind all of you that there is to be no magic performed in the corridors between classes. Also, we have just seen to the planting of a new and dangerous tree on the school grounds. This tree is known as a Whomping Willow, and is likely to attack if you venture near it. Please remain a safe distance from it at all times. And that is all I have to say! Now, I believe that an appropriate way to finish off the evening would be with a rendition of the Hogwarts School Song. If you will all pick your favorite tune, we can begin!" 

With these words, Dumbledore waved his wand, and words appeared in midair. The student body burst into song, to hundreds of different tunes and tempos. Remus thought it one of the messiest noises he had ever heard, and the words of the song seemed so ridiculous that they were quite hard to sing. Remus sang quickly and quietly, not wanting to draw attention to himself. Sirius and James, on the other hand, had thrown everything they had into the song. Their arms around each other's shoulders, they had leapt up onto the seats and begun to sing at the top of their lungs, with huge maniacal grins on their faces. They were probably the most noticeable people in the Hall, and got quite a few laughs as they continued to give the performance their all. 

Finally, when the song had ended, Dumbledore shooed all of the students off to bed. Laughing and talking, they filed through the doors, and the Gryffindors followed their Prefects towards their new home. Remus walked quietly, paying close attention to the turns they made, determined to figure out exactly where everything was as soon as possible. He hated not knowing where he was at any time. He was also beginning to feel truly exhausted; the nap on the train had done him some good, but he was always tired so close to the full moon, and it had been an extremely long day. By the time they reached Gryffindor Tower, he was certain he was going to fall over before he made it to bed. The Prefects showed them exactly where they were to go, and by dint of sheer effort, Remus managed to clamber onto the bed that was supposed to be his before falling asleep. He was unable to keep awake long enough to change his robes, or even to close his curtains. As he fell asleep, his last thought was one of strange contentment as he glanced around the room. This was where he was meant to be. 

Author's Note: I know it has taken far too long to update; I blame my brick of a computer. Many, many thanks to those who reviewed- I appreciate it so much! I swear this will eventually have some really original ideas, but if my computer doesn't start cooperating, it might take a little while to get to them. The meaning of the Welsh title for this chapter is "Protections", referring both to the protections Dumbledore gives Remus and the protections afforded to him by placing him in Gryffindor House. As ever, please leave a review- they really help me with my writing. Thank you all! __


	3. Dysgeidiaeth

Disclaimer: I own them not. JK hath created them and owneth them. I claim them not, nor do I seek to profit from this work. I wish only to amuse myself in this most fascinating of worlds; therefore, I beg, sue me not, for I am destitute.  
  
3. Dysgeidiaeth  
  
James Potter came slowly awake, experiencing a moment of confusion as he registered his unfamiliar surroundings. He laughed a little at himself when memory rushed back to him- he was at Hogwarts, of course! How on Earth could he have forgotten? He had been looking forward to this his whole entire life; he had grown up on his father's stories of the magnificent castle, the mischief he had gotten up to with the other Gryffindor boys, and the classes he had taken. James couldn't remember a time when he wasn't sure he would attend Hogwarts himself.  
  
He climbed out of bed quickly, unwilling to waste a moment of his first day in bed. It was only seven o'clock, though, so he restrained himself from waking any of the other boys up. He looked around the dorm in the near silence. There was Sirius, completely hidden under a pile of blankets; Sirius was not an early riser, generally, and James knew he would not take kindly to being woken just yet. Peter was lying in the bed nearest the door, his snores the only noise audible. James snickered quietly as he caught sight of a stuffed teddy bear clasped in the boy's arms. Blackmail material if he had ever seen it!  
  
The fourth bed, next to the window, was occupied by Remus. The night before, Remus had collapsed on his bed as soon as they had reached the dorm. He hadn't said a word or moved as the other boys prepared for bed, so Sirius had wandered over towards him to say good night, and had whispered, grinning, to the others that Remus was asleep already! James saw that he was in the exact same position he had collapsed into last night, curled up into a little ball in the center of his bed, not having changed into his pajamas. He had looked awfully tired on the train, James reflected, so it wasn't really surprising.  
  
James had a shower, got dressed, and went through all of his belongings, searching for something to do. Finally, at seven-thirty, he decided he couldn't take it any longer and went to wake Sirius. James and Sirius had been friends since before they could remember; their houses were only feet apart, and they were practically inseparable. Sirius spent most of his life at James' house to escape his horrible family, and James was happy to share his own family with his friend. James was an only child, and he considered his parents ideal. They didn't hover over him, but they were very affectionate, and he was close to them. They had accepted that Sirius was James' adopted twin, and treated him no differently from their own son.  
  
James crept up to Sirius' bed, and with a loud, wordless yell, launched himself at the lump of bedcovers that was his friend. Sirius yelled equally loudly, and struggled to sit up, shoved James over the edge of the bed onto the floor, then, as he gained consciousness, jumped on top of James. After only a few seconds of scuffling, it was wordlessly established that James was very sorry for waking Sirius up in such a manner, and would never do so again. With that out of the way, the boys disentangled themselves from the bedclothes that had accompanied Sirius onto the floor. James tried to shove his messy hair out of his eyes- needed a trim, he thought- and looked around the room again. Peter had managed to sleep through the entire thing! Remus was sitting up on his bed, rubbing sleepily at his eyes with his fists and struggling not to yawn.  
  
"Morning!" James was always cheery in the mornings, and liked to spread it around to all those near him. Sirius glared at the back of his head, not nearly as chipper, then shifted his glare to the bright sunshine streaming through the window.  
  
"Is it? Is it really? I couldn't tell. I thought you just decided to pounce on me in the middle of the night for no reason! That is a horrible way to wake a guy up, James, you know that!" Sirius' voice was annoyed as he threw his covers back onto his bed messily, but he didn't sound angry. Remus was climbing out of his own bed, looking half asleep still.  
  
"Good morning" Remus said quietly to both of the others as he took a new uniform out of his trunk and made his was to the showers. Not a new uniform, James corrected himself; the robes had clearly been worn many times and looked rather faded, but they were neat and clean. James and Sirius' families were both very old and very rich, and they were used to having the very best of everything. James reminded himself that most students were not as well off as they were, and that it would be very rude to comment on the state of someone else's clothes.  
  
"D'you think we should try to wake Peter up?" Sirius asked James. "We've got to go to breakfast before long- I think he'd be upset if he missed it."  
  
"Yeah, think you're right." James agreed, and he and Sirius began to attempt to wake Peter. It was a difficult task, as Peter was a very sound sleeper, and Sirius finally became very frustrated, and rolled him right off of his bed. Peter woke up at that, and was quite upset; he stomped off in a huff just as Remus came back into the dorm. The three boys were all silent for a few minutes as they gathered up their school supplies and put them in their bags. When Peter rejoined them, all four boys headed off towards the Great Hall- or at least they tried to. James was leading the way, and managed to get them all quite lost. Remus finally stepped forward and took the lead, and managed to take them all straight to breakfast.  
  
"How on Earth did you find the way back here?" James asked in frustration. "I had us wandering around lost for half an hour, and you find the way just like that! Why didn't you tell us how to get here before?"  
  
Remus shrugged lightly. "I wasn't quite sure I knew where I was going, really- I tried to pay attention last night, but I didn't know if I had it right."  
  
The four boys took their seats at the Gryffindor table, helping themselves to the food in front of them. James noted that Peter went directly for the sweet foods, while Remus seemed to have every kind of meat offered piled onto his plate. James and Sirius tried some of just about everything- amazing how soon the appetite returned full force, even after the huge feast of the night before. The first year schedules were handed out a few minutes after they began eating, and James looked at his with interest. They had Defense Against the Dark Arts first, followed by Charms, History of Magic and then Transfigurations.  
  
"Full schedule today." Sirius commented, looking at his own paper. "I suppose we should get moving- Defense starts in half an hour, and we're likely to get lost trying to find our way there." The others boys agreed, and after a quick stop in their dorm room to pick up their textbooks and bags, they headed in the direction they believed their classroom to be in. True to Sirius' prediction, they did get lost, finding the classroom only moments before class was supposed to begin. The four boys darted inside and took the first seats they could find, which put them in the very front of the classroom, under the penetrating stare of the teacher.  
  
James recognised him from the previous night- Professor Muerno, if he recalled correctly. He said he was the head of Slytherin House, and Deputy Headmaster of Hogwarts, and Sirius said he was "creepy". James had to agree. He was quite tall, with dark hair and icy blue eyes. Muerno fixed the four boys with an evil glare, causing Peter to shrink in his seat and let out a little squeak of fear. James swallowed nervously, and was very relieved when the professor turned and moved behind his desk, picking up a piece of parchment that lay on it.  
  
"Good morning" Muerno said, his voice calm and less than friendly; James thought it sounded like he would rather be wishing them a "highly painful and annoying morning". Muerno continued, "Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts. This is one of the most important classes you will take while attending school here, so I insist that you all pay strict attention. I will not tolerate any mischief making in this classroom. It is my job to educate you all in all areas of Defense, including Dark Magic, curses, and of course, Dark Creatures." Muerno's eyes glittered, and James shivered. The man looked ready to pounce; James felt quite sorry for any Dark Creature unlucky enough to find itself in the classroom.  
  
Muerno smiled suddenly, though it was not an entirely pleasant expression. "So" he said cheerfully, "let's begin, shall we?" He began to call the roll off of the parchment that he held, staring at each student as he called their name, looking as though he were trying to memorize their faces. There weren't many students in the class- there were only four Gryffindor boys in the first year, and five girls. James tried to remember their names as the professor called them off, but the only one he could remember was Lily Evans, a pretty redhead with bright green eyes. James hadn't much use for girls, and didn't see any real point in attempting to remember their names- he's learn them in time.  
  
When Muerno had finished his list and memorization, he looked the class over carefully for a moment before speaking again. "In this class, you will be taught about a great number of creatures and spells that you may find frightening. You will learn to face your greatest fears- beginning today." He reached for something behind his desk, and straightened up with a large box in his arms, which he carefully placed on his desk. "Today, we will see how each of you reacts when confronted with the thing you fear the most. I wish to see what it is you fear, and how you respond to fear. You need not worry- I will be here to assure that no one is harmed, no matter what you may see. Who would like to begin?"  
  
James looked around quickly, and saw that the rest of the class, like he himself, had gone dead white. How did Muerno know what they feared? What were they expected to do? What, in fact, did he fear most? There was no way on Earth that James would volunteer to be the first, and it seemed the entire class shared his sentiments.  
  
"Very well then" Muerno said in an icy voice a moment later. "Since we seem to have a lack of volunteers from the House of the Brave, I suppose I will have to choose. Mr. Lupin."  
  
Remus started, and went even whiter- a feat that James would have sworn ten seconds ago was not possible. Now he looked like a ghost, and his eyes had gone huge in his face. He grabbed his wand and stood, slightly shakily, facing Muerno.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Lupin, this will be an... interesting sight, I'm sure." Muerno said coldly- why was he glaring at Remus like that, James wondered. He had looked unpleasantly at all of them, but the look he was giving Remus seemed only just short of murderous. The professor moved behind his desk, turned the box so its opening faced Remus, and quickly opened the box. There was a loud cracking noise that made James blink, and when he looked again, he saw only a large, shimmery orb floating in the air in front of Remus. It was shining with a silvery light that made it look incredibly familiar to James, but he didn't know what it reminded him of.  
  
Remus raised his wand, pointed it at the orb, and said shakily "Riddikulus!" There was another cracking noise, and the orb was gone. James looked around the room, and finally saw a large round wheel of cheese which was being nibbled at by a mouse lying on the floor in front of Remus, who was now looking apprehensively at the teacher. Muerno looked livid. He glared at Remus with an incredible amount of hatred.  
  
"What did you think you were doing?" Muerno's voice wasn't loud, but cold and dangerous.  
  
"Fighting that Boggart." Remus replied evenly. James saw his hands clenched tightly on his wand, knuckles white.  
  
"Encountered them before, have you?"  
  
"No. I read about them in our textbook, though."  
  
Muerno looked incredulous. "You are trying to tell me that you, a first year student, read about Boggarts in the textbook, and from that, you were able to recognize and defeat one? The Riddikulus spell is advanced magic; Boggarts are usually not introduced until third year."  
  
Remus looked upset, but didn't seem to know what to say. He stood in silence.  
  
"Well" the professor said after a moment. "Well, well. That was certainly a unique approach to the problem, Mr. Lupin. Presumptuous and flashy. Take your seat."  
  
Remus sat down, now flushed and miserable-looking. James and Sirius, however, were both livid. This was ridiculous! Remus had known what he was fighting, had defeated it, facing his fears and performing an advanced piece of magic in the process, and Muerno was acting as if it was a bad thing!  
  
James saw Sirius grab his textbook from his desk and begin to flip through, James quickly understood what he was doing, and copied him. Thankfully, Muerno didn't notice, as he was calling up the Gryffindor girls one at a time. The girls all saw the things they most feared, and reacted by screaming at the spiders, dragons, vampires and other specters. Remus still sat with his head down, looking miserable, while Peter looked as though he might faint.  
  
James elbowed Remus in the ribs "Remus!" James' voice was a low whisper that he desperately hoped wouldn't carry. "Remus, show us what you did."  
  
"What?" Remus was incredulous. "You'll get in trouble!"  
  
"I don't care." Sirius hissed. "We're going to do exactly the same as you did- you were great!"  
  
Remus stared at them for a moment, then shrugged, and began to speak very quickly. "It's a Boggart- it'll make itself look what you fear the most. You have to make it become something unthreatening- something amusing. Think of something to do to your worst fear to make it funny. That's what the spell does- you say 'Riddikulus'."  
  
James thought quickly, running through different ways of making scary things funny. By the time Muerno called on him, he had several ideas to try. He clenched his wand firmly in his hand as he walked to the desk. AS Muerno released the Boggart, it became a huge green snake, slithering towards James.  
  
"Riddikulus!" James shouted, pointing his wand at the snake. Nothing happened, and he began to panic a bit. "Riddikulus!" He grinned in amusement as it suddenly tied itself into a bow, from which it struggled to escape, hissing menacingly. Muerno quickly Banished it back into its box, and stared down at James. James tensed, but stood straight and looked him in the eye.  
  
"Well done." James gasped in shock at the words; how on Earth could he say that after what he had said to Remus? "Take your seat, Mr. Potter." James did as he was told, still staring at Muerno. Sirius was called next, and gave the same performance as James had, receiving the same response. He also struggled a bit to get the results Remus had achieved so easily. Peter was the last student to be called, and to his relief, the class period ended just before he had to face to Boggart. Peter left the classroom at a dead run, obviously desperate to get away from Muerno.  
  
As they all stood to leave the classroom, Muerno said coldly, "Mr. Lupin, a word if you please."  
  
Remus put his books back down on his desk, and walked to stand before the teacher's desk at the front of the classroom. James and Sirius paused in the doorway, looking back in towards their friend.  
  
"You may go, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black." There was no arguing with that tone, and the two walked out of the classroom, closing the door behind them. Sirius was still fuming.  
  
"What was he playing at? Really, what was he thinking? Yelling at Remus for fighting the Boggart, and then praising us for the exact same thing? That's- that's ridiculous!" James nodded in agreement, but didn't say anything- what was there to say?  
  
James moved as close to the door as he dared, Sirius close behind him as they strained to hear the conversation inside. Muerno's voice was low and dangerous sounding, and they couldn't hear much of what was said.  
  
"...do not belong here. I will not tolerate any behavior from you that is less than perfect. I will not hesitate to have you removed from this school given the slightest provocation- and you know I can. I will not make any allowances for you in your work, either. You will perform to the same standard all of your classmates are held to. Also, I trust that when we are discussing matters of ...personal significance to you in this class, you will not be offering any defiance as to the methods or content of my instruction. Are we clear on all of this?" James looked quizzically at Sirius to see if any of that made sense to him; Sirius shrugged, looking as confused as James felt.  
  
"Now get out of my classroom." Muerno said coldly. James and Sirius dashed away from the door to stand a few feet outside, looking casual. They waited as Remus emerged, looking positively ill.  
  
"Hey!" Sirius said, dashing over to him. "What'd he say?" Remus looked up at him, a look of shock rushing over his face.  
  
"What are you guys doing here? I- I thought you'd have gone to our next class."  
  
James snorted. "Not likely! You thought we'd walk off while you were still in there with that git?"  
  
"What did he say?" Sirius persisted.  
  
Remus shook his head, looking upset again. "Umm, nothing much- he said he didn't appreciate me getting 'uppity' and messing up his class."  
  
Sirius looked ready to scream. "How can he say that? You're the only reason we learned anything at all in that lesson!"  
  
James said, "Guys? Can we discuss this on the way to our next class? We're going to be late if we don't hurry!"  
  
Remus nodded agreement, looking relieved to not have to continue answering Sirius' questions. Sirius didn't seem to realize this, though.  
"How did you know what it was? And what was that that your Boggart turned into? I didn't recognize it."  
  
Remus sighed and answered quietly and politely, not looking at either of the others. "Like I said, I read about it. I was interested in Defense more than any other subject before I came here. And I'd really rather not discuss my Boggart, if you don't mind."  
  
Sirius looked like he wanted to pester Remus about it, but they had just arrived at the Charms classroom, so he didn't have the opportunity. The Charms lesson went well enough, although it seemed quite dull after the previous class. Lily Evans, the redhead James had noticed earlier, was clearly the best in the class.  
  
As soon as class let out, the four boys made their way towards the Great Hall for lunch, only getting lost three times. Sirius continued to try to get information from Remus about the DADA lesson and their professor's reaction, without much luck. James noticed that Remus was very, very good at carefully not giving information without making it obvious he was doing so, all the time being incredibly polite.  
  
The four sat together to eat lunch, but had only been sitting for a moment before a tall seventh year Gryffindor boy came up behind them.  
  
"Rumor has it that a first year figured out Muerno's Boggart trick and beat it on his first try. D'you lads know anything about that?"  
  
"Yes!" Sirius looked thrilled that the news had spread so fast; Remus looked as though he would like to disappear. "That was Remus here. Then he taught James and me how to fight it, and we beat the thing too, but he's the one who figured it all out."  
  
The older boy looked very impressed. "Way to go, mate! I'm Caradoc Dearborn- pleased to meet you."  
  
Remus inclined his head politely. "Remus Lupin. Likewise."  
  
"Lupin?" Caradoc asked curiously. "Not like the Aurors Lupin?"  
  
"Umm, yes, actually, they're my mam and da."  
  
"What's this, Remus?" James asked curiously. "What about your parents?" But Caradoc answered quickly.  
"His parents are world famous Aurors! I grew up hearing stories about them."  
  
James was puzzled. "My dad's an Auror- why hasn't he ever mentioned your parents? I mean, he tells me about the people he works with all the time, and I'm pretty sure he's never said a word about any Lupins."  
  
"They haven't worked as Aurors for quite a while. My mam's been out of it for ten years, my da for six. Dumbledore just asked them to come back a few months ago, and they agreed."  
  
Caradoc looked like he was about to explode with excitement. "Really? Mabyn and Nicholas Lupin are coming back? That's incredible! Wait'll I tell Frank- he wants to be an Auror as much as I do! Great meeting you, mate- congratulations on this morning!" With a quick wave at the four, Caradoc was gone. James and Sirius stared at Remus.  
  
"Your parents are famous? Really? And you didn't mention it to us?" Sirius was curious to know.  
  
"I didn't realize. They've been out of the field so long, I figured everyone would have forgotten."  
  
James and Sirius accepted this, and went back to eating. Peter didn't seem to have paid any attention to the conversation whatsoever. Suddenly, a thought struck James.  
  
"I've been meaning to ask you- who was the guy you were talking to on the train yesterday? He seemed a right git."  
  
Remus looked a little sour. "That pleasant fellow was my brother Romulus. He's a Slytherin. We don't get along. I haven't seen him in three years- he lives with my Uncle Romulus."  
  
Sirius looked at him curiously. "You knew he was coming before he walked in, didn't you? You said something about it, I remember."  
  
"I heard him coming" Remus said, shrugging uncomfortably. James bounced on to another subject that he'd been curious about.  
  
"Why did the two of you have to talk to Dumbledore? And what wasn't Romulus supposed to talk about?"  
Remus now appeared to be very interested in examining his plate as he muttered, "Umm, I can't talk about it either. It's nothing important."  
  
James doubted that; it certainly seemed as though Remus wasn't telling them the entire story. But then, it was his business, wasn't it? He could tell them if he wanted. Satisfied with this thought, James turned back to his food. The events of the morning had certainly given him an appetite; he barely noticed the suspicious looks Sirius was giving Remus.  
  
A/N Would you look at this, I managed to update fairly quickly! This is mainly due to my dear muse being incredibly annoying until I sat down to work, and the fact that I just got a new computer, one that actually works. Again, many thanks to those who reviewed- it's so nice to know that someone is enjoying this! Welsh Word of the Day; today's chapter title means "Learning". Please leave a review- please? You will have my undying gratitude! 


	4. Ymddiddan

           Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except that which is not owned by J.K. Rowling or her affiliates or her lawyers or Warner Brothers or Scholastic Books or anyone else associated with Harry Potter. Please don't sue. I'm not making any money off of this, nor am I attempting to. 

            Chapter 4- Ymddiddan

            Sirius Black had decided five minutes into the feast the night before that he was in love with the kitchen staff at Hogwarts. He was sure his father had mentioned once that there was a veritable army of House Elves at Hogwarts; presumably, it was they who did the cooking. Sirius didn't especially care- he just loved the food. He concentrated on his lunch, trying very hard to keep himself from bursting with all of the questions he wanted to ask Remus. He restrained himself only because he saw how nervous they were making him with all of the questioning. As much as Sirius wanted the information, he was unwilling to make Remus that uncomfortable trying to get him to answer their questions. Sirius decided it didn't matter; they would find out in due time. After all, it wasn't as if anyone could keep secrets from James Potter and Sirius Black, hard as they might try. And Remus was definitely keeping secrets. 

            After lunch, they had History of Magic class. Sirius tried very hard to pay attention and take notes for the first five minutes. Failing that, he decided that merely staying awake and maintaining a pretense of interest would do just as well. This plan, too, was scrapped within moments. Professor Binns was just too boring to listen to for any amount of time; his voice droned on and on incessantly, and his subject matter was horribly dull.  

            Fifteen minutes into class, Sirius gave it up as a bad job and put his head down on his arms, unable to keep awake any longer. He spent a moment hoping before he drifted off to sleep that he wouldn't snore too loudly and get himself in trouble; he didn't think that would be a huge problem, though, as Peter was already snoring loudly enough to disrupt any other class, and Binns hadn't noticed at all. 

            "Guys? Come on, wake up. Class is over- we need to get moving." Remus' voice woke Sirius from his blissful slumber; he had been having a very nice dream. Raising his head, Sirius saw that the class was filing sleepily out of the room, the Hufflepuffs with whom they had shared the lesson turning left out the door, and the Gryffindors heading to the right. Sirius stood, grabbing his books and parchment, and yawning, followed James out the door. All four boys walked a short distance behind the other Gryffindor first years, all on their way to Transfiguration class.    

            "Did all of you fall asleep too?" Peter asked curiously. "I mean, I just couldn't stay awake- I wanted to, because I'm sure this class will be really important, but it was just so dull!"

            Sirius laughed. "It was, wasn't it? I fell asleep too- had a lovely refreshing nap! I think I like this class."

            James agreed, grinning. "I didn't manage to stay awake either. I didn't really try." They continued walking, Sirius expecting Remus to reply to the question as well. When he didn't speak after a few moments, Sirius felt it his duty to bring Remus into the conversation. It was no good having a member of the group refuse to talk; Remus needed bringing out of himself. 

            "What about you, Remus? Did you fall asleep?" Sirius was sure he must have- Remus had been so tired the night before, and didn't look much better now. He looked, in fact, as though he might fall asleep as he walked. 

            "No, I didn't." Remus replied, looking a little surprised to be spoken to. Sirius hoped he would stop that soon; it was no fun being able to shock someone just by being friendly at them. Sirius loved making people jump, and there wasn't much in life more enjoyable than scaring someone he disliked senseless, but he didn't feel it was quite fair to scare someone who was that easily shocked. It took the fun out of things.

            "I took notes," Remus was saying hesitantly, "if any of you would like to copy them. I honestly wouldn't bother, though- everything he said was straight out of the textbook; you would learn just as much by reading the chapter we were assigned."

            "What a bore" James said lazily as they reached the Transfiguration classroom. Sirius wanted to point out that they had managed to find it without getting lost even once, but restrained himself as he saw the teacher approaching them, her face stern. 

            "If you've finished your conversation, gentlemen, won't you come in?" Her voice was stern, and the look on her face promised dire consequences if they didn't move. Sirius realized with a start that they were, in fact, late for class. He scrambled in after the other boys, and they all took their seats in silence. The teacher moved to the front of the classroom and cleared her throat.

            "Good morning, everyone. I am Professor McGonagall. I teach Transfiguration, and I am also Head of Gryffindor House. This does not mean, however, that you will have an easier time in my lessons than students from other Houses, and I will take points from you if your behavior warrants it." She fixed a sharp glare at the four latecomers before continuing. "The study of Transfiguration is one of the most important things you will learn during your time at Hogwarts. I expect all of you to pay attention and make an effort to do well in this class."

            Sirius sat up a little in his chair, hoping to make a good impression. He was looking forward to this class; Transfiguration had always sounded so fascinating, and even the text for the class looked better than most of their other books. He listened as McGonagall began to instruct them in how to Transfigure a match into a needle, and when she handed out the matches, Sirius began at once to try to make his change. He struggled for a few minutes, until finally, it began to grow sharp and shiny. At just that moment, James let out a small cry of triumph beside him. He had managed to create a perfect needle! Sirius clapped him on the back in silent congratulation before turning back to his own match and concentrating again.

            It only took a few more minutes before Sirius' match changed into a perfect needle, which he immediately showed James. James grinned at him and whispered a quick congratulation, then went back to his needle, which he was now absently changing back to a match, and then to a needle again with little apparent effort. Sirius continued to practice, and it because easier, though he wasn't as comfortable with it as James.

            Remus, Sirius soon saw, had also gotten the hang of the spell, though it took him a bit longer than either of the others, but he looked quietly pleased as his Transfiguration worked. Peter looked ready to explode with frustration; McGonagall was standing beside him, coaching him with more patience than Sirius would have believed from her. 

            At the end of the class period, the three boys were the only ones who had managed to complete their Transfigurations, although several of the Gryffindor girls had come close. Peter's match had barely changed at all. McGonagall assigned the class several chapters of reading from their textbook before coming around to collect their matches and needles. She picked up Remus' silver needle from his desk and dropped it into the box, which she then passed around for all the others to put their needles or matches into. 

            The class left the room, talking loudly and comparing results. James and Sirius both agreed that Transfiguration was the best class yet, even if old McGonagall was strict. Sirius privately thought her a good teacher. 

            At dinner that night, the four boys again sat together. They were fast becoming a tight-knit group. The Gryffindor girls all clung together, and tended to avoid the boys, and as they hadn't really met any of the boys their age from the other Houses, they didn't really have that many options for other friendships. That was fine by Sirius, though; he and James had been friends forever, and would always be so. He quite liked the other two boys as well, and thought they made a good group. 

            The next two days seemed to fly by. They had lessons in Herbology and Potions, and discovered that Peter was very good at Herbology. He was very happy to discover this, and offered magnanimously to assist any of the others at any time, if they should need it. Sirius found this very amusing, though for the sake of Peter's feelings, he didn't laugh out loud. The Herbology teacher, Anabel Berch, was a nice older witch, a motherly sort who seemed to take to Peter as well. That was one class he was sure to have no trouble in! 

            Potions wasn't a bad class either, Sirius though, though the dungeons where class was held were very cold. Sirius found himself worrying about Remus all through the class, as he seemed to be shivering. He looked less well every day, it seemed, and James had asked Sirius quietly the third morning whether they shouldn't take him to see the nurse. They decided in the end to let Remus handle himself, as long as he was alright. Potions class was taught by a wizard named Hai Baltazor, who seemed fine to Sirius, though he couldn't help but scowl when he found Baltazor had been a Slytherin while at school himself. Baltazor couldn't be any older than thirty, and the girls in the class assured the boys that the Potionsmaster was "very handsome". They had Potions class with the Slytherin first years, though the two Houses sat on opposite sides of the dungeon classroom and did not speak to each other their entire first lesson. 

            The third day of classes, they had Astronomy class in the highest tower at midnight. Thankfully, they noticed that their schedules had no classes until early afternoon the next day, and Sirius was looking forward to staying up late for the new class. The four, who had become quite inseparable now, walked to class together late that night, Remus stifling a yawn. 

            Astronomy was taught by a short, pleasant faced witch with very bright eyes. She introduced herself cheerily. "I am Maranda Fiato; I've been teaching Astronomy here at Hogwarts for the past twelve years. I will be introducing you to the fascinating field of Astronomy, and I do hope that you will find it interesting. I will ask that you all pay attention in this class, as there is so much practical observation to be done to be done each week. Now, do any of you know much about Astronomy at this point in time?"

            Sirius raised his hand. He had always found Astronomy interesting, and had sat up late many nights watching the sky through the telescope in his bedroom. It was a distraction from the world around him, and he loved to lose himself in the stars; there was not much more beautiful than a clear, starry night in Sirius' opinion. He didn't know all the names of the stars, but he knew many of the major constellations.

            Remus, standing beside him, raised his hand rather hesitantly, looking rather pensive. They were the only two, and Fiato beamed at them. 

            "Fantastic!" She said happily. "Well, would you two mind helping me with the beginning of this class?" Neither of them did mind, and she began quizzing them on the use of basic telescopes, reading star charts and finding constellations. Sirius and Remus both knew all of these things quite well, and were able to answer her questions, giving the rest of the class a chance to learn these things. Sirius wondered why she didn't just lecture on these things herself, but decided that this method of teaching must work for her, and it didn't hurt anyone to do it her way.

            Finally, Fiato finished her questioning, and began to address the evening's specific plan of study. "Tonight, we will begin studying the brightest object in the sky, the moon. As you can see, it is nearly full, and as the evening is quite clear, you should be able to see very clearly some of the major lunar markings- some of the mountains and 'seas' are visible to the naked eye." She turned back to Sirius and Remus. "Would either of you care to assist me in pointing some of them out?"

            Sirius had to decline; his studies had always been focused on the stars, and he had paid little attention to the moon. Fiato asked Remus if he knew enough to help her, and he nodded silently. At her prodding, he began to name all of the features the should be able to see, explaining exactly where to look for each; Mare Crisius, Mare Humorum, Mons Herodotus, Mare Imbrium, Montes Archimedes, Mare Tranquilliatus. 

            Remus' voice was flat and tired, but Sirius watched his face as he talked. Remus stared at the moon, as if he were speaking directly to it, his gaze never wavering. Sirius didn't know how to interpret the look on his friend's face; intense emotion flickered over Remus' features, as if he struggled for control and kept losing. His expression kept changing, and Sirius had no idea what to make of it. Remus continued to speak, quietly and firmly, seemingly unaware that the entire class, as well as the teacher, was staring at him in amazement.

             When he had finished, he tore his gaze from the moon, turning to look at Fiato, face set in a pleasant, emotionless mask. She blinked at him a few times before speaking.

            "Well done! I must say, even I could not have given a better introduction to the face of our moon! Twenty points to Gryffindor, Mr.?" 

            "Lupin." Remus said tiredly. "Remus Lupin."

            " Oh." Fiato looked startled. "Yes, thank you, Mr. Lupin. That will conclude tonight's lesson, class- please be sure to read chapters one and two in your textbooks before next week; also, I would like you all to write at least twelve inches for me on aspects of the lunar surface. Good night."

            The class began to move at once, everyone eager to get to bed, as it was very late by this point. Fiato, however, moved over towards Sirius and the others, and asked Remus for a quick word. Remus nodded, looking more exhausted than ever, and walked with her to the other end of the classroom, where Fiato began to talk to him in an urgent low voice. Sirius listened as hard as he could.

            "I'm sorry to have asked you, Mr. Lupin- you were, of course, wonderfully well informed, well done, but if I had realized, I wouldn't have called on you..."

            "Don't worry about it." Remus interjected politely. "It was no bother to me. I'm glad I could help." 

            "Mr. Lupin, allow me to say that if you continue in this class the way you have begun, you will be one of the best students I have ever had. I am very glad to have you here." Fiato smiled warmly at Remus, who looked about ready to cry at these words. 

            "Thank you." Remus said quietly. "You don't know how much that means to me."

            Yes, Sirius decided, Remus was a weird one. But that was alright, because Sirius liked him anyway, and he knew James did too. The kid just needed to spend more time having fun with other children and less time studying; he was already ahead in the readings for all of their classes, and Sirius suspected he knew more about their schoolwork than any of the rest of the first years. Remus had been schooled at home, he said, and seemed to be quite a bit ahead of the other students. 

            When Remus rejoined them, Peter said in an awed tone, "Remus, you were fantastic! And Sirius, you were great too, mate!" Sirius laughed, and took a huge mock bow. Remus said nothing, just smiled a little at Peter, but even that looked a bit tense. They headed for their dormitory, and were all asleep within minutes of crawling into their beds.       

            Sirius didn't know what time it was when he awoke, but it didn't feel as if he'd been asleep for more than a few hours. He lay still, trying to figure out what had woken him up; it only took him a second. It had been the noises coming from the other side of the room, from the bed next to the window. Moonlight was streaming in through the open curtains, showing clearly the small figure in the bed. 

            It was Remus, clearly in the grip of a terrible nightmare. Sirius climbed out of his bed and made his way over to Remus', trying to step quietly to keep from waking the other boys. Remus was curled into a little ball on his bed, shaking, his voice a whimper in the quiet. "No! No!" 

            "Hey!" Sirius said, trying to wake his friend. "Hey Remus! Wake up, mate!" Remus didn't awaken, not even when Sirius raised his voice and tried again. "Remus! Come on, Remus, wake up!" Sirius darted over to James' four poster, grabbing him by the shoulder and shaking him. "James, come help me! Remus is having a bad dream and I can't get him to wake up." 

            James sat up quickly, rubbing his eyes and taking in the situation. With one fluid movement, he grabbed his glasses from the table beside his bed, shoved them onto his face and pushed his hair out of his eyes, then moved quickly over to the bed by the window. He tried to wake Remus just as Sirius had, and had no better luck. Sirius was getting worried; Remus was growing more agitated by the moment; Sirius didn't think he wanted to know what his friend could be dreaming about that would upset him that badly. 

            Finally, Sirius leaned over, grabbed Remus by the shoulders and shook him, saying, "Remus! Wake UP!" To his relief, it worked- Remus sat bolt upright, jerking himself violently away from Sirius' hands and almost falling off the bed. He was breathing heavily, and his face, which had been hidden while he still slept, was streaked with tears. He eyes were dark and frightened.

            "Are you alright?" James asked quickly.

            "I'm fine." Remus said, though his voice was so unsteady that Sirius could have laughed at the obvious falseness of the statement. "I- it was just a bad dream."

            "Must have been pretty awful" Sirius said, looking closely at Remus. "We couldn't wake you up!"

            Remus looked away, wiping his face with his fists. "Umm, yeah, it- it was bad. Thank you- for waking me up." He seemed unwilling to say anything else, so James and Sirius quietly got up and moved back to their own bed. Sirius listened for a few moments, hearing James fall asleep again quickly. Remus was still sitting motionless on his bed, staring into space. Sirius purposefully slowed his own breathing, making it deep and even to simulate sleep. 

            After a few minutes, he saw Remus look around before beginning to move in an eerie silence. Without making a noise, he gathered his blanket around his shoulders and climbed into the broad windowsill next to his bed, leaned his head against the wall behind him, and looked up into the night sky outside. To Sirius, Remus suddenly appeared very small and fragile, the moonlight turning his face terribly white. He looked horribly sad, Sirius realized; sadder than Sirius had ever seen a child his age before.           

            Sirius lay still, feeling he should do something to help, but not having any idea what to do. Remus sat frozen, staring still into the night. After a few minutes, Sirius couldn't stand it any more; he crawled silently from his own bed and made his way toward Remus as quietly as he could. Remus didn't move, didn't look at him, but said quietly, "Sirius. I thought you were sleeping."

            How does he do that? Sirius wondered. He couldn't see me, and I know I was being quiet. Shrugging the thought off, Sirius sat cross-legged on Remus' bed, looking up at his small friend in the windowsill in front of him. 

            "You should be sleeping, Remus." Sirius told him quietly. 

            "Not likely, not after that." Remus' voice was exhausted and heavy with emotion; he still did not turn his gaze away from the sky. Sirius looked out the window as well, trying to see what could be so captivating. True, the night was beautiful; the stars were bright and clear, the moon appeared perfectly round- a friendly looking face in the dark. 

            "It's beautiful out there tonight." Sirius said gently, desperate for anything to say to fill the silence. It made him uncomfortable. 

            "All the world will be in love with night, and pay no worship to the garish sun." Remus' voice was soft and slightly sarcastic.

            "What?" Sirius asked. "That was rather random."

            "Shakespeare." Remus said, finally looking at him. "A Muggle playwright. It's something he wrote."

            "You read Muggle plays?"

            "I read everything." Remus said matter of factly, with a shrug. "Shakespeare had much of interest to say."

            Sirius nodded, unsure of what to say. Remus again turned to look at the sky.

            "Are you alright?" Sirius said after a moment. "You don't look so good, and you really should get some sleep."

            Remus smiled sadly at him. "Don't worry about me; I'll be fine. I have nightmares sometimes; I've learned to live with them. And I promise, I will try to sleep. You need to sleep, too, though." He looked sternly at Sirius, who nodded after a moment.

            "If you'll sleep, I will too." Sirius stood up, and was about to clap a friendly hand on Remus' shoulder before remembering that that might be a bad idea, considering how Remus always reacted to anyone touching him. "Good night, then."

            "Night." Remus said quietly. Sirius crept back to bed, and, to his own surprise, fell asleep rather quickly. He kept an eye on Remus as he drifted off, though, watching the small boy who sat so quietly, so sadly, gazing into the night.  

            When Sirius awoke the next morning, he saw that James was already up and moving. Peter was still snoring, sound asleep, and Remus, to his relief, had apparently kept his promise and gone to sleep. He was curled in a little ball in the center of his four poster, dead to the world. Sirius and James exchanged glances, communicating silently the way only they were able to do; it was clearly understood that Remus was to be left to sleep as long as possible.

            Ten minutes before breakfast, James and Sirius woke the other boys. Peter was his normal, easy going self, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he shuffled out of the room. Remus, however, looked about three-quarters dead, in Sirius' opinion. It wasn't a good look. He had dark, tired circles under his eyes, and was even paler than usual, which was saying something. He didn't speak as they all got themselves ready and headed down to breakfast. 

            Remus didn't eat, either, to Sirius' consternation. He put some food on his plate, but then only shoved it around with his fork, staring dully at the food. Sirius thought that the nightmare in the middle of the night must have really upset his friend. 

            All day, he kept a close eye on Remus, as did James. Peter was oblivious, having slept through the events of the night. Remus seemed to be struggling to stay awake through all of their classes, and by late afternoon, looked on the verge of collapse. After their last class of the afternoon, the four made their way slowly up to Gryffindor Tower. Sirius and James threw their bookbags in a corner and began planning their first big foray into mischief making at Hogwarts. Peter listened eagerly, desperate to be a part of the fun. Remus sat at one of the tables and appeared to be trying to study. 

            When the basic plan had been established for the attack on the Slytherins that James was insistent on being their first shenanigan, James darted over to Remus, Sirius close behind him.

            "Hey, Remus!" James said excitedly. "We've come up with an excellent plan to prank the Slytherins! Want to help us?" Remus jumped as James started to speak, and dropped his quill onto the parchment in front of him. As he picked it up, Sirius noted with concern that his hands were trembling.

            "You alright there Remus?" Peter appeared concerned as well, and Remus looked a little panicky, staring at all of them with wide eyes.

            "Umm, yes, thank you, I'm fine." His voice was controlled and polite as always. "What's your plan, James?" But Sirius was not easily distracted, and he broke in before James could reply.

            "Remus, you don't look fine. Maybe you should go to the Hospital Wing."

            "No! I'm fine!" Now Remus was definitely a little panicky, and Sirius frowned. 

            "Remus..." James tried to reason with him, but Remus broke in.

            "Look, I'm fine, really. I'll- I'll go to the Hospital Wing in a bit. Just not yet. It's not even dinner time yet."                                                                                                                                             

            "Remus, I really think you should go now. And I don't see what the time of day has to do with it." James said firmly. 

            Remus looked ready to protest again, so Sirius added, just as firmly. "Yeah, come on. We'll walk you down- I'm sure they'll be able to give you a potion or something and send you right back."

            Remus shook his head miserably, but stopped trying to object. James, Sirius and Peter walked to the portrait hole and turned, looking expectantly at him. With a sigh, Remus stood shakily and joined them. As the four made their way to the Hospital Wing, Sirius couldn't help but wonder just why Remus looked so very miserable. They all walked slowly, mindful of the fact that Remus seemed hardly able to walk. He looked worse and worse as they continued, and Sirius was highly relieved when they reached the Hospital Wing.

            Sirius dashed ahead of the others, searching for whoever was in charge. His search ended when a woman's voice snapped, "What do you think you're doing, running around in here like that? This is an Infirmary, young man!"

            "Oh, are you- do you work here?" Sirius asked quickly.

            "Yes, I do. I'm Madam Pomfrey, the matron. Are you ill?" She peered at him sharply, looking for signs of injuries or illness. Sirius shook his head.

            "No, my friend Remus is. He didn't sleep well last night, and he hasn't eaten today, and he looks really awful- he's all shaky and stuff. We were worried about him, but he said he didn't want to come see you yet. Look, there he is." Remus had just entered, followed closely by James and Peter. Madam Pomfrey hurried over to him and looked critically at his face.

            "Remus- you'd be Remus Lupin, then?" Her voice was kinder now as she took in his pallid appearance. 

            "Yes." Remus sounded exhausted. Madam Pomfrey put out her hand and felt his forehead; he pulled away quickly, but she was frowning. 

            "You have quite a fever! You should have come earlier, with symptoms like this." Pomfrey said sternly. "Come with me, please. The rest of you may go back to your Common Room now; thank you for assisting Mr. Lupin." 

            "We wanted to wait for him." James said, as firmly as she had spoken. 

            "I'm afraid that won't be possible. Mr. Lupin will have to spend the night here; you may be able to see him tomorrow, if he is feeling better. Good night." She had escorted them to the door, and now nudged them outside and closed the door gently in their faces, shutting them off from the sight of Remus staring after them, looking forlorn. 

            Sirius sighed. "Guess we were right- he really was sick." James nodded in agreement, and the three began to walk back up to Gryffindor Tower. Halfway there, a thought struck Sirius. "Hey, won't Remus need his stuff- I mean, his toothbrush and a change of robes and things?" 

            "Yeah, I guess he will." James said. "Wonder why Pomfrey didn't just ask us to get them for him?" 

            "I'm going to go back and ask her if she wants me to get them." Sirius said, anxious to do anything to help Remus. It frustrated him no end to feel so useless. Without another word, he turned back toward the Hospital Wing.

            When he reached the door again, he paused; he could hear snatches of a discussion going on inside. It was getting a bit ridiculous, the way he was always listening in on conversations these days, but there always seemed to be a need. Everyone at Hogwarts seemed to enjoy quiet, secret talks that involved his friends, and he couldn't very well not listen, not where friends were concerned.

            Madam Pomfrey was talking, to Remus, Sirius assumed. Her voice was gentle now, and Sirius got the impression she was trying to cheer Remus up a bit.

            "You're lucky in your friends there, Remus. They were quite concerned for you."

            "I know." Why did Remus sound so sad? "I've never had friends like them- not in years and years, at least."

            "Well, I'm sure you must be very glad to have met them so soon."

            "Yes. I- I hadn't expected to make friends here. It was probably a very bad idea." Now he sounded downright miserable, and Sirius wondered why he would think that making friends was a bad idea. 

            "You think it's too risky?" Madam Pomfrey asked quietly, her voice sympathetic.

            "It's a horrible risk! My parents said I should do my best here and make friends and have fun, but I have so much to lose if something should go wrong. I can't help but think perhaps friendship's too great a hazard."

            "Remus, dear, sometimes you have to take chances. You can't spend your entire life alone."

            "I could, you know. That would work."

            "That's no life. Listen to me, Remus. You have found three wonderful friends. Hold onto them as long as you can, and be as good a friend to them as they are to you. You need them."

            "I know." Remus murmured, so quietly Sirius could barely hear. "I know."

            Sirius walked away, his earlier errand forgotten. The more he learned about Remus, the less he understood him. Sirius meandered to Gryffindor Tower, and up to his dorm room, where he found James sitting on his bed, reading a Quidditch book. James looked up when Sirius came in, and asked "What did she say? Doesn't he need anything?"

            "Oh. I forgot to ask. D'you know, I heard the oddest conversation, though." At James' curious inquiry, Sirius told him what had passed between Madam Pomfrey and Remus. When he had finished, James looked as confused as Sirius felt.

            "I suppose that if he hasn't ever had friends before, or not for a really long time, it would seem rather scary to be close to a bunch of people." James said finally, as though this must answer the problem. Sirius thought about this; it did make sense, sort of. 

         The next morning, the three boys hurried to the Hospital Wing before breakfast, hoping to be allowed to visit Remus. Madam Pomfrey stopped them at the door, looking weary. 

            "No, you may not visit Mr. Lupin yet. He needs his rest; try again this afternoon."

            "Is he alright?" Peter asked worriedly.

            Sirius thought Madam Pomfrey looked sad, but she answered briskly "Nothing a bit of sleep and some good food won't mend. Now, run along, all of you- I won't have you disturbing him yet."

            Disappointed, they went as ordered; all through the rest of the day, they wondered to each other what could be wrong with Remus. Interestingly enough, none of their teachers asked where he was, or commented on his absence at all, except for asking that they make sure he got the notes and homework assignments for each class. Sirius supposed Madam Pomfrey must have told them that he would be absent that day.

            Immediately after their last class of the day, James, Peter and Sirius headed straight for the Hospital Wing, intent on visiting Remus. Madam Pomfrey looked reluctant to allow them in, but granted them permission for a short visit. She led them to the farthest end of the Infirmary, to a bed surrounded by tall white curtains. With a stern warning not to tire Remus, Madam Pomfrey moved away, and the boys ducked around the curtains.

            Remus was awake, and looked wearily up at them as they came into view. He looked even worse than he had the night before, Sirius thought.

            "Hi." Sirius said softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. James followed suit, and Peter stood rather awkwardly at the foot of the bed, all of them looking uncomfortably at their friend.

            "Hi." Remus replied; his voice took them all by surprise. It was hoarse, barely above a whisper. 

            "How are you?" James asked.

            "I'll live. Madam Pomfrey says maybe I can leave this evening." Remus looked hopeful.   

            "Oh good!" Sirius said. "Well, you didn't miss much today." All three visitors tried to describe all of the events of the day to Remus at the same time, leading to a very confusing noise. Madam Pomfrey only put up with this for a few minutes before ordering them out. While she was occupied with trying to shoo James and Peter out the door, Sirius stopped and told Remus reassuringly,

            "We'll come back this evening- we'll make her let you out!" With a quick grin, Sirius grabbed his bookbag and left, catching up quickly to the others. 

            "He looks awful." James said solemnly. Sirius nodded in agreement, as did Peter. 

            "Poor guy." Peter said. "We've only been here a few days, and he has to get that sick. Doesn't seem fair." Sirius agreed. 

            The three returned again to the Hospital Wing after dinner, to find Remus begging Madam Pomfrey to let him leave, and the matron trying to tell him he should stay another night. The other boys added to his pleas, and she finally relented.

            "Very well." She said grudgingly. "I expect you to get some rest, though. And you three had better keep an eye on him, and tell me at once if he gets worse." They all agreed, and Remus was allowed to return to Gryffindor Tower. Sirius really didn't understand how Pomfrey could have agreed to let him leave; he was still in terrible shape. 

            As soon as they got back to the Common Room, Remus took up exactly where he had left off the night before. James and Sirius gave him their notes from the classes he had missed, and he groaned when he saw how much homework they had been assigned. All four boys set to work on their respective piles of homework. Peter fell asleep halfway through his Astronomy essay, and James and Sirius got distracted trying to practice their Transfiguration work, and ended up spending twenty minutes changing each others hair color to various unlikely shades. 

            At ten o'clock, Sirius shook himself out of the stupor that trying to read the assigned chapter in their History of Magic textbook had sent him into. James was writing furiously, now oblivious to the world around him. Remus sat curled in a huge armchair, studying their Defense text, looking half dead. Sirius went over and took the book out of Remus' hands; Remus didn't react for a second after the book disappeared, and then tried to grab it back from Sirius.

            "Sirius, I need to study." Remus said.

            "No, you don't. You need to go to bed. Look, you're years ahead of the rest of us in this, you don't need to stay up late studying when you've just gotten back from the Infirmary."

            "Yes, I do." Remus said firmly. "I can't afford to fall behind or not do well."

            "I wouldn't worry about that if I were you." Sirius assured him. "Besides, getting some sleep tonight will do more to help you do well than studying all night."

            "I just need to-"

            "Go to bed." Sirius ordered. "Before you die on us. " And he took all of Remus' books and papers and piled them on the table, out of his friend's reach, and sat on them. Remus looked exasperated, but walked to the stairs leading to their dorm and began to climb, under Sirius' watchful eye.          

            A/N: Many, many thanks to those who reviewed! You're wonderful people. Reviews make me so happy it's rather pathetic, actually. My muse also loves them, and thinks they're a good motivation for me; Heaven knows she needs something to make me work. I'm really enjoying writing this story, though, and I will be continuing for a long time, probably. Today's Welsh Word, Ymddiddan, means Conversations. Please leave reviews- I'll be eternally in your debt.  


	5. Dymuniad

_ Author's Note: Hello all! I realize this last chapter took a rather long time in coming- sorry! I wanted to let you all know that I am now having this story beta read by the fantastic _Kia_, so while chapters might be a bit slower coming out, they will hopefully be of higher quality. We can all hope, right? Now, to respond to issues from reviews- and huge thanks to all who have reviewed! _

_Cygna-hime - I actually considered making Muerno a Ravenclaw- tried to, in fact, but he insisted that he was a Slytherin, and I wasn't to put him anywhere else. What could I do? *shrugs* I completely agree with you, though- of course Slytherins aren't the only cruel or prejudiced people, and I never intended to make it seem that I thought that._

_NightSpear - Thanks for pointing out those mistakes! I'll get around to fixing them eventually, I swear. Peter isn't really meant to be like Neville- I happen to be very fond of Neville, and have trouble writing Peter nicely because I really hate him. I'll be developing his character more in the future. _

_EloraCooper4 - I'm afraid that Caradoc Dearborn isn't mine, which is a shame, because I really like him. He's actually a future member of the Order of the Phoenix who meets a sad end. Poor guy. _

  


_Again, enormous thanks to all of you for reviewing! Please, please continue to do so. The next __chapter really should be up in a few days- it's at the beta's right now! The Welsh chapter title today means "Desires". :)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own MWPP, Hogwarts, Dumbledore, Snape, Hallowe'en, the moon...actually, I own very very little. I don't claim to own any of that good stuff (sigh), and I'm making no money off of this. _

  


Chapter 5. Dymuniad 

  
  
  


Remus shivered as he climbed out of bed and his feet hit the stone floor. Hogwarts could be very cold, and now that it was almost November, Remus often found himself wishing for heavier robes. It was October 31st, and he had been living at Hogwarts for almost two full months; he had endured two transformations during his time at school. In fact, his next transformation would be in two days time. Remus shuddered at the thought. He had been transforming every full moon for the past six and a half years, and it never got any easier. He gave a small sigh as he thought about the upcoming full moon; what would he tell his friends this time? 

  


The first full moon had fallen only a few days after he arrived at Hogwarts; with no time to prepare an excuse, he allowed his friends to believe he had just been ill and had to stay in the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey had gladly assisted him in convincing them of the truth of his story. The second full moon, he had told them that his mother had gotten very ill, and that he had to go home to visit her. They were all very sympathetic, in fact, going so far as to send Mrs. Lupin a "Get Well Soon" card by owl the day he left; she had written to Remus about it, quite amused. It had actually been her idea for him to claim she was ill, so he had no fear of her revealing anything to the other boys.

  


Remus considered. Perhaps he could just claim she was sick again? But how many times would that excuse work? He had no doubt that they would indeed figure out what he was, eventually, and then he would probably have to leave Hogwarts, but he wanted to delay that time for as long as he could. Maybe he would just claim to be ill again; they wouldn't doubt it, as he always got quite tired and feverish before moonrise.

  


Remus heard James roll over a few beds away; he turned from where he was sitting at his desk, studying his Potions text to look at his friend. James sat up, shoving his hand through his hair, trying to push it out of his eyes as he looked around blearily. His expression lit up as he evidently remembered something.

  


"It's Hallowe'en!" James said, grinning at Remus. Remus smiled back slightly. James bounded from his bed, and dashed over to wake Sirius. "Hey, Sirius, wake up! It's Hallowe'en!"

  


James and Sirius had been looking forward to Hallowe'en for as long as they had been at Hogwarts, James' father had apparently told the boys stories of the fabulous feast held every year, and they had decided that the feast would be the ideal opportunity to pull off their first really big prank. Unfortunately, they had no idea what they were going to do. Peter was in favor of setting off a multitude of Dungbombs, but the others felt this plan lacked the complexity and subtlety of a truly good prank. Sirius favored enchanting the Slytherins' food to make them all look like pumpkins, but Remus had been forced to point out that they didn't actually know any spells that would produce the desired result. James had some vague notions of an incredibly complicated prank involving broomsticks, several illegal potions and a couple of Blast-Ended Skrewts. None of the boys had any hope of this plan succeeding, though, so they had decided to lay it aside for a while, until they had more time to plan it thoroughly.

  


As a result, they had arrived at Hallowe'en without any firm idea of what prank they were going to pull, but James and Sirius were not in the least discouraged by this. They assured Peter and Remus that they would think of something before the feast that night, and so the four proceeded to breakfast unconcernedly.

  


The group dynamics had been established early on, and seemed now to be set in stone. James and Sirius were definitely the leaders of the little gang of troublemakers; they came up with the ideas and motivations for the pranks the four loved to play. The two of them had already spent more time in detention than all of the other students in their whole year put together. Peter was, to put it bluntly, a bit of a tag along. He had developed a sort of hero-worship complex where James was concerned. He had his uses to be sure- distractions, mostly, but he would also gladly help with research for spells they needed.

  


Remus was the brains of the group, in a sense; he wasn't smarter than James or Sirius, but he was far more practical, and could spot the flaws in their plans very quickly. Remus conducted most of the research that needed to be done, and it had been firmly established that he was the one who would cover for the group to the teachers. They had discovered after playing their first prank that Remus could lie point blank to almost any adult and get away with it. He just looked so innocent and small and frail and defenseless, as Sirius said, laughing with glee, that no adult could help but melt when he looked up at them with huge guiltless eyes. 

  


There were, of course, several noticeable exceptions to this rule. Professor Muerno was chief among them; he faulted Remus for breathing, and took points off him at any time he could. Professor Baltazor, the Potionsmaster, also seemed to dislike him, although he was much more subtle about it; Remus didn't think his friends had even noticed. Baltazor didn't do much to signal his dislike, but he did allow the Slytherins with whom they shared Potions lessons to get away with anything where Remus was concerned. If any other Gryffindor student was involved, Baltazor was equally strict with members of both houses, but if a Slytherin happened to sabotage Remus' potion, the incident was ignored completely. 

  


All in all, though, Remus was shocked to see how well the staff at Hogwarts had responded to him. He had honestly expected that all of the instructors would hate him for what he was, and that he would be treated as he had been by all adults except his parents ever since he had been bitten- exactly the way Muerno acted around him. True, Professor McGonagall was a bit stiff around him- wary was closer to the mark, but she attempted to act normally, and was perfectly equitable in her treatment of him. Professor Binns had yet to get his name right in class, even though Remus was the only student who did not sleep through his lectures. Professor Berch, the Herbology teacher, was quite nice, and Professor Fiato in Astronomy was always extremely kind. The Charms teacher, little Professor Flitwick, seemed to genuinely like Remus, who responded in kind; Charms was one of his favorite classes. 

  


"So, we've got Defense this morning, and then Potions, then Herbology." Peter said, speaking a bit indistinctly through a mouthful of food. James and Sirius grimaced in dislike, while Remus tried very hard not to. All four boys hated Defense Against the Dark Arts now because of Muerno and his ill-treatment of Remus. Well, Remus wouldn't actually say he hated DADA; true, he dreaded being in the same room with the Professor, but he found the subject fascinating, and always had. Remus was very good at it, too- despite his immense hatred of the little werewolf, Muerno was forced to consistently give Remus exceptional grades in his classwork. Remus secretly delighted in the knowledge that he, a proclaimed Dark Creature, was the top student in the class.

  


"I'm telling you, Remus, we should set off some Dungbombs under his desk." Sirius said, scowling. "He deserves it, the bloody git."

  


"That won't help anything, Sirius." Remus said, though he too wished to be able to do something to the unpleasant man in retribution. He would never do it, though- that would be a Very Bad Idea, to be avoided at all costs.

  


"You're right." James said, grinning brightly. "We need something much worse. We'll think of something eventually, I swear."

  


"And Hagrid's asked us to tea this afternoon after classes, don't forget!" Peter said. 

  


"Right." Sirius said. 'We've got a full day then, haven't we? And not much time to plan our prank for tonight. Everyone needs to be thinking hard about it." They all agreed, and proceeded in silence, purportedly in deep thought, to Defense class. 

  


The class went well enough; they were beginning a study on Dark Creatures, and discussed Red Caps. Remus was surprised when Muerno announced this; usually Dark Creatures were not studied until third year, but when Muerno's eyes gleamed evilly as he made eye contact with Remus, he understood. They were studying Dark Creatures early because of him; they would reach werewolves near the end of the semester. He swallowed nervously as he thought of what might happen at that time- surely then James and Sirius and Peter would figure him out. 

  


It was his greatest fear, that they would discover his awful secret and hate him for it; they would abandon him, and he would have to leave Hogwarts. Dumbledore had promised that he would use Memory Charms on students to protect Remus' secret, but he had decided that he would not allow his friends' memories to be altered. Too much could go wrong when you were messing with the mind, and he would not risk it. No, better to be expelled, sent home after only one year of schooling; it was more than he had ever expected to be allowed anyway. Remus felt slightly ill, though, as he morosely considered having to leave Hogwarts, go who knows where- and worst of all, he would have lost his friends. That thought was enough to nearly bring him to tears. He had become so close to the other boys, it was as though they were brothers. If- no, when he lost them, it would be like losing the better portion of himself; he could better part with an arm or leg than any of them. It would be his heart he was losing.

  


Not that he didn't have other things to worry about. He was extremely concerned for his parents. They were on a very dangerous mission, working as Aurors on some top secret project with Dumbledore. Remus knew that the chances of them being killed were quite high; when he said goodbye to them at the Hogwarts Express in September, they all knew very well that they might never see each other again. And of course, having Romulus attending the same school he was in was extremely nerve wracking. He doubted that his brother would be foolish enough to try to harm him under Dumbledore's nose, but he still kept a close lookout for any attack. As for the other thing that he had to worry about- his transformations, one upcoming- they were perhaps what should frighten him most.

It was truly terrible, transforming. The pain he felt was intense, excruciating; he had read somewhere that the only pain rivaling that of a werewolf transformation was that inflicted by the Cruciatus Curse. Remus felt a huge amount of pity for any who had experienced that torture, if that was true; he would never wish that pain on any other living creature. Perhaps worse that the pain, though, was the way his mind was lost to that of the wolf every time. He thought he could have handled the pain, but when he could feel his sanity, his consciousness slipping away from him, he felt a despair beyond his ability to bear. That was what caused him to dread the night of the full moon, beyond anything else.

  


"Remus? Hey Remus!" Sirius was calling to him, interrupting his thoughts. He saw, with a small start, that Defense class was over, though he was still mechanically copying the last of his notes for the class. He always managed to do that, setting his hand on autopilot while he thought, and finding that he had copied all of the notes he needed without consciously hearing the teacher. It was a useful ability sometimes. He finished his writing, put his notes in his bag, and stood to join his friends, who had been waiting quite patiently.

  


The four hurried to Potions class. Unfortunately, several students were absent due to a mild epidemic of Dragon Pox that seemed to be going through the school, and Professor Baltazor ended up changing their normal partnering arrangements. James and Sirius he allowed to continue working together as they always did, but Peter was told to work with a sharp faced Slytherin girl whose name Remus did not know.

  


"Mr. Lupin." Baltazor said, in tones of utmost boredom. "You will work with Mr. Snape."

  


Severus Snape was an unpleasant, creepy, slimy little Slytherin oddball, according to Sirius and James. James and Snape had hated each other from the moment they met, and Sirius' family apparently knew the Snapes, and they were on friendly terms. Which meant that Sirius hated Snape on principle. It was rather hard not to hate him; he was surly and unpleasant, and had quickly picked up on the fact that Remus was not nearly as good as he himself was at Potions, and that Baltazor would do nothing to stop him if he wished to harass Remus in Potions class. He glared at Remus as he made his way over to Snape's bench.

  


"Good morning, Severus." Remus said. He did make an effort to be polite to Snape, but it never seemed to do any good. Snape continued to glare at him as he sat, and they began to prepare the ingredients for the morning's potion in an unpleasant silence. They were making a potion that was meant to remove warts. Baltazor warned that if the potions was splashed onto exposed skin, it could cause blisters and extreme discomfort; Remus hoped that Sirius and James would be able to keep an eye on Peter and his partner to assure that their friend came to no harm.

  


The class was quite quiet for three quarters of an hour while the pairs of students worked to prepare their potions. When their potion was completed, Remus stood to reach for a vial to fill with the liquid, when he saw the gleam in Snape's eyes. Too late, Remus attempted to move away from the cauldron; Snape had already used the ladle to splash the Wart Remover at Remus, hitting his hands and face. Remus stifled a gasp of pain as the solution began to burn at his skin. He tried to wipe at it with the sleeves of his robe, but this did not seem to help. Remus watched resignedly as blisters began to form all over his hands, and he was certain they were on his face as well, though he could not see them. Snape looked delighted, and laughed maliciously.

  


On the other side of the classroom, James and Sirius looked around to see what was causing their enemy such glee; when they caught sight of Remus, both of their faces darkened with fury. He decided he must look pretty awful for them to look so incensed. Within seconds, they had both left their seats and dashed over to him, looking concerned.

  


"Remus! What happened?" James asked, his voice low; Baltazor had not noticed, appearing quite occupied helping Peter and his partner with their potion at the front of the classroom. 

  


"An accident, Potter." Snape said, his voice icy. 

  


"Right." Sirius growled. "And I'm a Muggle. You splashed him on purpose, didn't you, you slimy little git?"

  


"And what if I did?" Snape sneered. 

  


"Professor!" James called, not looking away from Snape; the two were now involved in an intense staring match. Professor Baltazor hurried over to the four.

  


"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black- why have you left your cauldron?" He inquired, his voice not hostile, merely curious. Remus felt he would have quite liked the man, had he not been so obviously prejudiced against werewolves. 

  


"Snape here splashed Remus with the Wart Remover." Sirius said, his voice furious.

  


"Is that so?" Baltazor asked calmly, looking at Remus. "Yes, it appears that Mr. Lupin is indeed suffering from the effects of the potion. You may proceed to the Hospital Wing, Lupin."

  


Remus stood and tried to pick up his bag, but winced in pain as his blistered hands touched it. Sirius took it from his grasp, but looked at Baltazor in confusion. 

  


"Professor, what about Snape? He did it on purpose!" James asked, the same confusion evident in his voice.

  


"I'm certain it was merely an accident, Mr. Potter." Baltazor said, still calmly and rationally. "Now, why don't you and Mr. Black go back to your own work?"

  


"We've finished, Professor." Sirius informed him. "May we accompany Remus to the Hospital Wing?" 

  


"Very well." Baltazor turned away, unconcerned, and the three boys left the classroom. As soon as they were out of sight of the classroom, Sirius turned to Remus.

  


"That was no accident, was it?" Sirius asked, his voice tight. Remus reluctantly shook his head. "Remus!" Sirius said in frustration. "You're doing it again! Letting people get away with bullying you!"

  


This was a longstanding argument in their group; the other three boys had noticed right away that Remus, while willing to stand up for absolutely anyone else, against any number of bullies, would not stand up for himself. It did not matter what the circumstances were, Remus would calmly and cooly ignore anyone who attempted to bully him, but would do nothing to stop them.

  


"I've told you before, Sirius. It's not worth it." Remus' voice was as calm and composed as ever. Sirius looked ready to explode at that, and James took over speaking.

  


"Not worth it? Not worth speaking up to stop that greasy git from getting away with attacking you? Come on, Remus! If he had done that to Peter, wouldn't you have spoken up?"

  


"Of course." 

  


"So why won't you speak up for yourself?" Sirius wanted to know. Remus merely shrugged; he was not going to tell them his real motivations. Remus knew that he could get in incredible amounts of trouble if anyone ever accused him of attacking another student, physically or verbally, just because of what he was. He was willing to risk it for others, because he hated to see injustice done to anyone, but not for his own sake. He really didn't feel it was worth it.

  


"It's alright. I'm used to it." Remus felt like hitting himself; that was not what he had meant to say. It was true, however- he had been bullied and picked on since the day he had been bitten. His brother, all the children he met, and of course, their parents, as soon as they discovered his secret. Remus had found long ago that the best way to deal with bullies was just to keep your head down and keep quiet; they would tire and go away, eventually. You didn't react; that was what they wanted. He had tried to explain this to James and Sirius several times before, but they looked at him as though he was crazy.

  


"You're used to it?" James was saying incredulously. Remus was extremely glad to see that they had reached the Hospital Wing; perhaps James and Sirius would stop asking him questions now. The three boys walked in, and were immediately set upon by Madam Pomfrey.

  


Remus smiled at her. He was quite fond of the hospital matron; she tended to fuss over him, but had been quite kind after both of his previous transformations, giving him loads of chocolate- he loved chocolate. Remus had told the others that chocolate cured all ills, but he wasn't sure they believed him. It might not really make everything better, but it did help! Now she looked quite concerned, taking in the blisters on his face and hands in a quick glance, then looking at the other two, checking for damage.

  


"Oh my, what's happened now? Have you boys been fighting?" 

  


"No, Madam Pomfrey" James replied politely. "Remus got splashed with a strong Wart Remover in Potions class, and Professor Baltazor said we could accompany him to see you." Madam Pomfrey clucked her tongue sympathetically before telling Remus to have a seat on a bed and fetching several creams from her large supply of medicines. Within moments, the blisters were fading from Remus' pale skin and the pain had faded to nothing. 

  


Remus thanked her politely, and smiled as she ruffled his hair fondly before sending them all on their way. He was getting better about allowing people to touch him, no longer panicking at the slightest touch; not when he could see it coming, anyway. He was also improving where it came to emotions, now able to smile and laugh fairly normally. He knew when that had changed; it was in their second month at Hogwarts, and the four boys had been discussing Animagi in their dorm room after hearing Professor McGonagall talking about them in class. 

  


"I'd like to do that." Sirius said. "Become an Animagus, I mean. I bet I'd be a dog!" The others had agreed, and began to wonder what they would transform into.

  


"I'd like to be something fast- maybe something that could fly." James told them. "Like an eagle or-oohh, I know, a hippogriff!" They had all laughed at that.

  


"I'd like to be a cat." Peter said after a moment of thought. Remus tried to think what to say. He could not imagine himself becoming anything but a wolf, and he shuddered at the thought.

  


"I- don't know what I would be." Remus said. Sirius looked at him appraisingly.

  


"I think you'd be a mouse." Sirius said after a moment.

  


"What?" Remus said, startled by the thought.

  


"Yeah, a mouse!" Sirius exclaimed again. "I mean, you're quiet and kinda little- I bet you'd make a cool little mouse!" 

  


James and Peter nodded in agreement. And Remus somehow found the idea of himself transforming, not into a ravening monster, but into a calm, quiet little mouse to be the most hilarious thing he had ever heard. He began to laugh hysterically, not even aware that the others were staring at him in shock. None of them had ever heard Remus Lupin laugh, even a little; even getting him to smile had always been a struggle, and now he was laughing fit to burst. He had laughed until tears ran down his cheeks, and then had been a bit surprised to find that the tears were real, and he was crying, just a little, for the idea of being human enough to wish to be an animal. He was just glad that the others hadn't realized the tears were not due to laughter. 

  


"I think," Remus had finally said, "that becoming a mouse would be about the nicest thing ever." Since that day, Remus had somehow found it possible to smile again without an effort, and to laugh like a normal child, if less frequently or uproariously. 

James, Sirius and Remus were now headed out to the greenhouses for Herbology class. James and Sirius were still fuming with anger at Snape.

  


"I'm going to kill him. " Sirius growled.

  


James sighed in exasperation. "You can't kill him Sirius; they'd throw you in Azkaban. We'll just have to get back at him in a non-lethal way."

  


"That's it!" Sirius said, his expression changing to one of evil joy. "Snape will be the target of our great grand prank tonight!" James' face also changed, now bearing exactly the same expression as Sirius'; they really did look like brothers, or maybe twins when they did that. 

  


"Sirius, you're a genius. But what can we do that would be good enough? He deserves something really bad after that stunt he pulled today."

  


"Right." Sirius growled. He fell silent, thinking hard; Remus knew that he would need to be carefully watched for a while, to make sure he didn't do something stupid.

  


The three met Peter outside the door to Greenhouse One; he was waiting for them with an anxious expression on his face. He brightened when he saw them approaching.

  


"Remus! Are you alright? What happened?" He asked in concern. 

  


"I'm fine, Peter. " Remus reassured him quietly, as the four ducked inside and took their places. They didn't actually learn very much, though, as they spent most of the lesson whispering, trying to determine what they could do to Severus Snape. Remus had to squash several plans that he was sure would lead to lasting damage to the Slytherin boy; he was insistent that nobody get hurt, no matter what.

  


Finally, just before the end of class, Remus hit on an idea. "Cheering Charms!" He whispered suddenly, startling the others. "Extra strength Cheering Charms; Severus will be giggling all through the feast!"

  


Sirius broke into a slow grin. "Excellent! Nice one, mate!"

  


Peter asked in confusion. "Cheering Charms? What're those? I've never heard of them."

  


"I read about them in our Charms book. " Remus said. "They're a little advanced- we don't usually cover them until third year, but I think with a little practice we could pull it off."

  


James mock-scowled at Remus. "What are we going to do with you? Reading ahead in all our books- two years ahead! And would you quit calling Snape 'Severus'?" Remus just smiled as the bell rang, signaling the end of class.

  


"Right! Tea with Hagrid." Sirius said, leading them all to Hagrid's hut, and knocking on the door. Hagrid answered immediately, and opened the door wide, grinning beneath his thick beard.

  


"Good ter see yeh! Make yerselves at home." The four boys trooped into the warm little hut, and sat down wherever they could find seats. Within moments, they were all clutching large mugs of tea and politely refusing rock cakes; they had eaten Hagrid's cooking enough by now to know that it wasn't safe to take anything that he hade made. Hagrid asked what they'd been up to, and it was Sirius who answered.

  


"You won't believe it, Hagrid, but we've been taking Remus to the Hospital Wing. That slimy little git Snape splashed him with a potion this morning that gave him a nasty set of blisters! And Professor Baltazor didn't give him detention or anything!" Hagrid looked at Remus in sympathy, and Remus clutched tighter at his mug, hoping Hagrid wouldn't say anything...

  


Hagrid had known about Remus from the beginning; all of the faculty had been informed of his condition, and apparently Hagrid had been as well. Hagrid had invited him down to tea as few days after he had arrived at Hogwarts, and Remus had been shocked to discover how much they had in common. Hagrid was part giant, and the giants had to face almost as much prejudice from the wizarding community as did werewolves. Hagrid had told him that he should never listen to anyone who told him he wasn't as good as the rest of the students, just because of what he was. Remus had found this extremely comforting, coming from someone who could sympathize better with him than anyone else he had met. Since then, Remus had counted Hagrid one of his friends, and often visited him for a quiet cup of tea, with his other friends and without them. 

  


Remus trusted Hagrid, of course; he knew the huge man would never tell anyone his secret, not on purpose, but sometimes he let too much slip in conversation. Now, he could see Hagrid feeling bad for him and angry with Baltazor; what if he said something that told the others too much?

  


Remus needn't have worried; Hagrid clapped a huge hand on his small shoulder, almost sending Remus into his cup of tea, and said loudly, "Never yeh mind them, Remus. Yer worth a dozen of 'em." Remus threw a thankful glance Hagrid's direction, and then the four began discussing in detail their plan for the prank at the feast. They had no fears that Hagrid would tell on them; on the contrary, he was quite helpful, letting them practice Cheering Charms on each other in the privacy of his cabin until it was nearly time for the feast. With huge grins on all their faces, the result of the Charms, the boys ran back to the castle and headed for the Hallowe'en Feast.

  


The stories James had relayed from his father regarding the Hallowe'en feast had not been exaggerated. The decorations were breathtaking, the food was fantastic- Remus, whose appetite was growing as the full moon approached, had seconds and thirds. Remus felt that if it had not been for the specter of the almost full moon shining ominously at him from the enchanted ceiling, he might have thought himself truly happy.

When the feast was almost over, the four boys rose as inconspicuously as possible from the Gryffindor table, and snuck toward the Slytherins. James, Remus and Sirius pulled out their wands; Peter pulled out his camera. Being Muggleborn, he had been surprised and delighted to learn that pictures in the wizarding world moved. He had written to his mother, telling her this, and she had sent him a Muggle camera, with instructions to take many pictures. He was now determined to do so, and they all thought that a grinning, cheerful Snape was a photo opportunity not to be missed.

  


In all the noise and confusion of the feast, the Gryffindor boys were able to get quite close to Snape without being seen. Acting in concert, James, Remus and Sirius all pointed their wands at Snape and whispered the incantation they had practiced; the results were hilarious. None of them would ever forget the sight of Severus Snape, grinning widely, whistling cheerfully and joking with his housemates. Remus highly doubted that they would ever forget either, from the looks on their faces. Peter quickly snapped a few pictures, and they all began to creep back towards Gryffindor table, when they saw Professor Muerno approaching Snape, clearly concerned with the boy's odd behavior. 

  


"Run." Sirius whispered, and they all did, hoping they had not been spotted. They broke free from the crowds now forming at the entrance to the Great Hall as students headed back toward their Common Rooms, the feast now over. Within a few moments, they found themselves in a deserted corridor a safe distance from the rest of the crowd, and they finally broke down laughing. "That," Sirius said, wiping away tears, "was classic. Did you see how angry he looked? In a happy, cheerful way? He's never going to be able to look his friends in the face again- not Mr. Sour Snape!" James was still laughing too hard to speak, but he nodded agreement through his hilarity. 

  


When they had all sobered up sufficiently to walk straight, they began to wander the hallways, trying to find their way back to Gryffindor Tower. They had learned their way around Hogwarts fairly well in the past two months, but none of them had been paying attention to where they were going as they dashed from the Great Hall, and they found themselves quite lost now, going down a corridor none of them recognized. James was leading the way, but he was as lost as the rest of them.

  


"Listen!" Remus said suddenly, causing them all to stop dead. "Someone's coming- I think it's Peeves! Don't you hear him?" He realized a second too late that there was no way any of the others would have heard. His senses were always keener than those of normal children, and they got sharper with the waxing moon. Now, with only two days until the moon was full, Remus' hearing was far sharper than that of a human. The others did not hear anything, but they trusted him anyway, and with a quick shove from Sirius, they all piled into the closest room they could find, and Sirius swung the door shut silently. Remus knew that Peeves was some distance away, and they were probably safe in this room; he let out a sigh of relief. The four looked around them at what appeared to be an old, unused classroom. All of the surfaces were covered in a layer of dust, and looked perfectly normal- all except the mirror that stood in the far corner.

  


They all gathered around to inspect the mirror. It had an elaborate golden frame, around the edge of which was carved the inscription '_Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi_'. Remus looked at this in confusion, but was interrupted in his thoughts by the gasp of surprise Peter had just let out. Remus turned to look at his friend.

  


Peter was standing directly in front of the mirror, gazing at his reflection in wonder. His eyes were wide and bright, and a look of pride was on his face. 

  


"What is it, Pete?" Sirius asked curiously.

  


"I- it's me! Only it's not- I mean, I'm different! I'm older, it looks like- and I'm Head Boy! And everyone is looking at me like- like they respect me!" Peter's voice sounded incredulous. "Like I'm somebody!"

  


"Wow!" James said, sounding fascinated. "Here, lemme look!"

  


Peter moved out of the way, with one last glance at his reflection, and James took his place. His face quickly changed, and he looked surprised and quite pleased. 

  


"Look at me!" James breathed in wonder. "I'm a Quidditch player- I'm Chaser! I must be really good- look, I've got loads of fans! Wow...Hey, you know what? Maybe this mirror shows the future!"

  


"Ooh, let me see!" Sirius said, having waited very patiently the whole time. James reluctantly moved aside to let him look. Sirius looked, and his face suddenly set immovably; Remus thought it looked like someone disappearing behind a mask.

  


"I don't think it shows the future, mate." Sirius said after a moment. His voice caught as he spoke, and tears glittered in his eyes, unshed.

  


"Why? What d'you see?" James asked.

  


"It's my family." Sirius said, still in the same tones. "They're good, you know? And- and they're proud of me." James moved to Sirius' side and clapped a hand on his shoulder. All of the boys knew about Sirius' family; the Blacks were unpleasant people, and considered Sirius a disgrace for being a Gryffindor, among other offences. The boys had discussed their families at some length early in the semester, Remus being very careful not to give more information than he had to. Remus wondered what this mirror was, and why it was showing Sirius something so far removed from the truth. Sirius finally shook himself, and dashed the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. He moved away from the mirror, and told Remus, "Your turn, mate."

  


Remus moved uncertainly in front of the mirror, feeling that he might not want to see what this mirror showed him. But when he looked, he just saw himself, standing there in the middle of this old room, looking exactly as he always did. Same hair, same eyes; the room was the same- but no, it wasn't! There was a window reflected in the mirror just over Remus' left shoulder, and through it shone the full moon. Remus could tell at a glance that the moon in the mirror was indeed full, and yet there he stood, human as any of the others. 

  


Remus looked over his shoulder, to where the window would be if the mirror reflected accurately; there was no window at all. Again he turned to the mirror, and stepped closer, staring intently at it. He reached his hand out until it touched the glass, touching the reflected moon as if he might feel something there; his reflection still stood, smiling a little, eyes calm and rational. Beneath the full moon. Human.

  


To his horror, Remus felt his eyes fill with tears as he stood, one hand resting on the glass. A second later, the tears began to fall, and he was crying. Remus always took a small amount of pride in not crying in front of anyone, no matter how much he might hurt; now here he was, in front of his three friends, sobbing uncontrollably. 

  


"Remus?" Sirius asked, concerned.

  


"You alright there, mate?" James queried; Peter didn't speak, but his eyes were wide with concern. Remus couldn't speak, struggled to get control of himself, but his reflection still stood there, human. There was no way he could have put into words the extent and depth of his longing to be what he saw there in the mirror; normal, human, unmarked by the moon. He felt an ache inside that was unlike any he had felt before. The lack of what he saw reflected there seemed to be eating him alive, hollowing out an empty place inside of him that he now recognized had always been there; he had just never realized that the knot of misery deep inside him was for lack of this. 

  


"Hey, Remus," Sirius was speaking again, and now Remus tore his gaze from the mirror to look at his friends, who were all staring at him. "Remus, are you all right?" 

  


"It's lying." He didn't recognise the voice as his own for a second; it sounded so old and tired, so resigned and sad- that couldn't be him speaking, could it? But it was, and he continued, "Nothing it showed is true. It's lying!" He sounded bitter, and now he was; he would never be what the mirror showed, never again. 

  


"It is not lying, Remus." The old, gentle voice could only belong to one man, and sure enough, in the doorway stood Dumbledore, looking sadly at Remus. He understood, Remus could tell.

  


"It is!" Remus protested, still bitter, still heartbroken. "It's not true- I'm not-" He broke off, his voice choked by the tears that threatened again. Dumbledore moved forward, his face kind, his voice sympathetic.

  


"It's not lying, Remus. What it shows may not be true, or even possible, but what you see are not lies. Have any of you figured out what it is showing?" His eyes turned from one to the other of them. Remus thought he knew now, and when Dumbledore looked at him in turn, he spoke, controlling his voice as best he could.

  


"It shows us what we most want, doesn't it?" His eyes fell again on the inscription, and suddenly he understood. "Erised- desire- heart's desire. It shows us our heart's desire." His voice was quiet now, broken. He would never have his heart's desire. It was not possible. The other three were nodding in comprehension.

  


"That is correct." Dumbledore said gently. "Peter, you saw yourself as respected and powerful, yes? Wouldn't you say that is what you most want?" Peter nodded. "And James, you saw yourself as a Quidditch star? Admired and looked up to?" James nodded as well, looking a bit eager again. Dumbledore turned to Sirius, who was avoiding his gaze. "Sirius, you saw your family as you wish they were- good and loving, and proud of you?" Sirius nodded, now looking defiantly at Dumbledore, who merely smiled at him; Sirius seemed to deflate a bit, and looked again at the mirror, even though he could not see his reflection from where he stood. 

  


"Remus." Dumbledore said, and Remus heard the sadness in his voice. He knows what I saw, and he's sad for me, Remus thought. All Dumbledore said was, "I am sorry." 

  


And then there was nothing more to say. The four boys made their way to the door and out, and found that they did indeed know where they were; it didn't take long to get to Gryffindor Tower. Not a word was spoken as they all got ready for bed and settled in to sleep. Remus did remember to put up the Silencing Charms that he now used around his bed for the few nights before and after the full moon. He had forgotten to put them up one night just before the first full moon at Hogwarts, and the other boys had heard him when he was having a nightmare. He usually suffered from terrible dreams around the full moon, memories of when he was bitten, dreams of transformations; flashes from when he was the wolf and completely out of control, tearing at himself in his fury at being caged. His parents had taught him to use Silencing Charms around his bed before he left home, even though that was supposed to be fifth year magic; he was very grateful for it, though, as it had kept him from waking any of the others again. 

  


Remus fell asleep rather quickly; he was always tired before the full moons, and it had been a very long day. He did indeed suffer from a horrible nightmare, the worst he had experienced in years, and was shocked to be shaken out of it. Blinking sleepily, he saw James' face above him, looking worried. James tried to speak, but his voice was inaudible, thanks to the Silencing Charm. Remus moved out of his bed and climbed into the window sill as he always did after a bad dream; staring at the sky was calming, even when it was dominated by the face of the moon, shining so malevolently at him.

  


James crawled up into the window next to him, and for a moment they sat in silence, James clearly not knowing what to say, Remus glad for the silence. Then James spoke in a hushed voice,

  


"Are you OK? I mean, it looked like you were having a really bad dream again, and then that whole thing with the mirror..." His voice trailed off.

  


"I'm fine." Remus lied. Of course he wasn't fine, he was never fine, and right now he was about as far from fine as he had ever been, and still the moon grew fuller; two days. "The mirror upset me, which is why I had the dream, I guess." Remus hated himself for lying, as he always did; but the longer he knew his friends, the more he would have to lie to them. He had no choice.

  


"You had a spell on your bed- I couldn't hear you at all." James said after a moment.

  


"Yes, that's a Silencing Charm."

  


"Remus, those are really advanced magic, aren't they? How did you learn that?"

  


"They usually teach them in fifth year, yes, but my parents taught me before I came." Remus explained, glad for something he didn't have to lie about. 

  


"Ah." James said, and silence fell again. Remus was perfectly willing to sit in the window and watch the sky until morning came, but he knew James was not. He wasn't used to it, and needed to sleep.

  


"Thank you for waking me up, but you should be sleeping now." Remus used his best "Professor Voice" as the other boys called it, the one that always made them see reason and listen; it was a good weapon in a debate. 

  


"So should you." James retorted. 

"I'm not going to be sleeping, James." Remus replied. In fact he suddenly had an idea, somewhere he wanted to go, but he had to get James to leave him alone. "Go back to bed, please?"

  


It looked like James was going to argue, but a yawn stopped him from speaking, and he nodded in agreement, but didn't leave without a few words more, "You want to take better care of yourself, mate. If you don't sleep, you're going to fall apart- you don't look so good, to tell you the truth. 'Night, Remus."

  


"Goodnight." Remus replied. Of course he looked rotten; the full moon was approaching. He always looked ill before he transformed, and felt bad along with it. He waited until James had settled in his bed and stopped moving before creeping from the window, grabbing his bathrobe and walking quietly from the room. It wasn't hard now to find the room where the mirror was located, and in only a few minutes he stood in front of it, looking with deepest longing at the sight in front of him.

  


The full moon really was beautiful, he though. He hadn't seen it since he had been bitten; he was always locked up when he transformed, and even if the wolf had seen it, Remus would not have remembered. He never remembered more than vague flashes from when he was transformed; enough to give him nightmares that woke him, screaming, from his sleep, but no more. He was completely caught up in the image the mirror showed. This is what he could have been, had he never been bitten. He would have been human.

  


"Remus." The voice was so unexpected that Remus jumped and spun around to see who was speaking. It was James, standing there in bare feet, looking worried. Remus wiped quickly at his eyes- he was crying again.

  


"What do you see, Remus? What makes you cry, but also brings you back here?" James' voice was gentle and kind, but curious. Remus just shook his head. He couldn't tell James, but he did not want to lie to him. James went on. "Look, Remus, Dumbledore says it's not lying. Maybe- maybe whatever it is you want will just happen."

  


Remus laughed, although it wasn't funny. It was about the least funny thing he had ever heard. "No, James. It will never happen. It can't happen."

  


James drew a deep breath and looked sternly at Remus. "Well then, wandering down here in the middle of the night isn't going to help you at all, is it? Just looking at a picture of what you want won't do any good. I refuse to believe that anything is impossible, Remus. If this is something you really want, tell me- I'm sure we'll be able to do something to help you." 

  


Remus was overwhelmed suddenly with the desire to tell James everything- his secret, what he saw, what had happened all those years ago, why he had to lie- but that was stupid. He couldn't tell anyone- not even James and Sirius. "I - I can't, James. I'm sorry." James looked disappointed, but walked over and clapped a kind hand on Remus' shoulder.

  


"Alright then. You don't have to. But I am not going to let you stand here crying your eyes out in a dark room in the middle of the night all alone. Let's go back to Gryffindor Tower." Remus only nodded in agreement. James was right; it didn't do any good to stand there and stare at a dream. James was watching him. "Look, Remus, I realize that you must be seeing something you want really badly in there, but I don't think it's a good idea for you to come back and look at it anymore. I've heard about magical things like this- they can really mess you up if you stay too long around them. Don't, OK?"

  


Remus looked one more time in the mirror. There he stood still human, and Remus felt a sudden surge of jealousy toward James. He hadn't any clue what Remus saw and felt when he looked in the mirror! When James looked at himself, he saw fame, glory, Quidditch stardom. How could he understand how very desperately Remus wanted what the mirror showed him? And worse - James was very likely to get his wish. Remus hated this jealous feeling, because he really was thrilled for James, that he would probably receive his heart's desire; he wanted nothing less for his friends. But still - what he wouldn't give to have a little, rather unimportant desire like that! If that was what James' heart most desired, he must be very happy with his life, to want nothing more. 

  


Then the jealousy suddenly burned away, and Remus just felt guilty for having been jealous of his friend in the first place. James was right, of course.

  


"I won't come back." Remus said firmly, tearing his gaze away from the mirror for the last time. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Gwarcheidiol

       _Author's Note- first of, allow me to apologise for taking so long to update! I just moved away to college about a week and a half ago, and the Internet's been all screwed up because of the virus, so posting this has been practically impossible. Add to that the fact that my muse seems to have died before helping me edit this, and that I am in mourning because of her death, and classes here are keeping me insanely busy and I'm horribly homesick- have I given enough excuses yet to justify the wait? No? Darn. Oh well- here it is, the sixth chapter- the seventh is being written without the aid of my muse, so it's a slow process, but I assure you I'm not giving up on this story. The Welsh Word of the Day- Gwarcheidiol means Guardians. Now to respond to some reviewers- please note, I love you all incredibly, and would love to reply to each of you in person, but that would take a lot of space and then other folks would get bored. If I don't mention you by name, please don't think it's because I don't like you or anything like that! Also, I love email, and will always respond to any email you might send. Ahem- _

_Kady Rilla Wholi- thanks so much for all of your reviews! Like I said, didn't mean to ignore you! I don't actually know how long the story will be, or how long it will cover. I have specific plans for all the way through their second year, and plot bunnies for years 3-5, and as far as I can tell, I'll probably get more after that- that seems to be the way of things. I'll let you know if I ever make a decision. I think you'll find that there is Lily in this chapter- and please, people, don't tell me at the end that Lily was "out of character" with regards to her feelings about James, et al. I have specific plans in mind, and will not violate canon, I swear. Thanks! And Amddyffyniad means "Protections"_

_NightSpear- Thanks for your review! I agree with you about he Hospital Wing scene, and can only say that I couldn't get it to fit together any more smoothly than it did. I may revise that if I get a chance._

_Sorry if I've forgotten to answer any questions, but I think you've heard enough of my mad author-ly ramblings now, don't you? On with the fic!_

_Or not. Forgot this- Disclaimer. Don't own 'em. Any of 'em. Wish I did, but I don't. JKR owns all. Please don't sue. Thank you very much!  _

6. Gwarcheidiol

Lily Evans found it hard to believe that it was December. It seemed like only a few weeks ago that the owl had arrived at her home, telling her that she was a witch, that she had been accepted to Hogwarts. Her entire world had turned upside down that day, and she was very glad of it. Lily loved Hogwarts, and loved learning magic. She was looking forward to going home over Christmas break and telling her family all about the wonderful new world that she was now firmly a part of. She did write to her parents every week, and she had tried writing to her sister Petunia once or twice, but Petunia didn't reply, and letters were really no substitute for actually seeing family.

So how had four months passed in such a blur? However it had happened, the fact was that it was now December- December second, to be precise, and the school year continued to speed by, and Christmas was fast approaching. Lily and the rest of the Gryffindor first years had just finished a particularly dull Potions class, with only a few minor explosions and no major injuries, so Lily counted it a good class. The dungeons where Potions class was held had been freezing, though, so everyone was in something of a hurry to get to lunch in the warm Great Hall. 

Lily found herself separated from the rest of the girls as she hurried along; she was now walking directly behind the four first year Gryffindor boys. She couldn't help rolling her eyes a bit as Sirius complained that he had been unable to get a single firework to explode during class. That would of course explain the relative calm they had enjoyed, Lily thought. Sirius' words were cut off, though, by the arrival in front of their group of a tall boy in Slytherin robes. Lily didn't know if she had seen him before; he looked strong and well built, with light brown hair and intelligent brown eyes, and seemed very familiar, but Lily was certain she had never before encountered any of the Slytherin upperclassmen. 

"Remus." The tall boy's voice was cold and mocking, and Lily suddenly realised that he looked familiar because he bore a strong family resemblance to Remus; probably an older brother. Remus had never mentioned him, though.

"Romulus." Remus replied; his voice, in contrast to Romulus', was mild and polite. Romulus looked at him with great dislike.

"You're not looking very well today." Romulus observed, smiling unpleasantly. True, Lily thought, Remus didn't look good- he was quite pale, even for Remus, and looked exhausted. She wondered if he was ill. "A word in private, if you please, Remus?" Romulus continued; it was obviously not a request. Remus shrugged, and the two walked a few paces away from the rest of the Gryffindors. Actually, only Lily, James, Peter and Sirius now remained, the rest of the class having already proceeded to lunch. Lily wondered whether to wait with the others or go to lunch herself. She could wait for a few minutes, at least; it was dull walking alone.

Remus and Romulus were now involved in a quiet conversation at the far end of the corridor. Romulus' face was quite unpleasant, and he looked like he was saying something that Remus did not like. Remus kept a pleasant, blank expression on his face, but Lily noticed that his hands were clenched tightly into fists, barely visible beneath the sleeves of his robes. Romulus' voice was rising now in anger, but he wasn't speaking in English; when Remus replied in a quiet voice, he spoke the same language. Lily wasn't sure what it was-

"Welsh." James said, standing next to her, evidently having seen the look of confusion on her face. "They're talking in Welsh, I'm pretty sure- Remus told us he speaks it, that his family often use it at home." Lily just nodded, unsure as to whether to say anything in response; she gave up trying to understand what the two were saying, and concentrated on figuring out what they meant by watching their faces. It was clear that Romulus was giving Remus a difficult time about something, and that Remus was struggling very hard not to get upset. Finally, Remus turned and walked away, back toward their group.

"_Anghenfil_!" Romulus spat after him. Remus ignored him, and began walking again towards the Great Hall, followed closely by the others.

"What was that?" Peter asked, though his attention was clearly more focused on the lunch ahead of him.

"That was my brother Romulus. I think you met him before."

"Yeah, we did, on the train." James said, shoving at his glasses. "But I think what Peter meant is 'what did that git want and why was he yelling you?' Isn't that right, Pete?"

"Yup. That's exactly what I meant to say." Peter said, now rifling through his bag looking for something. "What did that git want and why was he yelling at you, Rem?"

Remus gave a tiny sigh, and answered, "He didn't want anything, except to make me mad. He was yelling at me because that's what he does. Lovely person, my dear brother." But Lily could see, despite these words, that Remus was really sad; upset, perhaps, that they didn't get along? Or just bothered by whatever Romulus had said?

"Uh-huh." Sirius said. "Right. I have one of those myself, you know. What was that he yelled at you when you left? Some kind of curse?" Sirius looked interested. 

"No. Just an insult." Remus said shortly. 

"Never heard that one before." James said.

"No, you wouldn't have. It's Welsh."

"Told ya!" James crowed, grinning at Lily for a second before turning back to Remus. "And what's it mean?" Remus didn't answer, didn't look at any of the others, just shook his head silently. James and Sirius looked at each other, and broke into identical evil grins. It was obvious that they were now not going to leave Remus alone until he told them what they wanted to know. The boys took a bizarre amount of pleasure, Lily thought, in annoying each other. 

"Reeeemus." Sirius whined, still grinning. "Tell us!"

"We want to know!" James said in the same tone. 

"It sounded really cool." 

"We want to know if we can use it at people who annoy us."

"And we'd just use it anyway, except that we need to know what it means for it to be properly insulting."

"Right. You can't just go around shouting random words at people and hoping they'll be insulted, you know."

"So." Sirius finished, cutting off the perfectly synchronized back-and-forth conversation that now had Peter in hysterics, giggling weakly. Lily didn't actually think it was that funny. Sirius caught up to Remus, and crossing his arms, leaned on top of the smaller boy's head as if he were a piece of furniture. Remus rolled his eyes. "What's it mean, Rem?"

Remus looked exasperated. "You can't call people that!" He told them rather hotly; coming from calm, quiet Remus, this was practically a screaming fit. Lily thought that Romulus must have upset him a lot more than he let on.

"Is it something really bad, then?" James asked, his face darkening with anger now. "'Cause if it is, we'll just go back and hex him." Sirius was nodding furiously, still leaning on Remus' head. 

"You can't hex him." Remus said. "He's a sixth year. He knows a lot more magic than you do, including several illegal curses that he doesn't mind using. Stay away from him." 

"Remus." James said firmly. "What. Did. He. Call. You?" 

"Anghenfil." Remus' voice was small; he obviously resented having to share this information. "It means- well, the kindest translation is 'freak'. Satisfied?" He ducked his head and pulled quickly away from Sirius, who stumbled, nearly falling over as his support was removed. Remus resumed walking, followed closely by the others. Sirius dashed up beside Remus, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't mind him, Rem. He's a git." Sirius' voice was cheerful, as was the grin he flashed in Remus' direction; Remus just shrugged, as though it was unimportant. Lily felt for him; Romulus reminded her somewhat of Petunia. She and Lily had never been close, but ever since Lily had received her Hogwarts letter, Petunia wanted nothing to do with her little sister. Lily had been very hurt by her sister's reaction, but there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't help what she was, and it was Petunia's problem if she couldn't accept that.

When they reached the Great Hall, Lily went to sit with the other girls, and didn't see much of the boys for the rest of the day. Lily wasn't very close to any of the Gryffindor girls; they were all friendly, but not exactly friends. After dinner that evening as she sat in the Common Room working on homework, she saw the boys come through the portrait hole, after curfew, as usual. Well, three of them, anyway; Remus wasn't with the others. As they passed her armchair, Lily leaned to the side to talk to them.

"Out losing more points again tonight? Where's Remus? Why isn't he with you?"

"He had to go home." Peter told her, as James and Sirius pretended they couldn't hear her; they disliked being needled about their escapades. "His mum's really sick again." Lily nodded sympathetically; Remus' mother seemed to get sick a lot, and they all felt bad for him. 

Remus was absent the next day, and the day after. That evening, though, as Lily was studying in the Common Room again, she looked up to see him walking through the portrait hole, looking exhausted. She waved at him, and he came over, taking a seat across the table from her. Lily liked Remus; he was the quietest of the four boys, and very kind. The two were the most studious of the Gryffindor first years, and often studied together. Remus came to Lily when he needed help with Potions, his weakest subject, and Lily brought all of her difficulties in Defense Against the Dark Arts to Remus for help. He was the only one of the boys that she would really call her friend.

"Hi." Remus said, smiling at her tiredly. "Would you mind letting me copy your Charms notes, Lily? I missed class today, and you take much better notes than any of the guys."

"Of course you can copy my notes." Lily said, grinning back at him. "How's your mum?"

"Oh- she's much better now, thank you." Remus took the notes she handed him and began to look through them, checking to see what he had missed.

"Hey Remus, I was wondering if maybe you could give me a hand with something for Defense, if you have a minute." Lily said after a moment. She hated to bother him when he looked so tired, but she really could use his expert assistance. It was a well known fact that Remus was the top student in Defense, despite the teacher's seeming hatred of him. Nobody understood that one. 

"Sure!" Remus said, brightening. He really did love helping people; Lily thought he would make a fantastic teacher, certainly better than Muerno. "What do you need help with?"

"Boggarts, actually. I've read all about them, but Muerno wasn't very clear about how you're actually supposed to get rid of them, and I remember our first class- you got rid of that Boggart with no difficulty. I had no clue what to do- I was just so frightened by it when he made us face it in class."

Remus looked thoughtful. "Well, what shape does your Boggart assume? If you don't mind telling me, I mean; I understand if you don't want to."

"No, it's fine. It becomes a werewolf." Why did that make Remus go so tense? His face was suddenly a careful blank mask, and he didn't say anything for a minute. When he did speak, though, his voice was as polite and pleasant as ever.

"Really?"

"Yes. When I was growing up, I didn't believe in werewolves, of course, being raised as a Muggle. And then I found out that magic does exist, and so do monsters. The other girls told me some stuff about werewolves, and then I read about them in our DADA book- they terrify me." Lily didn't mind telling Remus this, though she would have been horribly embarrassed to say it to anyone else. Remus was just so trustworthy that she never felt uncomfortable telling him anything. 

"Well," Remus said after a moment of thought, "when dealing with Boggarts, you have to force them to become something you don't find frightening. What could you do to a werewolf to make it seem amusing to you?"

"I don't know. That's actually exactly what has me stumped. I know the incantation and everything else." Lily said after a moment.

"When you see the werewolf, do you see it in wolf form or human form?"

"Wolf. But I'm terrified of them in either form, you know. That's the worst part- werewolves look human most of the time, so you wouldn't even know they weren't really. I mean, just think, a werewolf could act human most of the time and completely fool everyone. That's really scary."

Remus had dropped his quill while she was speaking, and ducked under the table to fetch it. When his head popped back up, he looked a little flustered.

"Alright then, so we can't make it assume human form, since that would still frighten you. What about making it look like some other kind of animal? Can you think of an animal that would amuse you?" Lily thought again, but didn't say anything. Remus suddenly grinned brightly, and asked, "What about a mouse? You're not frightened of mice, are you?"

"No, not at all- I used to have mice as pets at home. I think they're cute. That might work!"

"We haven't got a Boggart to practice with, of course; maybe we can find one, though. I'll keep an eye out, and if we find one, we can practice on it. I think you should be fine, though, now that you've got an idea of what to do." He smiled encouragingly at her.

"Thank you, Professor Lupin." Lily said, grinning. "You'd be a good teacher, you know." Remus blushed.

"Was there anything else you needed help with, Lily?"

"No, but thank you. I think I'll be alright now." Remus nodded, and pulling out quill and parchment, began to copy the Charms notes Lily had lent him. It was quiet for a while at their table, with only the scratching of Remus' quill breaking the silence. Lily finished her DADA homework, and began to try to read the assigned chapter for History of Magic. Remus, the only student who did not consider that class to be naptime, had assured everyone else repeatedly that they missed nothing while asleep, and that if they just read the chapters, they would be fine in Binns' class. It was an extremely dull read, though not as stultifying as the class itself.

When Remus' quill fell silent, Lily dragged herself out of the History-induced stupor she found herself in and looked over the edge of the book at her friend. She stifled a laugh as she saw that Remus had fallen asleep on his completed notes, with her copy of the notes neatly stacked in front of her book. His arms were crossed, the sleeves pulled up to his elbows, and his head was on top of them, as if he were sleeping on a pillow. His hair was tousled, and Lily could only see part of his face; he looked exhausted, even in sleep.

Lily put her book down, looking at him more closely. When awake, Remus tended to look older than his friends, but in sleep, he looked very young. It was his eyes that made him look older; there was a quality to them that seemed to belong to someone much older, someone who had seen far more than any child should. With his eyes closed in sleep, Remus looked like a little boy, all purity and innocence. Lily felt oddly protective of her friend as she watched him sleep. _It must be those maternal instincts Mum always said I had_, Lily thought wryly. 

The portrait hole opened, and James and Sirius came in from detention; they had gotten in trouble earlier in the day for daring Peeves to write insulting remarks on the blackboard during Charms class. Peeves had been more than thrilled to do it, of course, but had placed the blame on the boys when he was caught by Professor Flitwick. Peter had been involved too, of course, and had been assigned detention with them. Lily supposed he had been made to stay late, as often happened when he had detention. 

"Hey, Remus!" Sirius crowed as he spotted his friend. Lily jumped up and rushed over to the boys, shushing them.

"Shut up, would you? He's sleeping!"

"On the table?" James asked incredulously. "That's not comfortable- I always wake up with a sore neck when I try that in Binns' class."

"He looked really exhausted." Lily told them as they walked back to her table.

"When did he get back?" Sirius asked, standing next to Remus.

"He came in about an hour ago, and we've been studying since then." 

"Typical." James snorted. "That's Remus for you. Comes back all exhausted, and sits down to study." He glanced at Remus, then looked again, narrowing his eyes. Lily saw he was looking at Remus' arms, still uncovered as he slept. She gave a little gasp as she saw what James was staring at.

Remus' lower arms bore several nasty-looking cuts and bruises; where there were none of these, the skin was marred by silvery scars that looked like they came from cuts or deep scratches. The fresh cuts and bruises looked no more than a day or two old. Lily didn't know why she hadn't noticed before. She was horrified at what she saw. What had happened to him? He hadn't said a word about any of this!

Sirius had seen too. He caught her eye and shook his head, telling her silently not to say a word. James got the same message, and then Sirius laid a hand on Remus' shoulder and shook him gently.

"Remus. Come on, Rem, wake up." Remus came awake quickly, sitting up and rubbing at his eyes with his fists. As he dropped his hands back down, his sleeves fell back into place, covering his arms once more. He looked sleepily at James and Sirius, taking a moment to register their presence.

"Oh- hi guys. When did you get in?"

"Just now." James told him. "You?" 

"Not long ago, I think."

"How's your mum?" Sirius asked.

"She's doing much better, thanks." Remus said, fighting a yawn.

"OK, that's it." James said sternly, amusement glinting in his hazel eyes. "It's bedtime, Remy." He spoke as though addressing a recalcitrant toddler.

"Don't call me Remy!" Remus said, looking affronted. "And anyway, I can't go to bed yet, I've got mountains of homework to do."

"Nope!" Sirius said. "You've got no homework to do. Not until you've slept. Go to bed." Remus looked rebellious, but seemed to realise that James and Sirius were not going to let him go back to work. Sighing, he gathered up his books and parchment, and left with a quick farewell. Sirius shook his head at Remus' retreating back.

"He's got an overdeveloped work ethic, that's his problem." 

James turned to Lily. "Lily, can we talk to you for a minute?"

Lily was not fond of either James or Sirius. They were loud, wild and rather obnoxious, and she normally didn't have much to do with them. Now, however, they both looked uncharacteristically serious and a bit worried. She nodded, and they all sat down around the table. James looked at Sirius, and they both looked at Lily.

"We're worried about Remus." Sirius told her. "This is the third time he's done this."

"Yeah." James said. "He goes away to visit his mum for a few days, and comes back looking ill and exhausted and all beat up like that. We saw last time- he had the same kinds of cuts and bruises."

"What do you think is going on?" Lily asked, looking from one to the other.

"We don't know." Sirius admitted. "He won't tell us anything at all when we ask- he just shuts down and won't speak. We think maybe something's going on at home."

"We wanted to ask you to help us keep an eye on him." James said solemnly, looking straight at Lily. "He likes you- says you're like the sister he never had." Lily was extremely flattered to hear this. She tended to think of Remus as a brother, and it was nice to have the sentiments returned.

"I will." Lily told them. "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help, OK? I hate to see him like that."

"We do too." Sirius told her. Lily had never seen the two mischievous boys this serious before. She hadn't realised that they could be this concerned for their friend; Lily wondered if maybe she had misjudged them.

The conversation was interrupted by the sudden return of Remus, who came flying down the stairs, looking very excited.

"I just got an owl from my parents." He told them, waving a piece of parchment. "I asked them if you could come stay for the first part of Christmas break, Sirius, and they said yes!" Lily knew that Sirius had wanted to go to the Potter's house for Christmas, but that important Potter family plans would not allow him to come stay until after the 26th of December, so Sirius had planned on staying at Hogwarts until that time. Remus had suddenly become very shy, saying, "I - that is, if you want to. If you don't, that's fine- but it's just that everyone else is going home, and- and no-one should be alone at Christmas." 

Sirius grinned at Remus. "I'd love to come. Thanks, Rem. Thank your parents for me, would you?" Remus smiled back, and nodded, then went back upstairs. Sirius looked much brighter.

"Weird." James said. Sirius and Lily looked curiously at him. "It's just that Remus just left home this afternoon, right? So why are his parents owling him? Couldn't they have just told him before he left?" Sirius looked puzzled and shrugged.

"Thanks, Lily." Sirius said, turning back to her. "We appreciate your help- really." 

"Not at all. Let me know if anything happens, all right?" 

"Sure." James agreed. "'Night, Lily." With brief smiles, the two boys had left, following Remus up the stairs to their dorm. Lily sat for a few moments in thought. If someone had told her a few hours ago that she would have shared a serious conversation with James Potter and Sirius Black, she would have thought them crazy. Strange how opinions could change so very fast; perhaps they weren't really so bad after all. 


	7. Nadolig

_Authors Note- Thank you so much, all of you who reviewed! I am constantly blown away by how many thoughtful reviews I've received for this story. You guys rock! Now, as you can see, I've managed to get this seventh chapter finished- quite rapidly, actually. Can't make any promises for the next chapter, though. Now for review replies-_

_NightSpear-Thanks! I'm glad to see that people think I've done Lily right- I was a bit worried about that. Romulus is mean, yes, but I have more for him to do later (boo, hiss)- you haven't seen the last of him. Anghenfil- actually, Remus wasn't lying, it actually does mean "freak"- or "monster." He just translated it the kindest way, as he said. _

_Kady Rilla Wholi- thanks so much for the review! As to writing a prequel- I think you'll find eventually it's not necessary. This story will be covering in some depth what happened to Remus, how he was bitten, but not for a while yet. It is all planned out, it'll just take me a while to get there._

_This Parrot has ceased to be- I'm still trying to work out exactly how and when Lily's relationship with the Marauders changes. It will be changing to fit canon, to be sure, but the details area bit fuzzy still._

_Disclaimer- James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily and all other characters from the books belong to JK Rowling; I'm just borrowing them, not claiming them. The original characters, however, belong to me. Please don't sue me, because I'm very broke._

_One final note- Today's Welsh Word of the Day is Nadolig, which means Christmas. Doesn't it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? No? Well, that's fine then- on with the fic! _

Chapter 7- Nadolig

Sirius was extremely glad to see the approach of the Christmas break. He was looking forward to meeting the Lupins, and the prospect of spending Christmas somewhere other than his own home was extremely attractive to him. So it was with great pleasure that Sirius packed the belongings he would be bringing with him on the morning of December 18th; Remus, James and Peter were packing as well, each preparing to visit his own family for the break. Remus was extremely excited to be going home; Sirius thought he had never seen his friend look so happy. Peter was also glad to be going home, and James had been anticipating this visit for a very long time.

Sirius knew somewhat how they all felt, because even though he did not mis his own family one bit, he did miss the Potters. They had become almost a second set of parents to him over the years, with Sirius spending about as much time at their house as at his own. When he had first come to Hogwarts, Sirius had been surprised to find how much he missed them. It had been much harder for all of the others, of course, having their own parents to miss. Remus had been the most homesick of any of them; a good thing then, maybe, that his mum got sick so much. At least it had given him a chance to go home to visit several times, which must have made it easier for him. 

Sirius finished packing only a few minutes before it was time to leave, and the four proceeded to the entrance hall together, their possessions in tow. It was not much longer before they were boarding the Hogwarts Express, bound for Platform Nine and Three-Quarters again, where their parents would be meeting them. It was very interesting, Sirius thought as the train began to move along. They were seated in the last compartment of the train again, the same compartment they had shared on the ride to Hogwarts less than four months ago. Sirius couldn't believe that he had only met Peter and Remus then; it seemed now that they had known each other forever. Peter had grown an inch or two since then, and learned a great deal about the magical world. Remus had opened up incredibly, becoming a fantastic friend; he was weird, certainly, but that was one of the reasons Sirius liked him. James was the same James he had always been, and it was great having him there at Hogwarts; it would have been far more frightening to Sirius if he hadn't had his best friend with him. 

The boys passed a few hours playing Exploding Snap and eating junk food off of the snack cart. After James managed to create an explosion large enough to incinerate his eyebrows, the game was abandoned in favor of conversation.

"I love Christmas." Peter said, still munching on sweets. James and Remus nodded agreement; Sirius shrugged.

"Christmas was never very pleasant in my house."

"That's why you always came to my house, of course!" James said, shoving Sirius lightly; Sirius returned the gesture.

"I remember when I was two," Peter said, smiling reminiscently. "I knocked down the Christmas tree right on top of myself - I didn't get hurt, but I was frightened! Mum thought I must have been killed, and she started screaming. That was the wildest Christmas I've ever had." 

Sirius and James were both looking at Peter with interest. 

"Whoa, that's so weird!" James said. "You remember stuff that happened when you were _two?_"

"Is that some kind of Muggle ability?" Sirius asked.

"What do you mean?" Remus queried.

"Well, I sure don't remember being two. I don't remember anything from before I was about five, and I just wondered if that's something Muggles - and Muggleborn wizards, of course- can do." Sirius explained. James nodded in agreement.

"Neither of you remembers anything from before you were five?" Remus asked sharply, staring intently at them. 

"Nope." James said. "Do you, Rem?" Remus nodded tightly, without another word. Peter still looked interested.

"That's really strange, guys, that you can't remember. Everybody else I know remembers stuff from when they were really little, just like I do. I wonder why you two don't?" James and Sirius just shrugged, now somewhat disturbed by the idea that there might be something the matter with their memories. The last half hour of the journey passed without much more conversation, and they were all glad when the Hogwarts Express finally began to slow to a halt at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. The four boys gathered their belongings and left the train hurriedly, looking for their parents. Peter saw his mum and dad first, and with hurried good-byes and wishes for happy holidays, he was gone, swallowed up in the crowd. 

"There you are, James!" A man's voice sounded behind them, and James and Sirius spun around to see Mr. Potter smiling at them. He was very similar in looks to his son; his eyes were blue instead of hazel, and he did not wear glasses, but in all other respects, he was identical to James. He grabbed both boys in a brief bear hug, then released them, ruffling their hair. 

"Hi Dad!" James looked thrilled to see his father, as Sirius was. Sirius looked for Remus, eager to introduce him to Mr. Potter, but Remus had disappeared. 

"We'd better get going, James. Your mum insisted that I get you home right away- we've guests coming very shortly, you know. Sirius, we're looking forward to having you visit after Christmas- and I'm very sorry you couldn't come right away." 

"No, that's quite all right, Mr. Potter." Sirius told him. "I'm looking forward to seeing you again soon! Happy Christmas, both of you!" 

"Happy Christmas, Sirius!" Both of the Potters smiled and waved at Sirius briefly before turning and heading quickly for the exit. Sirius looked around, and finally caught sight of Remus, only a few feet away. They had been separated by the crowd, and now Remus caught sight of Sirius and hurried over to join him.

"Where's James? I saw Peter leave already." Remus looked around.

"James just left with his dad- they were in a bit of a hurry." Sirius told him. They spent a few minutes in silence, waiting for Remus' parents to appear. Finally, Remus broke into a huge grin as he apparently caught sight of his parents.

"There they are!" He pointed, but Sirius couldn't tell who he was indicating; that was all right, though, because Remus was already gone, running toward the Lupins at full speed. Sirius saw him stop before a pleasant-looking couple and fling his arms around both of them. They hugged him back, looking very happy. After a minute, they all headed back toward Sirius, who had stood waiting by the luggage, not wanting to intrude. Sirius studied them quickly as they approached; Remus' father was quite tall, with the same light-brown hair and warm smile that Remus possessed. Remus' mother was a bit on the short side, with reddish-brown hair and kind-looking eyes. They each had an arm around Remus' shoulders, and all three looked quite happy. 

"Sirius, these are my parents. Mam, Da- Sirius Black." 

"I'm pleased to meet you." Sirius said, extending his hand to Mr. and Mrs. Lupin in turn. They both smiled at him as they shook his hand.

"We're very glad you'll be spending Christmas with us, Sirius." Mrs. Lupin said.

"Thank you very much for allowing me to stay." Sirius said earnestly; he was very grateful to the Lupins for having him, because he had not relished the idea of staying at Hogwarts alone until the Potters could take him in. Besides, this gave him the perfect opportunity to try to figure out what was going on with Remus. 

The four made their way out of the crowd, carrying Sirius' and Remus' luggage. They were going to Floo to the Lupin residence, as they apparently lived in the middle of nowhere in Wales; Sirius was glad of this, because Floo was fast, and he was quite tired of traveling by this point. It was indeed very fast, and they had arrived safely at the Lupin's house within only a few moments. Remus looked around, a smile growing on his face.

"Everything still looks exactly the same!" Remus said, obviously quite pleased. "Come on, Sirius, let's take our stuff upstairs." 

The Lupin's house was quite small, but cozy and comfortable. The air smelled of fresh gingerbread, and there was a warm fire flickering in the fireplace. Sirius saw with a quick glance out the window that the house seemed to be surrounded by trees covered lightly with fresh snow; it looked like a painting. He followed Remus up the stairs and into a small bedroom, obviously Remus'. Remus tossed his belongings onto the end of the bed and flopped down next to them with a smile. Sirius saw there was a second bed against the wall behind him, and he copied Remus' actions, and the two of them sat in a comfortable silence for a minute. 

"So, what d'you want to do?" Remus asked. Sirius thought briefly.

"Are there any cool things in the forest you've got outside?" He asked hopefully. Remus laughed and shook his head.

"Not much interesting there, but we can go out and have a look, if you like." They jumped up and pulled on warm cloaks before heading outside. It was very lovely outside, if a bit cold, and the boys spent a few minutes tossing snowballs at each other. Sirius noticed a small shed a short distance from the house.

"What's that?" Sirius asked, as he began walking toward it. 

"Um, that's our shed." Remus' voice was somewhat hesitant, though Sirius didn't know why. As he approached the little shed, he noticed that it looked rather dilapidated. The door hung awkwardly on one hinge, and looked as though it had been clawed at by an animal; in fact, Sirius noted, there were bite marks on the wood as well. The door had a great number of chains and locks on it, and a great metal bar obviously intended to keep the door entirely secure. He stepped inside the shed; it was very dark and small, with no windows.

"Do you have a dog? Is that what made those marks?" Sirius asked eagerly. He was very fond of dogs, although his parents refused to allow him to own any; he had to be content playing with the Potter's dogs. 

"No, we don't. Um, that is- we used to, and now we don't, but yeah, that's- that's what made the shed look like this." Remus was definitely uncomfortable; he stood outside the shed at a short distance, looking unwilling to enter. Actually, he looked quite miserable, and rather small in his large cloak. Just then, Mr. Lupin came out of the house and walked over to join the boys.

"Ah, there you two are!" Mr. Lupin said cheerfully. "I wanted to tell you to wash up, as we'll be eating in a few minutes." He glanced at the shed, and then looked closer. "Hmm. We'll be needing to fix that door up, won't we? Maybe we can take care of that tomorrow." Remus nodded silently, and Mr. Lupin reached out a hand to ruffle his hair fondly. The three began to walk back toward the house, Remus' father going ahead of the boys. He had reached the house by the time Sirius and Remus were halfway there. Sirius suddenly reached down and grabbed a large handful of snow; packing it quickly into a ball, he threw it at Remus, hitting the side of his head. Remus yelped, and turned to glare at Sirius. Within seconds, though, he had retaliated with a snowball of his own, and the two were embroiled in a massive snowball fight. Finally, they ended up wrestling in the snow, rolling around and mock-fighting like puppies, both laughing.

Remus' parents had both come to the door at the sounds of the fight, and as they stopped wrestling, Sirius saw them staring at Remus as though they had never seen him before. Mrs. Lupin appeared ready to burst into tears for some reason, and Mr. Lupin was smiling proudly. Remus turned and grinned at them, and his mother gave a wide smile in return.

Sirius decided not to even try to decipher the reasons behind their strange reactions. Lupins, he thought to himself, were a strange breed, and it was no good trying to understand them. Take Remus, for example- as weird as they came, and obviously hiding some secrets, but a great friend none the less. Weird is good, Sirius proclaimed silently as he followed Remus inside to wash up. 

That night as he lay awake, Sirius contemplated Remus' family. It seemed quite obvious now that, whatever they had suspected before, Remus' parents were not mistreating him in any way. He obviously was very close to them, and they loved him in return. Sirius tried to stifle a pang of jealousy; James and Remus both had wonderful, loving families, and his family was the exact opposite. At that moment, he would have given just about anything to trade lives with Remus Lupin. 

The next few days were incredible. Sirius and Remus did help Mr. Lupin repair the shed door, although Remus didn't look happy about it. They spent some time in the kitchen with Mrs. Lupin, making Christmas cookies the Muggle way. Sirius had never done that before, and was astonished to discover how much fun it was. He and Remus somehow managed to cover every surface of the kitchen in flour, due to a large scale accident that was entirely Sirius' fault. Mrs. Lupin just laughed and cleaned up the mess magically; the cookies turned out delicious. The boys also spent several hours every day in the woods outside Remus' home, wandering and exploring. It was very peaceful out there, and Sirius found it fascinating. 

On December 24th, Sirius realized that he would be leaving to stay with the Potters in only a few more days; unexpectedly, he was not entirely pleased by this fact. He usually loved visiting with the entire Potter family, but he had enjoyed such a nice time with the Lupins, he would be quite sorry to leave. The boys went to bed rather late that night, and Remus fell asleep immediately, but Sirius lay awake, thinking. This was, in fact, the perfect opportunity for him to talk to Remus' parents about his friend. There were plenty of things about Remus that worried Sirius; if anyone knew what was going on with him, it would be his parents. Sirius got up quietly and tiptoed from the room, careful not to wake Remus. He could see a light still on downstairs, and could hear quiet voices, so he knew the Lupins were still awake. He walked downstairs, and entered the cozy living room where Remus' parents sat. 

"Um? Uncle Nicholas? Aunt Mabyn? Can I talk to you?" It had seemed a bit strange at first to address Remus' parents in that manner, but they had insisted, and by now it was quite comfortable; they did seem like family to Sirius now. 

"Sirius? Why are you up? Of course you can talk to us!" Nicholas Lupin said, smiling at him. Sirius took a seat in a comfortable armchair, and looked soberly at the Lupins.

"I wanted to talk to you about Remus, and since he's sleeping now, I thought this would be a good time."

"Oh?" Mabyn said curiously. "What about him?"

"Well, actually, James and me are a bit worried about him- and Peter is too, of course. And Lily." Sirius knew he wasn't making much sense, but he didn't particularly care. "I mean, he gets sick all the time. And when he comes to visit you when you get sick, Aunt Mabyn, he comes back looking all exhausted and ill. And then he seems to keep getting hurt- he's come back with bruises and cuts several times now. And he won't tell us why, and, well, we've all been worried." Sirius finished a bit lamely. Nicholas and Mabyn looked at each other silently before turning back to him.

"Sirius, it's very touching that you're so concerned about Remus- you're a very good friend. In this situation, though, I'm afraid we really can't tell you any more than what Remus has told you. This is his business, and it's not our place to tell you if he won't." Nicholas spoke softly, looking a bit sad.

"But something is wrong!" Sirius cried. "I know there's something wrong, and I want to help him! Look, you don't understand- he keeps getting these terrible nightmares. And the mirror- he saw something in the mirror that made him _cry_! And the professors- some of them treat him really weird! Something's not right, and you can't ask me not to try to help him!" He was a bit desperate now.

"Sirius." Mabyn said quietly, moving forward and taking hold of his hands; he had been gesticulating wildly with them as he spoke. "Would it make you feel any better to tell you that we know what's going on with Remus? We know what's wrong, and I promise you, he will be all right. He's had a hard time, but he will be fine." Mabyn sounded rather like she was reassuring herself as well as Sirius; he noticed that there were tears in her eyes as she spoke. Nicholas placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled at Sirius.

"With friends like you and James- and Peter, did you say? - he will be fine. We're not asking you not to help him, we just cannot tell you any more than what Remus has shared with you- it's not our place." Sirius sat back, disappointed, but somewhat relieved. If Remus' parents knew what was going on and weren't worried, it must mean that it wasn't too bad. Maybe Remus had a weird disease or something- but it was useless to speculate. He nodded slowly, and Mabyn released his hands and sat back. She looked at her husband for a moment, and a silent conversation obviously took place between them before she turned back to him and spoke again.

"Sirius, may we ask you a favor?" She sounded quite serious, and he nodded silently. "Do you know what we do, Sirius?"

"You're both Aurors, aren't you?"

"Yes." Mr. Lupin responded. "We're currently working with Professor Dumbledore on a special project; I can't go into details, but suffice it to say, it's quite dangerous. There is a strong chance that we may be killed in the course of this work." His face was solemn.

"Killed?" Sirius asked weakly. It was one thing to contemplate a noble death in the line of duty, fighting for Good. It was quite another to hear someone calmly state that they were most likely going to die.

"Yes." Mrs. Lupin responded, a bit sadly. "Remus knows this already."

"But why? I mean, why not do something less risky?" Sirius blurted out. He was rather surprised at himself; his only explanation for the outburst was the fact that he had become so fond of the Lupins in the short time he had known them; they did seem like family now, and Sirius hated to think of them dead. And besides, what would that do to Remus?

"Sirius, there are things worth fighting and dying for. There are evil people who cannot be allowed to do whatever they wish; if it requires some dying to keep all from being subjugated, that is a price that must be paid. We are willing to die if we must." Nicholas told him, still in calm, quiet tones. 

"What we wanted to ask you was, if we should die, will you try to look out for Remus?" Mabyn said, a bit anxiously. "You are a good friend to him; he looks up to you. If something should happen to us, he will need a friend, more than ever."

"Of course." Sirius said, for once in his life completely serious. " I promise. But I certainly hope you don't die!"

Nicholas laughed. "So do we, Sirius." 

Sirius stood up, feeling that there was nothing much more to be said. To his surprise, Mabyn and Nicholas stood as well, and Mabyn reached out to embrace him. His own mother hadn't hugged him ever, not that he could remember, and he was more than a bit surprised. Nicholas also reached out and ruffled his hair, the way he often did Remus'. Sirius was shocked to find himself fighting back tears; after a moment, Mabyn released him, and he bade the Lupins a quiet goodnight before heading back upstairs. He fell asleep quickly, feeling completely at home. 

The next morning, Sirius woke to see that fresh snow had fallen the night before, and the ground and trees around the Lupin's house were freshly covered. As the thought popped into his brain that it was Christmas, Remus woke up, uncurling himself from his usual sleeping position- tightly curled up in a ball, rather like the way a puppy sleeps. Remus yawned and rubbed his eyes, then smiled at Sirius.

"Happy Christmas, Sirius!"

"Happy Christmas!" Sirius replied with a grin. 

It was indeed a happy Christmas, one of the best Sirius had ever had. He was shocked and very pleased when he received gifts not only from Remus, but also from Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. He was embarrassed that he had nothing to give them, but Mabyn just laughed and hugged him again when he tried to say so. 

"Sirius, dear, don't be ridiculous." She told him in a mock-scolding voice. 

After a long day and a fantastic meal, Sirius found himself in bed again, now quite reluctant to leave the Lupin household at all. Of course, James and his family were expecting him, so he had to go, but he would very much have liked to stay longer with the kind family. 

The morning broke bright and clear the next day, and Sirius got ready to leave right away; the Potters were expecting him fairly early. He had received a very early owl from James saying as much, and asking him to invite Remus to come to Potter Manor for New Years Eve, as there was going to be a party, and Peter was coming, and Sirius would be there of course, so he ought to be sure to tell Remus, and expressing James' wishes for a very Happy Christmas. Being that it was James' owl, it would of course have been late. Sirius ate breakfast with the Lupins, then went to Floo away. Before he left, he hugged all of the Lupins, even Remus, who was embarrassed and seemed rather shocked, but returned the gesture.

"You'll have to come visit some time this summer, Sirius!" Nicholas said, and Mabyn and Remus nodded agreement. 

"Oh, right, that reminds me, Remus- James owled me this morning to say he was having a party at his house on New Years Eve, and to invite you to come. So, I guess I'll see you then?" But Remus had gone weird again- he shook his head, looking miserable.

"Sorry, Sirius- give James my regrets, please- I can't come."

"Why not?" Sirius asked, greatly disappointed. It wouldn't be the same without all four of them!

"I- there's something I have to do that night, and I can't get out of it. Sorry." Remus looked sadder still, and his father moved to put his hand on Remus' small shoulder. "I'll see you back at Hogwarts on the third, then. Have a good time at the Potters!" 

Sirius waved goodbye to all the Lupins, then grabbed a pinch of Floo powder from the jar by the hearth and threw it into the merrily blazing flames, turning them bright green. 

"Potter Manor!" Sirius shouted, and stepped into the fire. Traveling by Floo was very disorienting, but Sirius enjoyed it; it was great fun, actually! He arrived at the Potter's home without any difficulty, and was promptly set upon by James, who was going stir-crazy without him. 

"Sirius! I'm glad to see you, mate- I was about to go insane! It's dull as dirt here when you're not here, you know that, and my parents haven't been any fun at all. They're really worried about some stuff, actually, and they've both been busy with Ministry business since I got back. I'm looking forward to getting back to Hogwarts, to tell you the truth. How was your Christmas?" 

"Very fun!" Sirius told him. "Remus' parents are great. What're your parents so wrapped up in, then?"

"Well," James said as they walked from the room, "Apparently there's some nasty business going on with a Dark Wizard who's setting himself up to be a second Grindlewald or something, and he's gaining quite a bit of power. Nobody really knows who he is, but I know Dumbledore's worried about the whole situation, and that must mean something. The Ministry's doing it's best to keep this all quiet, to avoid frightening people, but people have been _killed_, Sirius! That shouldn't be hushed up- people should know."

"I wonder if that's got anything to do with what Remus' parents are working on?" Sirius wondered. " They just said it's really dangerous, and a secret. James, did you know that Remus' parents are probably going to die?" 

"What?" James asked in shock. 

"Yeah, that was my reaction too. They told me there's a strong chance they'll get killed. Remus knew that already- he never said anything about it, did he?"

"No. But he wouldn't, would he? That's Remus for you. D'you know, though, I asked my parents about the Lupins- 'cause I wondered, because my dad's an Auror, and he never mentioned the Lupins. Turns out, my parents and the Lupins used to be great friends- they even lived near my mum and dad, years and years ago. But then dad said that something happened- he didn't say what, but he looked sad- and that the Lupins moved away very fast, and that they haven't heard a word from them since. Mum just said 'so sad- such a shame', but she wouldn't tell me what she meant. Dad didn't even know the Lupins were back in the field until I told him what Remus and that Caradoc Dearborn said about it; he figures they must be working on some top-secret thing." James finally stopped talking, a bit out of breath.

"Guess that just goes to prove the old saying- everyone knows everyone in the wizarding world. I do wonder what happened, though, that made the Lupins go away so fast. D'you when this happened?" Sirius queried after a moment of reflection.

"Nope. Mum and dad didn't say, just that it was years ago." 

"Oh, I almost forgot, but Remus says he's sorry, but he can't come on New Year's Eve." Sirius said after a few moments of silence, as neither boy really knew what to say. 

"Oh." James said, disappointed. "That's a shame. We should start getting things ready for the party, though, now that you mention it!" 

"I thought you said your parents had already planned everything." 

"Yes, they have. But what good is a dull, boring party planned by adults, hmm? No Dungbombs or snowballs or enchanted ducklings or hexed food? Sirius, I'm surprised at you! Your standards are slipping, mate!" James shook his head in dismay, and Sirius laughed, an evil grin blossoming on his face. 

"You're absolutely right, James. We cannot allow this oversight to go uncorrected! To mischief!" The grin that grew on James' face was identical to Sirius'- all adults who saw ought to have been warned that the Magical Mischief Makers were about to have some fun!


	8. Ymchweliad

_ Hello again! First of all, I'm really glad to see that everyone is still enjoying this story! Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews- they mean so much to me! This chapter was actually written fairly quickly, for reasons unknown. Allow me to say, I did not plan for what happens with Romulus in this piece- I actually had quite a different encounter in mind, but that part sort of wrote itself, and as I liked the end results, I didn't change it. It was just a bit of a surprise to me, that's all. Today's Welsh Word- Ymchweliad, which simply means "Return." The name was chosen after the story was finished, due in part to Romulus. Please review, folks- I'm addicted to them, and that's much better than being addicted to drugs or something, because I'm sure my writing would be far worse if I was a druggie. So anyway, reviews rock my world! Thanks! _

  


_Disclaimer- Don't own much at all, JK Rowling does, I won't claim it. All hail JKR! Please don't sue._

  


Chapter 8- Ymchweliad

  


Remus had mixed feelings about returning to Hogwarts the morning of January 3rd. On the one hand, he loved Hogwarts; classes were fascinating, and he finally had friends! It had been so long since he had known what it was like to have real friends, and now he didn't want to give it up for anything. On the other hand, though, he had missed his parents so much while he had been away at school. It came as a great surprise to him how easily he had been able to slide back into the comfortable routines that he had lived with for years. The house looked the same, his parents were the same, all of which made it easy to imagine he had never left, and was currently making it very difficult for him to leave again. The fact was, though, he really didn't have a choice in the matter; even if he had wanted to stay home, he couldn't now. His parents were deeply involved in Dumbledore's secret project, and they weren't often home anymore. Another aspect of the situation was the fact that Remus knew he had been sent to Hogwarts to be under Dumbledore's protection. With Dark wizards after his parents, as he was well aware they were, it wasn't a smart idea for their son to be unprotected. So, back to Hogwarts it was.

  


Remus dragged himself into a sitting position on his bed, groaning softly. His last transformation had been only a few days previously, on December 31st, and he had injured himself quite badly- not badly enough to have to go to Saint Mungos, though, thankfully. He had spent the time since then sleeping, for the most part, and though he still felt miserable, he could at least walk now. 

  


Breakfast that morning was a quiet affair. A comfortable silence hung over the table as the Lupins ate. Before he knew it, it was time for them to Floo Remus back to Platform Nine and Three- Quarters. The three arrived without fuss, and stood together for a moment, all looking at the Hogwarts Express, gleaming in the sun, waiting to take Remus back to school. He felt a lump growing in his throat as he contemplated leaving his parents again, but told himself sternly that he was not going to cry! He wasn't a little boy, and he wasn't about to act like one.

  


Mrs. Lupin turned to face him, smiling a bit sadly. "Well, Remus, time for you to get on the train, dear." She wrapped her arms around him in a warm hug, which he returned. As soon as she released him, he was swept into another embrace by his father.

  


"You have a good time!" Mr. Lupin said cheerfully, grinning down at his small son. "Get into loads of mischief, and learn everything you can- just remember, you often learn more from what you're not supposed to be doing than what you are." He winked merrily, and Remus grinned back at him, which made his father even happier. His parents had been thrilled to see the changes in him since his return- he was so much happier, and they claimed that he had grown, although he thought they were making that up. He was definitely the shortest boy in his year, and was probably shorter than all of the girls, too- he hadn't measured. 

  


"Yes," Mrs. Lupin replied, her eyes twinkling, "that's very true. But don't get into _too _much trouble, if you can help it, dear." Remus nodded; he did try to avoid trouble whenever he could, but being best mates with James Potter and Sirius Black didn't really facilitate that. Remus and Peter had spent a number of detentions being punished for things they had no part in, before deciding just to take an equal part in the trouble-making. That way, when they were punished, at least it would be for something they had done, Remus reasoned.

  


"Love you guys." Remus said, his voice a little choked even as he smiled at his parents. "I'll write you soon!" He made for the train at once, turning back and waving when he reached the door. His parents stood there waving at him, Nicholas having placed one arm around his wife's shoulders. Remus boarded the train and began to make his way slowly to the last compartment. It had by this time become the official compartment of the four Gryffindor first years, though they hadn't actually said so aloud. When he reached the compartment, Remus realised that he was the only one there so far; with a quiet sigh, he sat in the last seat and rested his head against the seat behind him, his eyes closing at once.

  


He was awakened by James and Sirius bursting into the compartment at top speed, talking at the top of their voices. 

  


"Honestly, James, you _can't_ have forgotten?"

  


"Look, I'm sorry, Sirius- I just somehow neglected to pack them, that's all."

  


"Great." Sirius muttered, flopping dramatically onto the seat opposite Remus, a disgusted look on his face. "Just great. Now how are we ever supposed to do everything we meant to do? We needed those Dungbombs." James followed suit, crashing onto the nearest seat. Remus observed them through a haze of sleep.

  


"Hey, Remus!" James exclaimed, seemingly just noticing that Remus was there. "How are you? Did you have a nice Christmas? Well, I guess you did - from what Sirius said, it sounds like you two had a blast!"

  


Remus nodded a bit, and said "Yes, it was very nice. How were your holidays?"

  


"Fantastic!" James told him. "Loads better once Sirius came, of course. The New Years Eve party was great, Remus- you should have been there!"

  


"Yeah." Sirius put in. "It was great fun, but we missed you." 

  


"Sorry." Remus muttered. "I do wish I'd been able to come." He was getting sleepier by the moment- blast the full moon! It had been so inconveniently timed; he hadn't been able to attend the party, and now he was starting back to school feeling half dead! Not good.

  


Peter entered the compartment, calling out cheerful greetings to all of the others. Remus waved sleepily at him, and James and Sirius swarmed him, eager to see the Muggle treasures he had brought with him. The train began to move, and Remus found himself lulled to sleep immediately by the gentle movement and rhythmic sounds of the journey; he felt himself slipping away quietly. 

  


"Remus! Oy, Remus!" Sirius was shouting again. Sirius was always shouting. Couldn't make him shut up, not for all the gold in the world. Cautiously, Remus opened one eye to peek at his friend.

  


"Yes, Sirius?" Remus' voice was calm as always - he prided himself on being very even-tempered, no matter what time of the month it was. It got more difficult to keep his temper the nearer the moon was to being full; when the moon was new, Remus was almost as calm and controlled as he always pretended to be. When the moon was near to being full, however, he sometimes had difficulty not ripping people's heads off- figuratively speaking, of course!

  


"Ah, right. Couldn't tell if maybe you hadn't died over here. That would be very regrettable, you know, so I thought I'd just come check on you." 

  


"That's kind of you." Remus replied blearily; why was it that his sarcasm woke up before the rest of him? 

  


"Not at all, mate! Are you all right, though? You look awful, quite honestly, and you're doing your whole 'walking dead' thing- 'cept you're not walking, you're sleeping. The Sleeping Dead, that's you- only you're not dead, either. Hmm. Oh well- the question stands, regardless."

  


"Merlin, Sirius, I'm just tired." Remus couldn't wake himself enough to answer any more thoroughly than that.

  


"All right, then, you can go ahead and nap, as long as you promise you're not going to cross the line from Sleeping Living to Sleeping Dead while I'm not paying attention." Sirius was very amused with himself.

  


"Right." Remus yawned, and was asleep again before Sirius had a chance to respond. 

  


When the Hogwarts Express finally pulled into the station, Remus was the first one to stir. Yawning and stretching, he looked around to see that the three other occupants of the compartment were asleep, sprawled comfortably on the seats, and in Peter's case, the floor. Remus smiled, and woke the others, asking "Would you all like to stay here until the train returns to London, then?" They all awoke quickly, and made their way off the train.

  


There was no feast that night, but the food was delicious anyway, no different from any other meal prepared by the Hogwarts House Elves. The four returned to Gryffindor Tower that night quite full, and feeling immensely satisfied. Remus glanced up at the ceiling on his way out of the Great Hall, staring at the waning moon with satisfaction. He wouldn't be transforming for several weeks, long enough to be able to push the thought to the back of his mind for a while. For all that he had been wishing he could stay home, Remus was glad to be back at Hogwarts.

  


The next morning, though, he wasn't so happy. They had Defence Against the Dark Arts first thing after breakfast; James and Sirius were happily occupied plotting mayhem and chaos, with Peter's full support, but Remus was worried about class. They had been working through Dark Creatures faster than even Professor Muerno had anticipated, and Remus knew the lesson on werewolves couldn't be far ahead in the curriculum.

  


Unfortunately for him, he turned out to be exactly right. The four Gryffindor boys hadn't been seated for more than a minute when Professor Muerno swept into the room. He stood in silence behind the desk, glaring at the class until all noise ceased before speaking.

  


"Werewolves." His voice was icy cold, and Remus felt his heart sink. In the seat ahead of him, Lily Evans shuddered, which did not help matters. Sirius sat up straight, looking interested; James scowled a bit, and Peter reacted in shock. Peter was always shocked when Muerno introduced a new magical creature; apparently, having been raised Muggle-fashion, Peter hadn't believed in any of the magical creatures he was now learning about, and was constantly surprised to find that the creatures of fairytales did indeed exist. Remus struggled to keep his facial expression neutral; knowing what was surely ahead, however, it was very difficult not to just get up and run from the room.

  


Muerno began his lecture. Its main focus was on how very evil werewolves were; he told the class that werewolves were highly dangerous in either of their forms, always out to bite or kill humans. His bias was clear, as he made no effort to give the werewolves' side of the issue, but his facts were, for the most part, correct. He mistakenly stated that the bite of a werewolf would carry the curse of lycanthropy no matter what the form of the werewolf was at the time. That, Remus knew, was not true- he had accidently bitten his mother once, in human form, and she had suffered no ill effects. And of course, Muerno mentioned that werewolves were color blind; Remus had difficulty not laughing at that one.

  


All in all, the lesson was not proceeding too badly, Remus thought, until Muerno reached the section on recognising and killing werewolves. At that point, Remus felt he would be ill. Muerno was giving his friends all the information they would ever need to figure out his secret; by the end of the lesson, surely, they would know what he was, and then it would all be over. Muerno's cold recitations of the proper and preferred methods of "extermination" made Remus feel physically ill. He could see Lily, clearly quite frightened, taking notes; Remus shifted in his seat a bit to glance surreptitiously at James and Sirius. To his astonishment and relief, they were paying no attention whatsoever to the lesson! Instead, they had their heads together, obviously working on their plot to wreck havoc later. Remus was greatly relieved, and turned his attention back to Muerno, hoping he would finish soon. Shouldn't class have been over by now? This one lesson seemed to be taking years to get through. 

  


When Muerno finally finished his lecture, he looked around the classroom, asking if there were any questions. After a moment, the girl sitting next to Lily raised her hand hesitantly.

  


"Yes, Miss Andrews?"

  


"Um, I was wondering, Professor- my parents taught me that werewolves- and vampires and giants too- were people, not monsters. They said those three species have human intelligence and, in most cases, human feelings, so they should be classified as people. Do you disagree with this?" Remus looked at the girl with some surprise. He had never heard anyone other than his parents or Dumbledore express this view.

  


"Yes, I do indeed disagree." Muerno replied, his voice cold. "Werewolves, vampires and giants are all dangerous; they cannot control themselves, and pose such a danger to humans that they cannot be called anything but monsters."

  


"That's not true." Remus was utterly shocked to find himself speaking; he had fully intended to keep his mouth shut through the entire lesson. He had certainly not meant to flat out contradict the professor who hated him about the nature of werewolves! _Stupid, stupid Remus, _he berated himself. 

  


"Care to clarify your meaning, Mr. Lupin?" Muerno asked dangerously.

  


"I- I simply meant that it's not quite accurate to say that vampires and werewolves and giants can't control themselves; that is, giants can't so much, but they live far away from humans for that reason. And vampires- if they choose, they can survive without harming humans at all, as can werewolves, and many do. So I don't think it's right to call them monsters, sir; they're people." Remus gulped nervously, disliking the feeling that Muerno was about to rip his head off- hopefully, it would just be figuratively, although he wouldn't put it past the professor to do so literally.

  


"So . . . Miss Andrews and Mr. Lupin disagree with me on the nature of werewolves- lets keep vampires and giants out of the question for the time being, shall we? After the lecture you just heard, you two still persist in believing that werewolves are harmless, innocent _people?_"

  


"N-no sir," Andrews said- Remus wished he could remember her first name, but decided that was of secondary importance at the moment. "I- I just wanted to know what you thought about it, sir." She was clearly terrified of the teacher, but he merely nodded at her. 

  


"Mr. Lupin." Muerno said, glaring at him. "Would you care to retract your opinion as well?" Remus knew that was exactly what he should do; just back off, quit drawing attention to himself in connection with werewolves, and everything would be fine. But it wouldn't be right.

  


"No sir." Remus said quietly. "I've told you what I believe, and that I cannot and will not change." Muerno nodded slowly. The bell signaling the end of classes rang outside the door, and Remus breathed a sigh of relief- finally, the horrible class was over.

  


"Wait!" Muerno commanded, and the entire class froze, then slowly reseated themselves from where they had stood to leave. "We're not finished here, class. I believe we need to get the opinions of everyone in this class on the issue at hand; perhaps that might help to answer any questions Mr. Lupin might have, hmmm?" No-one dared to groan, but they all looked highly frustrated. Muerno pointed at Lily "Miss Evans, might we have your opinion on the issue? Are werewolves people or monsters?" 

  


Lily looked upset, but replied in a small voice, "Monsters, sir."

  


"Very good!" Muerno said cheerfully. "Miss Andrews?"

  


"Monsters, sir." She answered, bu8t she looked uncertain. The questioning proceeded around the room; Remus felt more and more ill as every person questioned pronounced him a monster.

  


"Monsters." James said with a shrug when asked, as though the entire subject was highly boring. Muerno asked Sirius next; Sirius hesitated, obviously torn between his extreme hatred for Muerno and the desire to get out of class as swiftly as possible. 

  


"Monsters." He finally replied, glaring at the teacher; Muerno ignored this, and moved on. When the questioning finished, every student in the class had identified werewolves as monsters. Muerno stepped directly in front of Remus' desk.

  


"Well, Mr. Lupin? You seem to be the only one struggling with this concept. What do you have to say?"

  


Remus struggled. How could he say it? But how could he not? Sirius elbowed him, obviously trying to get him to answer so they could leave. Remus looked up at Muerno, whose icy blue eyes were boring into him. "Monsters, sir." Remus finally said, in little better than a whisper, and dropped his gaze to the desk in front of him. Muerno smiled unpleasantly, and moved back to the front of the classroom.

  


"Very good, Mr. Lupin- but I would like to see two rolls of parchment from you on the subject, due this Friday, just to be certain there is no remaining confusion. You may all leave." The class left quickly, everyone rushing to their next classes, hoping they would not be too late.

  


"Remus, what was that all about?" James demanded angrily as soon as they had left the classroom. They didn't have another class until after lunch, which was very soon now, and so were not in a great hurry. "We had a great prank to pull right after class, remember?"

  


"Yeah!" Sirius agreed. "Why'd you have to hold up class over stupid _werewolves?_ Really, if we had to stay late to discuss something, couldn't it have been something important?"

  


Remus struggled to remain calm. He felt dangerously close to tears, or maybe just to hauling off and punching someone. He looked away from his friends, and tried to think of something to say, without success.

  


"Sorry." He finally managed. "I didn't mean to make everyone stay late. I felt it was important." The other three rolled their eyes.

  


"Well, we'd better go eat lunch." Sirius said after an uncomfortable moment of silence. "If we get there early, maybe we can hex the Slytherins' food or something." James and Peter nodded their agreement, and the three began to walk off; after a moment, they seemingly realised Remus wasn't with them. Turning, they saw that Remus had slid into a sitting position against the wall, feeling utterly miserable. 

  


"Remus, aren't you coming? Is something wrong?" Peter asked.

  


_Oh no, nothing's wrong- my best friends just declared me a monster- and the worst part is, they're right. I was stupid to argue about it- everyone knows werewolves are monsters,_ Remus thought, but he didn't say it aloud, telling them instead, "I'm not hungry." 

  


"C'mon, Rem- we're not mad at you, you know." James told him. "We were just a bit frustrated, that's all."

  


"Really, James," Remus insisted, "I'm not hungry. You guys go." There was no way he was going to be able to eat anything. With a few questioning glances at him, the three began again to make their way to lunch, and Remus sat, his head back against the wall, and tried not to think about Defence class. He was very shocked when someone suddenly sat down next to him.

  


"Hello, Remus." It was Romulus, and for once, he didn't sound angry. "I saw what happened."

  


"Hello, Romulus. I expect you're thrilled about it, then?"

  


"No." Romulus' flat denial took Remus by surprise; he turned his head to look at his older brother. Romulus looked a bit flustered, but continued, "I mean, he was right of course- werewolves are monsters. But I- Merlin, Remus, I wish it didn't have to be like this!" Remus stared at him, mouth open in surprise. Romulus sounded frustrated and helpless, not cold and sarcastic as was normal.

  


"What do you mean?" Remus asked after a moment. 

  


"You think I wanted things to turn out this way, Remus? I wish you were a normal kid as much as you do! And then seeing what happened just now- Remus, you know what's going to happen, don't you?"

  


"What?" Remus asked cautiously.

  


"I know those boys, you know- we in Slytherin make it our business to know everyone. Peter Pettigrew- he's a Muggleborn. He's frightened to death of the big bad monsters. James Potter- you probably didn't know, but the Potters had a close relative killed by a werewolf just about a year ago. Sirius Black- the Blacks are about as anti-werewolf as it's possible to be. They hate half-breeds, you know that." Romulus sighed. "You four- everyone knows about you. Thick as thieves, best friends- you're so full of yourselves, and of each other, but it's not going to last. As soon as they find out about you, and you know they will- they'll abandon you, Remus."

  


"I know." Remus' voice was quiet and broken, not more than a whisper. He knew all of this- it was his greatest fear, but to have it expressed aloud made it worse.

  


"I may never have been much of a brother to you, and it's a bit late to start now, but I wanted to warn you. Just back off from them, Remus- leave them now, before they leave you, or you're going to get hurt." With that, Romulus stood, looked down at Remus sadly for a moment before walking away. Remus stared after his brother in confusion. He hadn't had a decent conversation with Romulus since he had been bitten.

  


Remus was unusually subdued the rest of the day; after dinner, he quickly completed his homework and went to bed. He was still physically exhausted from the last transformation, and the day had been very tiring, so he had no problem falling asleep swiftly. 

  


_"Remus, we know." Sirius' voice, cold and hard like Muerno's, his face appearing before Remus in the midst of a haze, set in a furious mask._

  


_ "You're a werewolf!" Peter, terrified and angry, eyes narrowed._

  


_ "You're a monster." James' voice was calm, but the contempt in it cut Remus to the heart._

  


_ "We trusted you, and you lied to us."_

  


_ "You don't belong here."_

  


_ "Get out."_

  


_ Remus tried to reply. "Wait! I'm sorry- I didn't want to lie to you!" They didn't respond, seemed not to hear him at all. Their faces spun around him, all angry and full of hatred, and Remus knew that it was over._

  


Remus awoke with a start, sitting upright in bed. He looked around quickly, but all of his friends were sleeping soundly, Peter's snores the only sound in the room. Calming himself, Remus lay back, wiping his eyes quickly. Romulus had been right- that was exactly what was going to happen, and Remus couldn't do a thing to stop it, except hide and lie as best he could. When it came down to it, though, the fact was that he was going to lose his friends the moment they discovered the truth about him. Remus spent the rest of the night sleepless. 


	9. Direidi

_Author's Note: Hello, all! Sorry this has taken so long to update, but school's been insanely busy, and I just haven't had time to write. I can't make predictions about when the next chapter will be out, but I'll endeavor to make it faster this time! Welsh Word of the Day- Direidi means Mischief, an eminently useful word! I have tried to make this chapter a bit lighter, as I know I'm a mean, mean author who can't help doing mean things to the main characters, much as I love them. Thank you all so much for your reviews! I'm blessed to have such wonderful readers, and I think you're all fantastic. For you to take the time to review my work always makes my day, and I'm so grateful to you for it! A few answers to questions posed in reviews- _

_EloraCooper4- Ms. Andrews is purely my own invention, and will probably show up again later, though I have no specific plans for her right now._

_Kady Rilla Wholi- As far as Muerno goes, I don't think Dumbledore could do much about him, even if someone were to report his behavior. He is, after all, teaching exactly what the textbook says. *grrrr* Ahem- and as far as the timeline of events goes, I've got it all worked out, but thanks! _

_NightSpear- yes, more angst to come, though I hope to not make it too angsty. I've already changes some of my original plans because I just couldn't bear to do what I planned to the poor darlings._

_Purplebubble- As far as Romulus goes- I'm going to leave that question open for now. You'll all be able to make your own decisions about whether he's good or bad later._

  


_Again, thanks so much to every one of you who reviewed! You guys are the best! _

  
  


Chapter 9 : Direidi

  


Sirius was worried. This was not a normal state of mind for him; Sirius generally lived to have fun, and having fun meant not worrying about anything. Right now, though, Sirius was quite worried, and he most definitely was not having fun. If asked what was concerning him, Sirius could have answered in a single word- Remus.

  


Ever since that stupid Defence Against the Dark Arts class three days before, Remus had been acting weird, beginning with contradicting the teacher- who would ever have thought it of _Remus_? And ever since that class, he had barely spoken to any of the others. Remus tended to be very quiet, as a general fact, but never before to this extent. He had done his homework the night before in silence, and had disappeared off to bed before anyone realised he had left. In the morning, the other boys had woken to find that Remus was already up and about- in the Common Room, actually. He was sitting in a huge armchair in front of the fire, swallowed up in its depths, looking very small when they found him. 

  


He had kept very much to himself the next few days, speaking very little and smiling even less. All that day, James, Sirius and Peter had been unable to get more than a few words out of Remus, and immediately after classes, he excused himself, telling them he needed to go to the Library. He hadn't been acting unpleasant, just highly reserved. Sirius couldn't say he understood it at all, but it was bothering him. He was well aware that Remus had problems of some sort that he kept to himself, but this was another matter entirely. 

  


"What d'you think is going on with Remus?" Sirius asked James and Peter over dinner that night in the Great Hall. They both looked at him, their faces showing no more understanding than his.

  


"I haven't a clue." James said, shrugging. 

  


"Maybe he's still upset about Defence the other day?" Peter suggested, filling his plate quite full.

  


"Yeah, but why would that be upsetting him that badly?" James asked logically. "I mean, it was just a stupid class, and it's not like he even got detention or anything."

  


"You don't think he's mad at us, do you? For not supporting him in class?" Peter asked.

  


"Remus? I don't think so- Remus is never mad at anybody!" Sirius said, laughing at the idea.

  


"Besides," James put in, "Remus certainly wouldn't get mad over something that little. He was just being stubborn about the whole question to make Muerno angry, I'm sure." That didn't sound very Remus-like to Sirius, but he couldn't think of any other reason for his friend to have contradicted Muerno to his face like that. It wasn't uncommon for Remus to point out that Muerno was wrong about something, but he only mentioned it to the other three boys, never in front of the professor! And, of course, Remus was always right when he corrected the teacher.

  


By the time dinner was over, Remus still hadn't appeared. It was very unlike Remus to miss meals, so Sirius decided the situation was worse than he had thought. Deciding that enough was enough, he headed for the Library- another abnormal occurrence for Sirius Black, who normally held that libraries were far too quiet to be any fun. He had spent so little time in the Library that he was honestly surprised to see how huge it really was; the shelves of books rose above his head in every direction, like trees in a forest. Sirius shook his head and began to wander aimlessly, searching for Remus. It took about half an hour of wandering to locate the little table where Remus was sitting and working.

  


"Hey." Sirius said, careful to keep his voice low. Rumour had it that the librarian would magically mute noisy children, and if you made too much noise in the Library, you would leave unable to speak for a week. Sirius didn't think he could handle that.

  


Remus looked up, startled, as Sirius spoke. He seemed to be finishing up a lengthy essay, and looked very tired. "Sirius, what're you doing here?" Remus had no problem speaking quietly, as that seemed to be his normal volume. 

"Came to look for you." Sirius said offhandedly. "You missed dinner."

  


"Oh. I didn't realise it was so late." 

  


Sirius sat down at the little table across from Remus. "What've you been working on?" 

  


"Homework. The essay that Professor Muerno assigned me, specifically." Remus scrunched his nose in distaste, carefully rolling up his completed assignment. Sirius looked at the table, now completely bare.

  


"You did the assignment without any books?" Sirius was, to be honest, slightly jealous of Remus' talent at Defence Against the Dark Arts. Remus always knew the answers, and frequently managed to do the homework for the class without consulting a textbook, whereas even James and Sirius had to use the book. Remus just shrugged, not looking at Sirius. 

  


"I guess I'll be going then." Remus said, grabbing his bookbag and standing to leave. 

  


"No!' Sirius said, forgetting to keep his voice down. Fortunately, the librarian seemed to be out of earshot. Lowering his voice, Sirius said, "Remus, what is going on with you? You've been all _weird_ the past few days."

  


Remus looked lost. "I, um, I- I've just wanted to be alone, that's all."

  


"No it isn't." Sirius contradicted him. "You hate being alone. And besides, you haven't been by yourself most of the time, you've been with us, just not talking. What's up?" Remus sat down, but didn't say anything. He just looked at the tabletop, still holding the straps of his bookbag tightly. 

  


"You're not mad at us, are you?" Sirius asked, wondering if Peter had been right. Remus' head shot up, and he shook his head furiously.

  


"No! Not at all!"

  


"Good." Sirius said firmly. "So now, if you aren't going to tell me what's wrong, will you at least come back and hang out with us?" Remus seemed to be struggling; why, Sirius didn't know, but indecision was written all over his friend's face. Finally, his face cleared and he smiled, for the first time in days.

  


"Yeah." They both stood and walked out of the Library in a companionable silence. When they were safely out, Sirius flung an arm around Remus' shoulders. 

  


"I'm thinking it's about time for some mischief making and roguery, Remus. Wouldn't you agree?"

  


"Hmmm." Remus said soberly, a glint of rascality in his eyes. "Yes, I do believe you're right, Sirius. Shall we consult with James and Peter on this matter?" 

  


"Why yes! Yes, so we should, my friend! To Gryffindor Tower!" Remus just smiled happily. When the two burst through the portrait hole, they beckoned to James and Peter before dashing upstairs to their dormitory. James and Peter followed quickly; when they entered the room, both looked curiously at Sirius as if to ask what had happened with Remus. Sirius ignored them.

  


"Gentlemen, Mr. Lupin and I have agreed that it is high time for some chaos and mischief. What say you?" Sirius had jumped onto his bed and now asked this solemnly, standing high above the others.

  


"Yes!" James shouted, grinning madly.

  


"Sounds good!" Peter agreed, not quite as enthusiastically. Sirius collapsed into a sitting position on his bed, where he was joined by the three others, all piling on madly. 

  


"So what will it be, Mr. Black?" James asked, still grinning. "A prank to play on the Slytherins? Exploding Dungbombs in the Potions dungeon?"

  


"All in good time, Mr. Potter." Sirius took on a somber expression. "Tonight, I propose we explore the castle. Really explore, I mean. I hear there are many secret passageways, and I for one would like to know about them!" This plan met with approval all around, and the four waited impatiently for the rest of the school to go to bed so that they would have the castle free to explore. 

  


Finally, they deemed it late enough to risk leaving the tower, and they snuck out silently. Or not so silently, in some cases; Peter was awfully loud. He somehow managed to trip three times within the first two minutes of sneaking; he sneezed repeatedly, and even his breathing sounded loud. James and Sirius were quite practiced in sneaking around; they had spent most of their early childhood engaging in mischief together, which had taught them very early the value of silence. Even they, however, could not match Remus' ability to move noiselessly. He was also able to make himself very hard to see, almost disappearing into the shadows, until even when Sirius knew where Remus must be, he couldn't make him out. A bit creepy, really.

  


They hadn't been out for more than a few minutes when Remus suddenly grabbed at Sirius' sleeve, then caught hold of Peter and James as well. 

"What're you-" James hissed, but Remus shook his head violently, dragging them all back into the shadows. He motioned for them all to remain still, shrinking into the darkness with the others. A moment later, from around the corner, a cat's head appeared, it's eyes gleaming in the darkness. It moved slowly with feline grace, approaching the boys' hiding place. Sirius knew that this must be Filch's cat; all of the first years had heard about Filch and his cat, but Sirius had never encountered either of them. According to the rumours, where the cat was, Filch followed soon after; they were in deep trouble now. Suddenly, Remus moved forward a step, moving into the moonlight that streamed through a high window above them, illuminating most of the hallway. The cat froze as he came into clear sight, the fur on the back of its neck standing up wildly. It hissed at Remus, who did not move. After a second, the cat turned tail and ran swiftly back in the direction it had come from. 

  


"Come on!" Remus urged in a whisper. "We have to go now, before Filch gets here!"

  


The four took off at top speed, still trying to be quiet. At Remus' direction, they all ducked into an empty classroom and tried to make themselves invisible. 

  


After a few minutes where nothing happened, the boys relaxed, no longer feeling they were likely to be caught at any minute. They crept slowly from the room, anxious to return to their interrupted exploration. Hogwarts seemed so much more mysterious by moonlight, Sirius thought. It also seemed much larger; they explored for three hours and yet seemed to have covered very little ground. When they finally stumbled back to their beds, they were all exhausted, but grinning. It had been great fun, reflected Sirius, just before falling sound asleep.

  


That night was only the first of many nights of secret wanderings. Sirius had thought life at Hogwarts was fun before they began their hidden adventures, but now, it was better than ever! The friendship of the four, already strong, grew with each narrow escape. It became a common sight in the Gryffindor Common Room to see the four first year boys asleep in the middle of the afternoon; Peter usually fast asleep on top of his homework at the table, James and Sirius sprawled comfortably over various pieces of furniture, and Remus curled in a little ball in a large armchair in front of the fireplace. The older boys grinned knowingly; the older girls reckoned they looked "sweet," and would coo over them when they woke, sleepy and disheveled. 

  


Their adventures did not stop with midnight wanderings, though. It was indeed a rare day when the four could not be seen with their heads together, plotting some new prank. When the school woke to find the Great Hall decked out entirely in Gryffindor colours, with the lion rampant proudly displayed on every banner, everyone knew who must be responsible. There was, in fact, a suspicious lack of evidence pointing to the Gryffindor boys, and their faces were far more innocent than they had any right to be; highly suspicious. Slytherin students were often the targets of some of the more creative pranks, none of which could ever be traced to anyone. That didn't stop the Slytherins from blaming the Gryffindor first years, though, and retaliation was often swift and sharp. It was unlikely that anyone would ever forget the morning that the infamous four walked into the Great Hall completely bald, having had their hair cursed off. They had taken it well though, waving cheerily at the Slytherin table; they seemed to view it as a competition between the houses, and if anyone could not be a gracious loser, they had no business being involved in the first place!

  


It was incredible how time seemed to multiply, though. There was somehow enough time for all of the mischief making and pranking, but there was also plenty of time for attending classes and doing homework. They were learning new spells at an incredible rates; in fact, the four were learning magic much faster than their classmates, because the amount of research they did on spells to aid their pranks taught them about as much as they learned in classes; even Peter was doing better in his classes as a result of the extra practice, though of course, he didn't think of it as such. Remus was far more concerned about his homework than the others were, and he took to spending free afternoons in the Library, the one place he could work without the risk of James and Sirius blowing things up around him as he tried to work. 

  


They also made sure to spend plenty of afternoons visiting Hagrid. His cooking might be frankly dangerous, but he was good company, and the boys enjoyed spending time with him whenever they could. Hagrid was full of stories about the Forbidden Forest, if you could get him to share them with you. Sirius' eyes sparkled; he determined that they would have to begin exploring the Forest as soon as possible. Peter shivered at the thought when Sirius told the others this; Peter was not fond of the monsters that he was sure lived in the Forest.

  


"Don't worry, Pete." Remus said, smiling wryly. "If anything tries to eat you, I'll scare it off. I am awfully frightening, you know." There was a roar of laughter at this; Remus was by far the smallest of the four, and didn't look capable of hurting a fly. He grinned back at them. Peter looked a bit abashed at having been frightened, but they all told him not to worry about it.

  


"We're far scarier than anything in there!" James boasted.

  


"Right!" Peter said, doing his very best to appear brave, and making admirable progress. 

  


But the greatest night by far was at the very beginning of February. "February the First: A Day That Shall Live In Memory," as Sirius put it. Said Day began inauspiciously; when they awoke that morning, the dormitory was unusually cold, and only a thick fog could be seen out the window. James, Sirius and Peter got themselves ready slowly, with a great deal of complaining. Remus wasn't with them, though; he had gotten very ill (again! Sirius thought) two days ago and had to go to the Hospital Wing. He hadn't come back yet, and though the other three had tried to visit multiple times, Madam Pomfrey wouldn't allow them in.

  


"Remus is very ill, and needs his rest. He cannot be bothered right now." She told them every time they tried to visit. This morning, they were determined that they were going to see him, if they had to blow up half of Hogwarts to accomplish it. The three made their way to the Hospital Wing again, where the nurse finally allowed them to visit, with stern warnings to behave themselves.

  


"Hey, Remus!" Sirius grinned as they reached Remus' bed. He was in the stupid Infirmary so much that they knew by now exactly where he would be; always in the last bed down, surrounded by tall white curtains. Sirius' grin faded a bit as he saw how truly rotten Remus looked. He never looked good when he got sick like this, and this time was worse than many. He was very pale, and still lying down, looking very tired.

  


"Hey guys." Remus said softly, his voice painfully hoarse.

  


"What have you got this time?" James asked?

  


Remus attempted to shrug, but it was obviously an effort for him. "I don't remember. Something with a long and complicated name. Madam Pomfrey says I ought to be able to leave the Infirmary now." Sirius thought that sounded like a very bad idea, considering the condition his friend was still in, but he couldn't say so, not when Remus looked so hopeful, his eyes wide. Remus hated the Hospital Wing and was always eager to leave it quickly; he quite liked the matron, and she was quite obviously fond of him, but he spent enough time in the bloody place for Sirius to feel quite sympathetic to his desire to leave.

  


The nurse bustled over to Remus' bedside, shooing the healthy boys out of her way. She examined Remus briefly, and sighed softly, shaking her head. 

"Remus, I'm not sure..." She didn't finish the sentence though, as Remus had looked at her with huge, sad-looking eyes, his face falling until he looked quite miserable and about four years old. Madam Pomfrey looked at him for a minute before giving in. "Oh, very well. You may leave, as long as you promise to take good care of yourself for then next few days." Remus brightened, smiling sweetly at her. "Remus Lupin, what am I going to do with you?" To Sirius' surprise, the normally brisk and businesslike nurse reached out and hugged Remus quickly, then moved away, ruffling his hair lightly. 

With his friends' assistance, Remus had all of his belongings gathered and was ready to leave within a few minutes, and the four walked out of the Infirmary together, Remus somewhat unsteadily but very pleased to be leaving. They stopped by Gryffindor Tower to drop off all of Remus' things before heading down for breakfast. They ate quickly, not wanting to be late for class, but they needn't have worried, as they made it in plenty of time. Classes went well that day, if somewhat uneventful- at least by Sirius' standards. He surreptitiously kept an eye on Remus, anxious to see if his friend was still unwell; Remus seemed very tired, his head drooping, his quill moving slowly, but other than that he seemed well enough. By the time classes were over, in fact, he appeared much more healthy than he had that morning.

  


That night, the four snuck out of the dorms as usual, ready to explore. They were planning to explore the third floor tonight; they had begun their explorations on the seventh floor, where the entrance to the Gryffindor common room was located, and had worked their way down from there. Now they set out, passing the Trophy Room (James and Sirius both eager to avoid that room, as they had received multiple detentions there already) and the Armor gallery, walking directly past the Charms corridor and continuing on beyond it until they found where they had been forced to cease their exploration the last time. They were looking for anything "cool," as James put it, but especially for hidden passageways. Sirius was obsessed with finding them, and had convinced the others that they would like to help him look for them. So as they walked slowly down the corridor, each of them was intent on finding anything that looked like it might be hiding a secret passageway; they found nothing in the first hour of searching, but after that, Remus made a discovery.

  


"Guys, look." He said very quietly, and they all joined him where he was standing, in front of a statue of a very ugly witch with a hunchback. "Judging by the size and position of this thing, I think it's quite possible that this might be an entrance to a tunnel. I don't know how we'd go about opening it, though."

  


Sirius agreed that it was quite possible for this statue to be the entrance they had been searching for. Deciding it couldn't possibly do any hard, he pulled out his wand and began trying spells to open a passageway.

  


"Diffindo!" Nothing happened; Sirius tried again. "Alohomora!" Again, nothing happened. "Wingardium Leviosa!" He was becoming frustrated, but tried again. "Dissendium!" To everyone's shock, it actually worked, revealing a passageway that led down into the dark. Without a moment's hesitation, the four boys climbed into the opening, on their way to explore their new discovery. 

They weren't quite so thrilled when, a great deal of time later, they still had found nothing of interest. The tunnel just continued on, apparently leading to nowhere, and Sirius could tell that Remus was beginning to fall behind, his exhaustion catching up to him. Sirius was about to suggest that they turn around and return some other time, when James nudged him in the ribs and pointed ahead to a set of stairs. Ascending them in (near) silence, the boys found a trapdoor above their heads; when this was raised, they could not help but gasp in wonder. They were, it seemed, in the basement of a sweet shop!

  


"I know where we are!" Sirius said in tones of awe. "This is- we're in Honeydukes! The passageway took us all the way to _Hogsmeade_!" The four boys broke into wide grins, and Sirius began to move out of the trapdoor, into the basement proper. 

  


"Sirius! What're you doing?" James hissed, grabbing the back of Sirius' robes.

  


"Getting sweets, of course!" Sirius said.

  


"No way!" James told him in tones of great reproach. "Don't even think about it! Stealing candy, really Sirius, there's no need to stoop to that. We'll just come back some time when the shop will be open and buy some then!" Sirius, to his credit, looked abashed and nodded, moving back down the stairs below the trapdoor. 

  


It took a very long time to return to Hogwarts; when they finally made it back to their dorm, they all collapsed into their beds without a single word, and were asleep in moments.

  


"Thank goodness it's Saturday tomorrow!" Sirius thought as he fell asleep. The four slept very late the next morning, and when they awoke, they found it time for lunch, after which they all attempted, at Remus' prodding, to do their homework. It was no use, of course; an hour's work saw them all fast asleep in their usual positions in the Gryffindor Common room, homework still undone in piles beside them. 

  


The next week saw a discovery almost as wonderful as the Honeydukes passageway; they boys discovered the secret entrance to the kitchens, thanks to Peter's incessant appetite and Remus' keep sense of smell. That location, as well as the secret passageway, would be their secrets to keep, just the four of them. 

So it was that January and the first half of February flew by, in a rush of mischief and excitement. The morning of February 15th, Sirius woke with a grin on his face, the first one to wake up. Quickly, he climbed out of his bed and jumped onto James', bouncing wildly and shouting.

  


"Wake up, James!" Unsurprisingly, James woke with a start and sat up.

  


"Sirius! What is wrong with you? Cut it out!" Sirius stopped bouncing and hopped off the bed, where he stood grinning at James. Somehow, Remus and Peter had managed to sleep through the noise; sleeping soundly was a good survival trait to have when you room with Sirius Black. James glared at Sirius for a minute before giving it up and putting his glasses on and getting up.

  


"Happy Birthday, Sirius." James said, clapping a hand on Sirius' shoulder as he passed. 

  


"The best day of the year!" Sirius announced, grinning broadly.

  


"Yes, how does it feel to finally be twelve?" James asked, a wicked grin appearing on his face. "Of course, I ought to remember, as I turned twelve over two months ago!" It was a sore point with Sirius that James was older than he was, and he glared at James for this comment. James went on, oblivious to the murderous looks; "It's _so_ nice that you aren't a little eleven year old any more, isn't it? Yes, my dear boy, you have joined the ranks of the mature!" He was cut off by Sirius pouncing on him, and a few minutes of pointless violence in the form of mock-scuffling occurred, leaving both boys disheveled and laughing at the end.

  


"Hey, we ought to wake Pete and Remus up!" Sirius said suddenly, realising that it was Friday, and that birthday or no, they still had classes to attend. Which kinda stunk- it was his birthday, after all. They ought to have given him the day off school, really!

  


"You do it then, as you're so eager to wake people up this morning!" James said. Sirius shrugged, and went over to Peter's bed. Peter was rather hard to wake, as always, and Sirius ended up rolling him out of bed, onto the floor, to get him to awaken. Remus was loads easier; while he was able to sleep through any amounts of noise created by his roommates that did not involve him, he would wake quickly at the sound of his own name. Sirius settled for throwing a pillow at him and yelling.

  


"Oy, Remus! Wake up!" Remus sat up, looking sleepy and slightly bewildered at how a pillow had ended up on his face. It all became clear, though, as soon as he saw Sirius standing there grinning like a madman. Peter grunted unintelligibly and headed off for the bathroom; Remus sat in bed, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

  


"Thanks for the wake-up." Remus said sarcastically. "I do so love to be woken by the feeling of pillows hitting my face." Sirius just grinned harder.

  


"Welcome, Remy!" He said brightly, knowing the use of the nickname would annoy Remus.

  


"It's not 'Remy,' Sirius, it's 'Remus.' I'm not four years old anymore!" Remus glared at him lightly as he got up and began to follow Peter out of the room. "On that subject though," he said just before exiting, "Happy Birthday, Sirius!"

  


"Did you tell him it was my birthday?" Sirius demanded, turning to face James. "You knew I wanted to keep it a surprise!" 

  


"I don't know why on Earth you care if your birthday's a surprise or not." James said, looking a bit bored. "But I certainly did not tell him! I wouldn't do that, not when you asked me not to." 

  


"I suppose he must just have heard us talking before." Sirius said doubtfully, knowing full well that Remus was never aware of anything that happened before he awoke, and he was sure that his friend had been soundly asleep. He put the matter aside, though, and forgot about it as the day went on. Sirius and James had been planning today for weeks. Sirius insisted that it was his right, as the Birthday Boy, to pull off the most outlandish pranks, and that the others were going to help him. The day was a long, uninterrupted stream of explosions, strange hair colours, very frightening food and Slytherins screaming with rage. Sirius had never had such a wonderful birthday in his life, now that he didn't have to spend it at home with him awful family. He recieved a short, brisk letter from his parents wishing him a "pleasant day" (he doubted they meant it), and enclosing a set of magical bookmarks- all charmed to show Slytherin's House colours and symbol. Sirius glared at these before setting them aside, vowing to change them to Gryffindor before the day was over. He also received a card and gift from the Potters, which gratified him, if not surprising him- he had spent much of his time on birthdays at their home rather than his own. What surprised him was the card and gift from the Lupins. He had no idea how they had known it was his birthday, and was rather shocked that they had thought to send him something when they only knew him from a few days' visit!

  


That evening in the Gryffindor Common Room, they had a party for Sirius, complete with tons of Butterbeer and sweets from Hogsmeade, as Remus had made a trip there earlier in the day to stock up for the celebration. It was a loud, noisy event as all of Gryffindor seemed to be participating, even if they barely knew Sirius- after all, they weren't about to pass up free food! All of his friends gave him presents- with the exception of Peter, who apologised profusely, but hadn't had any time to prepare anything because he hadn't known before hand that it was Sirius' birthday. 

  


Several hours into the celebration, which looked as though it might very well run past midnight, Sirius realised he couldn't find Remus anywhere. Knowing that his friend had a dislike of large crowds, Sirius began to look in the quiet places, but couldn't seem to find Remus anywhere. No-one had seen him for a while. Sirius decided to check the dormitory, figuring that would be a logical place to escape the crowd.

  


When he opened the door to their dorm, Sirius was taken aback by how cold it was. This was due to the fact that the window was hanging completely open, letting in the cold air and drifting snowflakes. There was no sign of Remus, and Sirius moved to shut the window, when he caught sight of what looked like a pair of shoes, attached to feet on the end of a set of legs, visible out the window. There was no _way _Remus was sitting on the roof, was there? Sirius looked out the window, turning so he was facing up, and sure enough, Remus was perched on the edge of the roof, unmoving. Throwing on his heavy cloak, Sirius climbed into the window, trying to ignore the long drop to the ground beneath him, and tried to make out how Remus had managed to climb onto the roof. It really wasn't difficult, once you saw how it was done, and within a few moments, Sirius was most of the way onto the roof; then he got stuck in an awkward position and let out a small squeak. Remus finally noticed him, and with a yelp of dismay, jumped to his feet and agilely ran to help Sirius before he fell. As soon as Sirius was safely seated on the sloping roof, Remus stood towering above him (the only time he was every anything like taller than his friend), his arms crossed, glaring at him.

  


"What did you think you were doing?" Remus asked calmly. "Climbing onto the roof? Were you trying to get yourself killed?" 

  


"Of course not!" Sirius retorted, trying not to laugh as he was scolded by his little friend who acted like an adult. "I cam up to see what you were doing! And besides, how can you be yelling at me about it when you yourself were up here first?"

  


Remus coloured a bit, and sat down next to Sirius, dwarfed by his friend once again. "It's different for me, Sirius, I know what I'm doing. And I'm better at balancing than you are; you really are a bit clumsy, you know."

  


Sirius shrugged this off- it was true, he knew- and went back to important matter. "Remus, what are you doing on the roof in the middle of February?" For answer, Remus shrugged lightly, and then dangling his legs over the edge of the roof again, lay back against the sloping surface beneath him, looking up at the sky. Sirius wanted to grab him and pull him far away from the edge of the roof, but knew he was likely to end up knocking them both off if he tried. It was disturbing, though, how unafraid of the danger Remus was, unconcernedly swinging his legs as they hung hundreds of feet above the ground. 

  


To distract himself from Remus' danger, Sirius, who was as far from the edge of the roof as he could get, looked up, trying to see what had so fascinated Remus. It was a beautiful, clear night; the stars were highly visible, and there was only a tiny sliver of the moon hanging above them. There were a few wisps of clouds, and from them was lightly falling a small sprinkling of snow. When you looked straight up, the snowflakes catching the light almost looked like stars, falling to earth, twinkling and shimmering their last before disappearing into darkness. Sirius stared up, lost in the beauty of it for a few minutes, before shaking himself back to reality.

  


"Remus." Sirius said; his friend tore his gaze from the heavens to look at him. "I know it's beautiful out here, but why aren't you inside?" 

  


"I was, for a long time, Sirius. But it's very loud and hot in there, and there are so many people- I just wanted to be alone for a while, somewhere nice and quiet where I could think." It was exactly what Sirius expected to hear, so he nodded his understanding, and silence fell once again. Sirius thought of nothing in particular, allowing his mind to wander, easy to do in the peace. He thought of something he wanted to ask after a few minutes.

  


"Hey Remus, when's your birthday?" Remus didn't reply. His face, which had been very peaceful, became closed and a bit worried. Sirius repeated the question, not sure if Remus had heard him. After a minute, Remus replied, too softy for Sirius to hear. "How's that again?" Sirius asked.

  


"Today." Remus said with a small sigh, his face still turned to the sky.

  


"What? Today? And you didn't say anything? Remus, you should have told us! We could have celebrated your birthday at the same time as mine!" Another thought struck him. "Remus, your parents didn't send you anything this morning. Why wouldn't they have sent you a present on your birthday." Remus' face looked quite tense now, but his voice was as calm as ever.

  


"For the same reason I didn't tell you it was my birthday. I don't celebrate my birthday, and they know that. That's all there is to it." 

  


"Don't celebrate your birthday?" Sirius looked at Remus as if he were nuts. "Why not?"

  


Remus, apparently realising that if he didn't answer Sirius' questions he would get no peace, responded quietly. "Something bad happened to me on my birthday once, and now that's what I associate with today. It's not a happy day for me, all right?" Sirius sat in silence for a minute, trying to think of a response. 

  


"Well, I think it's kinda cool that we have the same birthday, though!" He said, trying hard to be cheerful. "Hey, we could almost be twins, huh?" He was surprised when Remus laughed, quietly and lightly; it was a nice sound.

  


"Not really, Sirius. Twins aren't normally born a year apart." It took Sirius a second to figure out what Remus was saying, and then he gaped at his friend in shock.

  


"You mean you're a whole year younger than me? That'd make you _eleven_ today!" Remus nodded, smiling wryly. Sirius laughed; it seemed very funny. "Eleven. And James and Pete are already twelve, and I just turned twelve. That's funny!"

  


"Glad you think so." Remus said, somewhat sarcastically, still smiling.

  


"Wow" Sirius said, another thought having just struck him. "That means you were ten up 'till today."

  


"Why, yes, Sirius." Remus said, sounding completely serious. "So I was. That's a brilliant deduction you made- I commend you." 

Ignoring Remus' sarcasm, Sirius said, "Dumbledore let you in when you were ten? Why a whole year early?" Remus still lay in the same position, looking quite comfortable, though it was still bothering Sirius.

  


"Several reasons. For one thing, I was ready; having been schooled at home, I was far ahead of where I would have been otherwise, and certainly ready to come here. For another, Dumbledore needed my parents help on this project they're working on, and they couldn't do it with me around. Also, they thought it would be safer for me to be here, because of that danger that they're in as a result of that work." Remus said this all matter-of-factly, but Sirius was sorry he had brought it up; he wouldn't like to have to think so calmly of his parents mortal danger, horrible as they might be. Remus, who had wonderful parents, had to be affected worse by it, but he was so calm and in control that Sirius couldn't tell. 

  


"All right." Sirius said after a moment. "So we won't celebrate your birthday if that's how you want it, but I'm not going to let you spend it on the roof in the snow. Let's go in." Reluctantly, Remus agreed, and they made their way slowly down, Sirius heavily aided by Remus. When they were back in the dorm room, Remus turned to Sirius.

  


"Don't tell them it's my birthday." He said, looking a bit nervous. "I don't want to have to answer questions about it, OK?" Sirius agreed, and the two went downstairs to rejoin the party. 


	10. Dygwyl

Author's Note: Hi everyone! Sorry it's been so long since my last update! I feel awful about it, but school is keeping me impossibly busy, and writing something for which I do not receive a grade often has to be a later priority. I swear I'm not going to stop writing, and to that end, thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews! I love you all, and please continue to review- it makes my day every time, I swear! This chapter is a bit shorter than most of mine, but it is a bridge between years one and two, and I'll be able to get on to the really important stuff soon. Today's chapter title, Dygwyl, simply means Holiday, since that is the focus of this chapter. 

  


Disclaimer: I own nothing, and would never claim to be brilliant enough to create these wonderful characters. Almost everything belongs to JK Rowling and co. I would really appreciate not being sued, as I'm making no money off of this. Thanks. 

  
  


Chapter 10- Dygwyl

  


Winter passed in a rush, and spring came upon Hogwarts. Remus had a hard time believing how very fast the year had gone by when they reached final exams. Peter was the only one of their group who had any difficulty, as James and Sirius seemed able to pass all of their exams with their eyes shut and brains switched off. Remus had a slightly more difficult time, but he compensated for it by studying, and passed all of his tests with flying colours. So it was that they reached the end of the school, and June 20th found them all packing their trunks with mixed feelings. It was nice to have exams over, and they were all looking forward to a holiday, but they had grown so close that the idea of not being together for three whole months was not a pleasant one for any of them.

  


"Don't worry!" Peter said suddenly as they all packed in a rather glum silence. "We'll get together this summer, won't we? You can all come to my house to visit! My mum wouldn't mind, I'm sure!" 

"As long as none of you try to come to my place." Sirius said sullenly- he was not happy about going home. James smiled at Peter.

  


"Sure, Pete! We'll do that." Peter brightened considerably at this; encouragement from James meant the world to him.

  


Remus didn't say anything; he was unsure what he would be doing all summer. Obviously he would be unable to visit around the nights of full moons, but maybe at other times of the month? He knew his parents liked the fact that he had such good friends, and they wanted him to spend time with them, but Remus was unsure whether his parents' jobs would make the situation difficult.

  


The four sat together at the Feast that night, celebrating the end of the term, and, of course, played several very entertaining tricks on the Slytherins throughout the course of the event. After all, what was a feast without a bit of entertainment? They went to bed very full and sleepy, sorry that they couldn't spend their last night of the term engaging in midnight mischief, but far too tired to even consider it.

  


They woke late the next morning, and found it necessary to rush to meet the train on time; thankfully, the Hogwarts house elves took care of their luggage, or they would certainly have been late. As it was, they barely made it onto the train in time, and had to search for a compartment to sit in. There were two older students in the last compartment, where they usually sat, but the two recognised them immediately and vacated the compartment, leaving it free. 

  


The four passed the time much as they always did on the train, with games of Exploding Snap and treats from off the snack cart, and Remus took a nap shortly before they were to arrive at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. The ride seemed very short, as none of the boys were eager to be separated, but all too soon the train was slowing to a halt, and they had to gather their belongings and inspect their clothing, hoping to look enough like Muggles to escape unwanted scrutiny. They filed off of the train, carrying their things, and looking for their parents. Peter's mum was waiting only a few feet away, and he introduced all of his friends to her. 

  


"So nice to meet all of you! Peter's written so much about you, I feel like I know you already! Do come and visit this summer, won't you? Peter can send you an- owl, is it dear?- with the details! You will come, won't you?" The three boys all agreed, and wished Peter a good summer, all promising to write frequently. 

  


"Oh no." Sirius said disconsolately a moment later. "There's my mum." Mrs. Black was advancing toward them, a stern expression on her face, showing no sign of pleasure at seeing her son.

  


"Come along, Sirius. We do not have all day to waste." Mrs. Black told him icily, and turned to leave. James and Remus hastily bade Sirius goodbye, James assuring him that he was welcome to come visit at any time, and Remus promising to ask his parents if Sirius could come stay at some point during the summer. 

  


Remus' parents appeared next, and were introduced to James. Remus was very glad to see them again, as he had missed them quite badly, even though he was having tremendous fun at Hogwarts. They looked tired, and he knew from their letters that they had been kept very busy working with Dumbledore all year; he was just thrilled to see them whole and well. The three left, heading for the Floo network opening, after Remus and James had said goodbye. 

  


It only took a few minutes to get home, and Remus was thrilled to see that everything was the same as it had been at Christmas time. His father took all of Remus' belongings up to his room, and the three sat down to eat dinner. It really was very nice to be home, Remus thought that night as he went to sleep in his own bed. The thought that his parents were just downstairs was a comforting one, and he fell asleep happily.

  


He slept in late the next morning, and awoke in time for a late breakfast with his parents. They were eager to hear absolutely everything about school and his friends and what he had done all year, and he was happy to tell them. It had been the best year of his life, despite the hardships caused by his lycanthropy. His parents were thrilled to hear all of this, and told him how proud they were of him. He had gotten extremely high marks in all of his classes, topping the class in Astronomy and Defence Against the Dark Arts, and coming second or third in all of his other studies, with James and Sirius being the only students who scored higher than he did in any subjects. 

  


"So are there any specific plans for this summer?" Remus asked, rather hoping that they might be traveling or something. His parents looked at each other a bit uncomfortably before answering.

  


"Well, Remus, it's like this." His father began. "Dumbledore suggested we take this summer off from the work we've been doing, and we agreed, so that we have more time to spend with you, but there are several very important jobs we do need to get done anyway. We have several research projects we're working on, and some important tasks for Dumbledore as well. What this all means is that we'll be doing a lot of traveling about, and you may be able to help us with some of our work, just as you used to do." Before going to Hogwarts, Remus had regularly assisted his parents, which he enjoyed. He nodded, glad to have this job back.

  


"Remus, you need to know this." His mother said after a moment, looking rather unhappy. "You know that in our work there is a real danger of being hurt or killed; what we haven't told you yet is that we have been working in direct opposition to a Dark wizard who is on the rise. Not much is known about him, but he is becoming very powerful, and we're doing everything we can to stop him. He, in return, has begun to try to attack us, to stop the work we're doing. It's a dangerous time, Remus, and so this summer, we're going to have to be very careful about where we go and who we talk to. We know you are perfectly safe when you are at Hogwarts, but we're going to have to take extra precautions when you're here with us."

  


"I'm afraid that means you're not going to be able to go visit your friends this summer, Remus." Mr. Lupin told him sadly. "I'm sorry, really I am, but we will not risk your safety." They both looked at Remus anxiously, waiting for a response.

  


"I figured as much." Remus said calmly. "Can I still write to them?" Mr. and Mrs. Lupin looked at each other for a moment.

"Yes, of course you can!" Remus' mother said. "You mean to tell us you knew we were going to have to do this?"

  


"I thought it seemed logical." Remus said with a shrug.

  


"Sometimes you are too smart for your own good, Remus!" Mr. Lupin said, laughing.

  


The summer passed far too slowly for Remus' liking. He sent owls to all of his friends regularly, always excepting full moons of course, and learned to distinguish between their handwriting from a distance, so that he could tell who was writing to him while the owl bearing the message was still several feet away. Peter's writing was small and careful, James' sloppy and Sirius' elegant in a hurried, careless fashion. He learned from the letters that the others were having good summers; Sirius had spent almost all of his time with the Potters, and they had both gone to visit Peter for a week. Remus was glad they were having a nice time. He was having fun with his summer as well- he truly enjoyed helping his parents with their work, and felt he was learning a lot. They had traveled over much of Europe, and seen a great number of fascinating sites.

  


The end of August brought with it another full moon; they had returned to Wales by this time, and Remus had his transformation in the little shed behind the house. The next day, he received an owl from James and Sirius, who were both at the Potters house, telling Remus that they were going shopping in Diagon Alley that day at lunchtime, and asking him to join them. Peter had apparently gone earlier in the summer, but as Remus had not yet gone to buy his supplies, he needed to do so, and knew that going with James and Sirius would be much more fun then going alone. 

  


"Can I please go?" Remus begged. His mother looked at him appraisingly.

  


"Remus, you really ought to stay in bed today. I know you're in no shape to be running around London." Remus looked downcast, and she sighed, relenting. "Oh, all right then. Did the note say where to meet them and when?"

  


"Yes- at noon, inside Flourish and Blotts. Thank you!" And Remus dashed from his bed, somewhat unsteadily, and began to get ready to leave. His mother let him Floo to Diagon Alley by himself, after making him promise to be home by six at the latest, which he did gladly. 

  


At exactly twelve o'clock, Remus entered the bookstore, feeling exhausted. Usually a short walk such as the one he had just taken from The Leaky Cauldron to Flourish and Blotts would not have tired him in the least, but the day after his transformation, it was about all he could handle. He was in pain as well, though he hid it well. He had injured himself badly the night before, and although his parents were skilled with Healing spells, they could not completely heal him from such injuries. So he walked slowly and carefully, and tried not to appear too tired or in pain. 

  


James and Sirius were waiting inside the door, and within seconds, the three were greeting each other exuberantly. It really was a shame that peter couldn't be there, Remus thought, but it was nice to see James and Sirius. They had both grown in the months since he had last seen them; Sirius was still taller than James, and they were both much taller than Remus. He frowned as he realised that he had grown very little, making him appear very small beside his friends. His mother insisted that he would grow, it was only a matter of time, but Remus hated being short. There were things in life he hated more, though, so he didn't usually let it bother him.

  


"Remus! Come on, you have to see this great book James found!" And they were off, looking at every book of hexes and practical jokes the bookstore had in stock. Remus finally had to remind them that they were there to shop for school supplies. They purchased all of the required textbooks, and then moved on to the robe shop. James and Sirius both needed all new robes, having outgrown theirs over the summer. Remus needed new robes because, as he was careful to keep from the others, he tended to destroy his clothes quite a bit while transforming, and several of his old robes were no longer wearable. The kind-faced witch who fitted their robes clucked over him, so small and thin, he really ought to eat more, and wasn't he such a sweet looking boy? Remus tried hard not to roll his eyes.

  


Having purchased robes and books, the boys bought replacement potion supplies, school supplies, and last but not least, plenty of magical jokes and tricks for use at Hogwarts. James and Sirius had to stop at the Quidditch supplies shop to drool over the newest brooms, and look at Quidditch paraphernalia of all types. They stopped for ice cream at Florean Fortescue's, and went in together on a pet rat for Peter, who's birthday coincided with the beginning of the term. Before Remus knew it, it was time for him to be heading home, and he was extremely exhausted. James and Sirius noticed, and relieved him of most of his packages, despite his protests. They saw him to the Leaky Cauldron, helped him Floo all of his belongings back to his house, and then siad goodbye.

  


"I'm glad we finally got to see you, Rem!" Sirius said. "Can you believe we go back to school in only five days?" He looked ecstatic.

  


"Yeah, it's going to be great!" James said happily. "We won't be the littlest ones anymore, and we'll already know all the teachers and how to get everywhere and all of that! It's going to be a good year, I can feel it." 

  


"Right!" Remus said, getting excited at the thought of returning to Hogwarts. "Don't forget, we also know several things that are not common knowledge around the school! That'll work to our advantage as well." He grabbed a handful of Floo Powder, and prepared to go home. "See you on the Hogwarts Express!" And with that, Remus threw the powder into the flames, shouted his address and stepped into the fire.

  


The next five days passed far too slowly for Remus' liking. He packed his trunk three days before he had to leave, and kept having to dig through it to find things he needed. His mother and father both made a point of spending extra time with him, as he wouldn't be seeing them again for a while, which he enjoyed a great deal. He knew he was going to miss them, but hopefully it would be easier to make the transition back to living at Hogwarts this time. One thing that he was very glad of was the fact that the moon would not be full for over three weeks after their arrival at school, which thankfully gave him some time to prepare. It was actually easier to transform at Hogwarts, because the Shrieking Shack was so much larger than the shed he had to use at home. 

  


The morning of September 1st, Remus woke early, and made sure everything was packed. He and his parents left home a bit early, because he was anxious to get to the train with plenty of time to spare. As a result, Remus was the first of the group to get on the train, and he immediately went to the last compartment, saving it for the four. James, Sirius and Peter all came directly there, and the trip back to Hogwarts passed rapidly. The Sorting occurred without any problems, and Gryffindor welcomed six new boys and seven new girls. The Feast was as fantastic as they had come to expect.

  


That night, as he lay in his four-poster by the window, staring at the waning moon, Remus smiled sleepily. As much as he loved his parents, Hogwarts was where he loved to be, for many reasons, but one most importantly; Hogwarts was where his friends were. 


	11. Anweladwy

Chapter 11:Anweladwy 

  


_ Author's Note: Hello everyone! I expect you're all about ready to strangle me now, and I do apologise for the time it took me to update. Blame the lack of a muse, blame the faulty internet connection, blame my classes, and above all, blame the fact that I seem to have gotten myself a life. Let me just say, though, that you can thank those who reviewed and reminded me that I had a commitment to this story; I will not be abandoning this project, but if it were not for the reviewers who refused to let me forget my responsibility to finish this, there would be no new chapter right now. I can say with great certainty that the next chapter will not be so long in coming; if I am overly slow in updating, please bug me about it until I get myself moving again. Today's Welsh Word: Anweladwy means Invisible. Ooooohhhh- aren't you all excited now? Please leave reviews, and I just wanted to let you know that this chapter is part of the buildup to something big, so expect longer chapters in the near future- I just wanted to get this bit out before you come searching for me and rip my head off. Enjoy! _

James was very happy to be back at Hogwarts for his second year. He and Sirius had had a great deal of fun over the summer, but too much free time got boring after a while. James tended to enjoy his classes, especially when they challenged him; he loved learning new things, and it was true that he and Sirius could get into a lot more trouble with Remus' and Peter's help. They were hoping to pull some good pranks, the four of them together, sometime soon, because Sirius was likely to explode if he didn't get to have some fun soon. James was in complete agreement with him, of course; what good was knowing all the secrets of Hogwarts if you weren't able to use them for some fun? Remus had made them promise on the train, however, not to play any tricks on the first year students for at least the first week. 

  


"They'll be scared enough as it is." Remus had said sternly, looking solemnly at each of his friends. "The least you can do is give them a few days to settle in, all right?" They had all agreed- it was difficult not to, with Remus staring at them with the professorial glint in his eyes that they had come to know and dread- whenever he got that look, they knew they were about to agree to something they would rather not. It was rather creepy, Sirius always said, how little Remus could make them all listen to him. He just had the kind of bearing that made people listen.

  


James yawned, and rolled out of bed; no good being late for classes on the first day back! Why, they might miss the perfect opportunity to have some fun with a teacher- Remus hadn't made them promise not to prank the teaching staff! James threw a pillow at Sirius; when that produced no response, he began to toss whatever came to hand- a pair of socks, Peter's stuffed bear, a half-empty box of Bertie Botts Every Flavored Beans, a notebook. Still, Sirius refused to wake up, so James decided desperate measures were needed, and he grabbed Sirius' feet and pulled him out of bed onto the floor. That did the trick- Sirius was wide awake, his eyes flashing, his hair falling in his face. He grabbed James in a headlock, and the noise of the two wrestling woke Peter up. Remus was already up and moving about, and he just glanced at the two rough-housing and shook his head, smiling. 

The four made it to breakfast in time - little later than they would have been, except that Remus insisted on stopping and explaining to _all_ of the little lost first years exactly how to get to the Great Hall. Peter was very amused by the fact that Remus stood no taller than the first-years; Peter had done some growing over the summer, and seemed now to think that his height granted him the right to give short people a hard time. James and Sirius squashed this ungentlemanly impulse in their friend- literally, because the way they thought best to help him overcome this personality defect was to sit on him. By the time they were done, Peter was no longer inclined to boast about his height. He was too busy trying to straighten his very messy robes.

  


They received their schedules at breakfast, and headed off straightaway to their first class- Defense Against the Dark Arts. 

  


"Well," Sirius said brightly as they headed to class. "Perhaps it won't be Muerno teaching anymore. Maybe he died over the summer!" Peter looked quite hopeful at this idea, until Remus reminded them quietly that if that were the case, Dumbledore would certainly have mentioned it at the feast the night before. They all deflated a bit at this; James noticed that Remus was looking rather gloomy at the thought of being back in Muerno's class. James hoped that for Remus' sake, the professor would let up on him this term. Nobody knew why Muerno hated Remus, but he did. Remus was nevertheless the best student in the class, and said he liked it, despite the teacher.

  


When they entered the classroom and sat down, Muerno was already there, seated unmovingly at the desk, staring at them over his clenched hands. When the entire class was seated, he rose silently and began to pace about the front of the room, glaring at the students. He gave a brief and cold speech about the importance of focusing on their studies, and the penalties that would be incurred by any student who disrupted his class in any way. He stopped at this to glare specifically at Remus before turning away; Remus just stared coolly back, not blinking. Muerno then told them he wished them to read the first chapter of their new textbook in class, so he could be certain they were doing as they were told; the rest of the class was very dull, as the book they were using was quite poorly written. The Beginners Guide to Dark and Evil Things, it was called, and the first chapter was a very long, weak and wandering introduction to the nature of Evil, as represented by Dark Creatures, and Good, as represented by the author. James suspected that the text had been written by Muerno himself, under the name given on the book cover, "Quagmirus Crosby." The attitudes reflected in the writing matched closely with those of Muerno. James was quite glad when the class was over, and he and the others wasted no time in packing their bags and leaving. 

  


History of Magic was, of course, dull as anything. James always thought that class was great shame, because he was normally fascinated by history; Binns just had a way of making even the most fascinating happenings sound dull; Sirius didn't even bother to attempt to stay awake, and Peter and James were sleeping shortly after the lecture began. When the period was over, Remus shook them awake, looking reproachful. "You really ought to try to stay awake." Remus told them, shaking his head. "You might learn something that way." 

  


"Why should we bother?" Sirius asked, grinning broadly. "We can just ask you to explain it to us!"

  


"And what will you do someday when I'm not around to explain something dull to you?" Remus asked, but he was smiling.

  


"I don't know!" Sirius replied. "You'd better not go anywhere, mate- you'll just have to stick around and explain things to us forever!"

  


"Provided you explain things that I don't understand!" Remus said as they walked into the Transfiguration classroom. Professor McGonagall winced as the four entered, but restored her normal facial expression quickly.

  


"Good morning, everyone." She said calmly. "Welcome back. I trust you have all kept up on your reading over the summer?" 

  


"Yeah, right!" James whispered to Sirius, and the two laughed silently. Unfortunately, this caught the teacher's attention, and she turned to James.

  


"Mr. Potter, what is so amusing?" 

  


"Nothing!" James said quickly, smiling at her innocently. "I was just telling Sirius here how much I'm looking forward to your class this year, that's all." 

  


"Well then, Mr. Potter, I'm sure I can ask you to demonstrate our first example today, then?" McGonagall asked, smiling at him; James got the impression that she did not believe a word he had said.

  


"Certainly." He replied confidently. If you were going to go down, better to do it with your head held high. The professor placed a turnip on his desk.

  


"Now then, Mr. Potter, if you would be so good as to demonstrate to the class how one would go about transfiguring this turnip into a teacup?" McGonagall stepped back and folded her arms, watching James closely. He concentrated, trying to remember everything he had learned in class the year before. One wand motion later, a lovely teacup sat on the desk in front of him, and James breathed a sigh of relief. 

  


"That was bloody brilliant!" Sirius enthused after class. "I didn't know you even touched your books over the summer!" 

  


"That's because I didn't!" James said. "I guess Transfiguration is just sort of easy for me." 

  


All of the boys had classes that they found easy. Peter was very good at Herbology- Sirius always joked that it was because all you needed to be good at Herbology was patience. Peter certainly had that! James was very good at Transfiguration, as was Sirius; Sirius was also quite skilled in DADA, although nowhere near Remus' level of skill. Remus seemed to be able to understand everything in that class without ever trying; he was also very good as Astronomy. 

  


The first few weeks of classes flew by incredibly fast; by the third week, it was as though they had never left at all. To add to this feeling, Remus got sick again, and had to go to the Infirmary.

  


"I'm not so sure about this." Sirius told James the night Remus had to leave the Common Room. Peter had accompanied him down, although James suspected that Peter's desire for a snack from the kitchens led to his volunteering to walk with Remus. "I mean, I really think something might be wrong with him. I have no idea what, but it can't be right for anyone to be sick as much as he is! And he gets all weird every time he's gone and disappeared- and then there's the fact that he's always having to go home to visit his mum. And he comes back all tired and looking awful- James, I really think there's something wrong."

  


"I agree." James said seriously. He had also been worried about Remus, and this latest round of illness just made his more determined to figure out what was going on. 'Wait, Sirius! I have an idea!"

  


"Be kind to it- it's in a strange place." Sirius said absently, reaching under his bed for something out of his reach.

  


"No, I mean it!" James said excitedly. "Look, my dad gave me something before I came back here this year, and I didn't tell you yet because I wanted to wait until there was a really good reason, and until now there hasn't been, but I think now counts, so I guess I can tell you- but you have to swear not to tell anyone!" Sirius stared at James blankly as he tried to work through James' very long and rushed sentence. When he finally got to the end of hit, Sirius shrugged.

  


"All right then, I swear not to tell anyone. Now what's got you so excited?" For answer, James leapt up and dashed over to his chest, flung it open and pulled out-

  


"An invisibility cloak!" Sirius breathed, his eyes lighting up. "Merlin, James, you couldn't have told me about this before? Think of all the time we've wasted!" Sirius touched the silvery fabric, his eyes gleaming.

  


"Look, I was thinking we could use this to sneak down to the Infirmary and see if we can find out what's wrong with Remus! I mean, if they don't know we're there, they might say something which will tell us what's going on."

  


"James." Sirius said solemnly. "You are a genius. Let's go!" Leaving a brief note for Peter - _"Gone out. Back soon. Busy. Back soon."_- the two snuck out of Gryffindor tower and to the Infirmary. Donning the cloak as soon as they were near the door, they slunk inside, looking for their friend. But Remus wasn't there, and neither was Madam Pomfrey; the Infirmary was dark and silent. Perplexed, the two left silently, not speaking until they were almost back to Gryffindor.

  


"Maybe he decided he wasn't really that sick after all and came back." James said doubtfully. Remus had looked quite ill, as he always did when he had to go away, and he usually spent two or three days in the Hospital Wing. When they got back to their room, Peter was back, sound asleep, but there was no sign of Remus.

  


"Pete! Hey Pete!" Sirius woke Peter up with a pillow to the face and a few calls. He awoke, groaning in protest.

  


"Whaddya want? M'trying to sleep." 

  


"Pete, where's Remus?" James asked.

  


"Hospital Wing." Peter muttered. "Now can I sleep?"

  


"No!" Sirius said loudly. "Pete, he's not there- we were just there, we looked, he's not there, and neither is Pomfrey."

  


"They were both there when I left." Peter said crossly. "I just walked down with Remus, and then I left, and he was still there."

  


James and Sirius looked at each other in silence- for a few seconds, because Peter's gentle snores began after a moment, and he was sound asleep again. 

  


"Well, I suppose we can't do anything about it." James said resignedly. "We'll just have to wait until tomorrow to figure out what's going on." Sirius nodded reluctantly, and they both went to bed in silence. The next day, they headed down to the Infirmary before breakfast, asking to see Remus.

  


"Mr Lupin is not well, and needs his rest." Madam Pomfrey answered them, looking tired.

  


"But he is here, isn't he?" James asked worriedly.

  


"Of course he's here!" The nurse replied. "Where else would he be?" 

  


They all went to breakfast, thinking to themselves.

  


"Well if he's there," Sirius finally burst out, "then why didn't we see him last night? And we still don't know what's wrong with him! Something's wrong, James." Peter nodded in agreement, and James agreed.

  


"Yes, something's going on, and we're going to find out what it is. Whatever it is, it's making Remus miserable, which is unacceptable. We're going to figure it out and make everything better for him. After all, it can't be bad enough that we can't handle it! He ought to just tell us what's wrong, but since he won't, I guess we'll have to find out on our own."

  


"And until we do?" Peter asked.

  


"Look out for him." James said simply. "He'd do the same for us. After all, he's one of us, and that's all there is to it." 


	12. Cyfrin

_ Hallo all! I realise that I seem to be consistently making you all wait much longer than I ought to, but I really have almost no free time now, and working on this story has to come in little bits and pieces every now and then, which doesn't lead to much getting done. However, I see that this story now seems to have reached over 50,000 words, which is rather amazing to me. Thanks ever so much to my dear reviewers- you are all fantastic! I don't know when I'll be able to update next- hopefully soon, but I think it better if I don't make promises I might not be able to keep. We'll see what happens, shall we? Today's Welsh Word- Cyfrin, meaning Secret. Enjoy, and review!_

Chapter 12- Cyfrin

Remus loved the fact that his second year at Hogwarts was very like his first. He had the same friends and the same classes he had had previously; his schedule was somewhat different, true, and the classes were more difficult, but other than that, everything was almost the same. He had become extremely fond of things exactly the way they were in first year, and had no desire for any of it to change. Well, with the notable exception of his lycanthropy, but that wasn't about to change, and it was useless wishing for it to do so. Remus remembered the wish he made on every falling star he saw- _I want to be normal. I just want to be like everyone else._ Every streak of light he saw tearing across the sky heard the same forlorn wish; he had finally accepted that some things would never change, and his regrettable condition was one of those things. And since there was nothing he could do to change the situation, it was pointless to think about it. So he ought to stop thinking about it. And since he had accepted that there would be no change, it was ridiculous for him to be sitting on the roof above Gryffindor tower, staring at the stars with a lump in his throat. He was not about to cry. After all, didn't he have far more than he would ever have imagined possible little over a year ago? A place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, good marks, a reputation as nothing more than "Quiet Remus Lupin," and more than anything, the best friends anyone could ever wish for. He didn't deserve them, he was sure, but they had accepted him, and he was as grateful as anyone had ever been. And so, for all of those reasons, he oughtn't to be sitting alone trying not to cry. After all, wasn't he happier than he had ever been in his life? He wasn't lonely anymore...

But that was the problem, wasn't it? He was still lonely, even surrounded by friends. No matter how fantastic his friends were, they weren't like him- he still wasn't like everyone else. The fact hit home sharply as the clouds above him shifted, allowing a sliver of the newly-waning moon to shine, showering him in silver moonlight. With care, Remus kept himself from flinching at the light, and scowled up at the bright-faced moon, so cold and beautiful. No, Remus was not like his friends; but they didn't know that, and they never would. Remus was bound and determined not to let them ever learn of his condition. Now that he had friends, he was not about to lose them because of a condition he could do nothing to get rid of. If it was a matter of desire, Remus wanted more than anyone else could ever know to be free of the curse of lycanthropy. If it were up to him, he would be normal in an instant.

Remus' thoughts were becoming circular; he was very tired from the last full moon, only two nights past. He had prudently gotten ahead on his class work so that it did not overwhelm him while he was unwell, but he was still very tired and sore, and did not want to do any work. With a soft groan, he climbed carefully down until he could climb in the dormitory window. It was still early in the evening, so the room was quite empty; Remus changed into his pajamas and climbed into his bed, enjoying the simple feeling of being able to lie down. He lay quietly, waiting for sleep to come; he had been lying there for about fifteen minutes and was beginning to feel quite sleepy when a disturbance near the door woke him from his daze. James and Sirius came in rather noisily, but quieted suddenly as they caught sight of Remus in bed, apparently asleep. 

"Awfully early to be sleeping." Sirius said, a bit disapprovingly.

"Come on, Sirius, you know he looked like he needed it- I though he was going to collapse in classes today, he looked so tired!"

Remus lay quite still- it wouldn't do for them to know that he was actually awake and listening to everything they said about him.

"So what d'you suppose is up with him?" Sirius asked in a hushed tone; to Remus' keen ears, it was quite loud.

"I don't know." James said, sounding a bit - sad? "I'm worried about him, Sirius, really I am. He gets sick all the time, and every time he leaves, he comes back looking worse than when he left. And the fact that he won't or can't tell us what's really going on has me a bit scared, to tell you the truth."

"Too right." Sirius agreed forcefully. "I mean, Remus is a great friend, and I just wish we could help him out somehow. But if he won't tell us what's wrong, how can we do that?"

"Don't you ever wonder why he won't say anything?" James asked. "I mean, we've been through a lot together, haven't we? I would tell any of you chaps anything- unless it was really horribly bad."

"Like what?" Sirius asked. "What could be so bad that you wouldn't say a word about it? I can't think of anything that bad, Jamie."

Remus lay frozen and tried to remember to breathe. James and Sirius were far more suspicious than he had thought, and for the first time, he felt that his secret was in real danger. 

"Well, what if he's being blackmailed or something? Or someone's poisoning him and will kill him if he says anything? Or someone else might be in danger if he said anything- you know Remus, he'd never put anyone else in danger, no matter how bad things were for him."

_But I am,_ Remus said silently, felling awful. _I'm putting all of you in danger just being here, and by not telling you, I'm making it worse._

Sirius was thinking deeply. "Maybe he's got some kind of illness that he doesn't want people know about?" He suggested. "Something that makes him really sick, obviously, but maybe he's afraid that people wouldn't like him if they knew."

"Could be." James said thoughtfully. "But surely he knows by now that we wouldn't dislike him just for a little thing like that? Even if nobody else understood, we would- he could tell us."

_I wish that were true._ Remus thought sadly. _But even you wouldn't like me if you knew the truth, James._

"Well, whatever it is, I don't like it." Sirius announced firmly. "We're going to have to do something about it, Jamie."

"Right..." James said, thinking. "Well, first we do have to figure out what's going on."

"Right!" Sirius said, obviously glad to have a plan of action, and he dashed over the Remus' bed. "Remus! Remus, wake up!" Sirius shook Remus, not roughly, but enough to have woken him had he been asleep.

"What is it, Sirius?" Remus asked, trying hard to keep from sounding as terrified as he was. _They're your friends, you don't have to be afraid of them!_

"Why are you so weird, Rem?" Sirius asked bluntly.

"I- I'm sorry?" Remus asked weakly, thrown off by the question.

"What Sirius _means_ to say," James broke in firmly, "is why do you get sick so much? And why do you have to leave all the time?"

"And why won't you tell us the truth?" Sirius asked, looking hurt.

Remus gripped at the covers on top of him, wishing at the moment that he could be miles away. What on earth was he going to tell them?

"I- I just get sick a lot." Remus said, trying not to stammer. "And my mum does too- you know that, that's why I have to go home so many times. Why don't you believe me?"

"Rem, nobody gets sick that much without keeling over dead." Siris said confidently.

"And your mum looked quite healthy when I met her."

"And the whole time I visited with you at Christmas!" Sirius added. 

"Look, Rem, we know something's going on, and we want to help you. Can't you trust us?" James said quietly.

"It's not that!" Remus said desperately. "I do trust you, all of you, it's just-" 

"Just what, Rem?" Sirius asked in a tone that was gentle, for Sirius.

"Please believe me." Remus said quietly. "I would tell you if I could. But I _can't._ You have to believe me."

James and Sirius both looked disappointed. 

"Then there is something going on." James said after a short moment. "Remus, we do understand, but we're your friends. We're not about to stop trying to figure out what's going on, and we're going to find out." Sirius nodded.

"You can't!" Remus said vehemently, sitting upright. "It's nothing to do with you- and if you figure it out, everything's over." Now he was almost crying, and trying desperately to keep from doing so. "Please just drop it."

And with that, he turned around and dropped his head into his pillow, hiding his face. James and Sirius were silent for a moment before walking out quietly, and Remus lay still, wondering how long he had before his so close to perfect life came falling apart around him.

The next morning, Remus woke somewhat late, and found that the dormitory was empty. He hurried to get ready for the day, and grabbing his back, rushed down to try to eat breakfast before the food was gone. He arrived in the Great Hall with some time to spare, and James, Sirius and Peter caught sight of him right away. Remus froze where he stood; after the conversation he had had with James and Sirius the night before, how would they act toward him? He hoped desperately that they wouldn't treat him any differently than they always had, but the fact that they knew for certain that he was hiding something from them- would they possibly still trust him? 

"Remus!" Peter call cheerfully, waving at him. "C'mon, you're going to miss breakfast if you don't hurry up!" Remus made himself smile and join his friends at the table. Sirius gave him a strange look, but to Remus' relief, none of the boys said anything out of the ordinary. After a few minutes of normal conversation, Remus managed to relax; it seemed that everything would be all right after all.

The Gryffindors had Potions with the Slytherins that morning, and James and Sirius were certainly in the mood for it. Remus counted no fewer than sixteen separate pranks being played on Slytherin students during the class period. Thankfully, the professor managed to not notice any of them, and the Slytherins were too proud to admit that they were being harassed by childish pranks. By the time they left class, James and Sirius were laughing so hard they could barely walk straight, and Remus, not half as amused, had to keep them from walking into the walls as they giggled. Peter was in an even worse state than the others; James' jokes in particular always impressed Peter. He was wiping away tears of laughter, laughing so hard he could hardly breathe. Remus tried not to roll his eyes; he did not find any of the pranks the others had played particularly funny, but he did not want to offend his friends.

"That was fantastic!" Sirius said, grinning madly.

"Yeah- did you see Snape's expression?" James crowed. "Brilliant, Sirius, changing his powdered asphodel for powdered bicorn horn! His potion was bright pink!"

"Ha! Serves him right, getting an awful mark for it, after all the times he's messed up our plans!" Peter said gleefully. 

Remus said nothing, but smiled weakly when the others looked at him, curious about his silence. They did not have much time to wonder, though, as they had reached the History of Magic classroom, and joined the class, falling quickly into the mindless stupor that Binns' lectures tended to produce. Even Remus did not pay much attention; he was still very tired, and preoccupied by worries about his friends all too inconvenient concern for him. Besides, Remus though in self defense, he's only talking about the Goblin Rebellions. Again. Remus thought he already had enough notes written on the subject to fully paper the boys dormitory. So, for once, Remus allowed himself to zone out just like the rest of the class, and was surprised to see how much faster the time seemed to pass. 

That evening over their homework, Sirius put his quill down and looked thoughtful.

"What do all of you want to do when you grow up? When we get out of here, I mean?"

"Play Quidditch." James said unhesitatingly. "I want to be a professional player. Although..." James voice trailed off, and he looked uncertain.

"What?" Peter asked.

"Well, it's just that things seem to be getting up a bit dangerous, you know, in the world out there. By the time we're out of here, there may be a need for people to do more important jobs than play Quidditch." James' face looked uncharacteristically solemn, and he turned away a bit, staring into the fire.

"I don't know." Peter said after a moment of thought. "Maybe go into magical foods- you know, like the people who develop the new flavours for Bertie Botts Every Flavoured Beans. That would be fun."

"I want to be an Auror." Sirius said firmly. The others looked at him a bit curiously- Sirius being serious was never something to be laughed at. He flushed a bit, but was determined. "It's my family, you see- they're so wrapped up in their pure blood mania and blind support for the Dark Arts that I feel like I ought to be doing something to oppose them, and people like them. They're dead set on having purity, you know- if they were given half a chance, they would get rid of everyone who's not a 'pureblood,' according to their standards. So I want to be an Auror, and fight them, and everyone who thinks the way they do." James and Remus both nodded in agreement, while Peter looked somewhat frightened at the idea of opposing Sirius' family.

Everyone turned and looked expectantly at Remus, who was still working on homework, although he was listening to everything his friends said.

"What?" He asked, noticing their interest.

"What are you going to be when you grow up, Rem?" Sirius asked. "Grow up more, I mean- I think sometimes that you were born already grown up!"

"I - don't know." Remus said softly. In truth, there were many things Remus wished he could do when he reached adulthood. He wanted to be an Auror, he would like to be involved in research regarding magical creatures, and he knew that he would love most of all being a teacher. Unfortunately for him, none of those careers were really viable options; no-one would ever want to hire a werewolf, whether he had a Hogwarts education or not. As a matter of fact, Remus had no idea what he was going to do when he was done with school, because of his condition and the prejudice surrounding it; that scared him sometimes, but he was determined not to show it.

"There's just so much out there that would be amazing to do- I'm not ready to choose anything yet." Remus told his friends They nodded, and all four went back to their homework. 

Remus did not know, but James and Sirius began that night to make careful notes about his behavior, taking note of anything they found unusual. They were determined to figure out their mysterious friend's secret "if it kills us," as Sirius melodramatically put it. 


	13. Fampir

_Hello everyone! I know that by now you've probably all given up on me ever updating and/or finishing this story, and that you've most likely forgotten all about it, but that's OK. I swear to you, I will finish this, but I can't say how long it may take. Believe me, I love writing it, and I really like being able to share it with other people, but other aspects of life have been taking precedence over fun stuff like this. Fortunately, I think life may become a little less insane in the very near future, which would allow me to spend more time writing, which means you get more chapters. _

_ OK, let's see, let me take care of all the formalities here. Don't own anything. J.K. does. Don't make any money. J.K. does. Don't sue. J.K. does- no wait, that's wrong- J.K. does not want to sue me, that's what I meant to say! Nobody wants to sue me, OK? All right! Welsh Word of the Day- here's a fun and useful one for you: Fampir, meaning...Vampire! Wow! Awesome, eh? Right, enough rambling on my part, and on to the story! _

Chapter 13: Fampir

James Potter was a very happy boy. Insanely happy. Happier than any boy had ever been in the entire history of the entire world. He was happy, despite the fact that he was muddy, bruised, chilled to the bone, and covered in bits of grass from head to toe. As he limped to his common room (limping because he had twisted his ankle), his face was split with an unholy grin, one that was quite common to his face; he was seen with said grin more often than he was seen frowning, certainly. Behind him trudged his three great friends, none of them as happy as he, each wearing a different expression. Peter came first, a recent growth spurt making him 3/4 of an inch taller than James (he had measured, and was not going to let anyone ever forget that he was, at least for a few weeks, taller than his hero). He wore a red and gold scarf around his neck, and his face was beet red, partly from the cold outside and partly from his excitement. Peter was talking non-stop, neither noticing nor caring that no-one was responding to him.

"James, that was fantastic, I mean, you were great! I bet no-one has ever seen anyone do as well as you, and I wish I could be as great as you are. Will you teach me, huh James? " Peter could be rather dense, and somehow seemed completely oblivious to the fact that his words were upsetting another of his friends.

Sirius was behind Peter, a downcast expression on his face. He was also muddy and bruised, but instead of the nearly skipping motion of James walk, Sirius plodded along, looking only at the ground, obviously tuning out everything Peter was saying. Every few minutes, he would give a long, slow, sad sigh; James was in his own world, and didn't hear, and Peter would have to be hit over the head, forced to shut up, and told that someone else had a different set of emotions for him to pay any attention at all. Only one other boy noticed Sirius' emotions, and he certainly felt bad for him.

Remus brought up the rear of the group, keeping an eye on Sirius, occasionally smiling and nodding at Peter when he looked back for confirmation of his opinions, and generally maintaining the even temperament he was known for. Moving up to walk beside Sirius, he put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder for a moment, but Sirius almost certainly did not notice. Remus looked tired, but healthy; his bag, stuffed full of books, certainly seemed to be weighing him down, though.

And so, walking together, the four came to Gryffindor Tower, and Peter darted ahead, spoke the password quickly and excitedly, and dove through the portrait hole ahead of the others.

"Everyone!" Peter said loudly, his voice coming out a squeak in his excitement. "Everyone, listen! James just made the team, the Quidditch team, he's the new Chaser, isn't that great? He's going to be the best Chaser ever!" James stood tall, grinning madly, and accepted the congratulations people sent his way, none of them as excitedly as Peter, but at least he thought they all sounded heartfelt. Sirius passed behind him silently, and headed morosely upstairs, presumable to shower and change his clothes. James frowned.

"What's wrong with Sirius? He doesn't look happy at all, and he barely said anything to me after they announced that I made the team!" James pushed his glasses up his nose, and looked puzzled and slightly bothered. Remus came to stand beside him, shaking his head at his friend.

"James, think about it a little." Remus said sensibly. "You and Sirius both tried out for the Quidditch team, right?"

"Well yes, Remus." James said, still looking confused. "You were there, you remember, right? I tried out for Chaser and Sirius tried out for Beater, because those two team members got banned from the team."

"Yes, I know that, James. And you made the team- but Sirius didn't. You're very excited, but I don't think you've stopped to think about his reaction."

"Oh." James suddenly stopped smiling. "I hadn't thought of that. Is he mad at me?"

"I don't think so, but he is disappointed. He wanted to make the team as much as you did, you know. Give him some time, though, he'll get over it." Remus smiled at James, and disappeared up the stairs. James wanted to kick himself for not realizing how his best friend was feeling. He walked upstairs to shower; by the time he was done and dressed again, Sirius had wandered into their room, also clean and changed. He looked dismal for a moment, but before James could speak, Sirius smiled.

"Congratulations on making the team, James. Peter's right, you are going to be very good." James smiled back; he should have known that Sirius would never stay mad when a friend was happy. "Besides," Sirius continued, "that fourth year who made the Beater's spot- I should have known I couldn't beat him for the position. I'll just get it next year, that's all!" And clapping a hand on James' shoulder, Sirius led the way back down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room.

The next morning at breakfast, Sirius seemed completely back to normal. Yes, James thought, as he watched Sirius shooting spells from his wand, concealed under the table, at the Slytherin table at the far side of the room, Sirius was certainly feeling just like himself. As Slytherin students began to cringe and squeal about the suddenly changed contents of their plates, James gave Sirius a big grin, and Sirius returned it full force. Peter noticed nothing, being far to intent on his heaping plate of food; Remus, seated across from them, rolled his eyes at them, but said nothing. His mouth was quite full of food, and his plate was also full; it looked to contain every kind of meat offered at the table. Peter sometimes teased Remus about his carnivorous appetites, which Remus cooly ignored. The funny thing about that, though, was that some days Remus ate nothing but meat, and others, he had no interest in meat of any kind. James thought about this fact as he ate, and wondered whether to mention it to Sirius. The two had begun a personal crusade to discover what was wrong with Remus, and to help themselves, had started recording any odd behaviors in a blank book that Sirius "had found somewhere." James had teased him when he first saw the book, but Sirius had hotly denied any word of the book being a diary; after all, only girls had diaries, and he, Sirius Black, was certainly not a girl, thank you very much. James decided after a moment's thought that Remus' weird tastes probably had nothing to do with his "problem," and promptly forgot the matter. With a sigh, Remus stood up from the table and hoisted his bag onto his shoulder.

"Time for class, guys." The other three rolled their eyes and groaned, but Remus stood, staring implacably at them until they began to stand, and then led the way out of the Great Hall at a leisurely pace. 

"Don't see why you're in such a hurry." Peter said grumpily as they reached their classroom. "It's not as though we're anything like late."

"Of course we're not late." Remus said, as calm as ever. "We're not late because I told you it was time to leave for class. Besides, would you want to risk being late for class, Peter? You know Professor Muerno was not entirely happy with you the last time that happened." Peter blanched, and shivered at the memory. Muerno had indeed not been happy; he had not yelled at Peter as the boy walked in 15 minutes late, he had merely stared. And then continued to stare. At first, Peter had looked back bravely, but his bravado had faded as the seconds passed; he flushed, looked down at his feet, began to fidget, and then began to stammer out an apology. Muerno had cut him off, smiling in his particularly-unhappy-looking way, and had been highly sarcastic as he told Peter not to feel bad, and that he was to feel free to wander into class at any time. Since that incident, Peter had been most careful to avoid being late to class, even as he complained about having to be timely. 

Muerno swept silently into the room a moment later, and took his customary place standing behind the desk. He said nothing, and merely looked cooly at the class. Amazing how well it always worked, James though- within thirty seconds, the class had gone deadly silent, and every eye was on the teacher. He smiled thinly.

"Good morning, class. First order of business; will you all please hand in your essays?" They did so, with a minimum of noise. The essays were three feet long, and concerned various defensive spells. Muerno seemed to love to give his class long writing assignments; James was never certain if this was because Muerno believed they helped the class to learn, of if he was just a sadistic reptile, but either explanation did an adequate job explaining the facts. James preferred the sadistic reptile theory, though, because it sounded better and because all of the boys hated the teacher on purpose. It was a group loyalty thing- Muerno hated Remus and made his life miserable, so the other boys disliked Muerno on principle. This class period, Muerno assigned them to work in pairs to practice the defensive spells they had written about. However, when the class split into pairs, they found themselves one short. One student was missing from their class, and so one person was left without a partner. This did not seem like a large problem; James figured that they would merely have one group containing three students, as all the other classes did when this sort of problem arose. He was surprised when Muerno stepped in, smiling coldly.

"We seem to have a problem, don't we? Well, this will never do. I believe we will simply have to have one student sit out of this practice session." He strode over to where Remus and Peter had been standing together, ready to begin practice at Muerno's signal. "Mr Lupin, you are not to participate in this activity; you may observe. Mr Pettigrew, I would like you to partner Ms. Andrews." James looked at Sirius in some confusion. Muerno did like to pick on Remus, but not allowing him to practice his defense skills could be dangerous; besides, Remus worked twice as hard in that class as any other student, and did not deserve to be forced to sit out. James stepped forward, and cleared his throat to attract Muerno's attention.

"Professor, sir, I would like to volunteer to sit out instead. I know Remus has been looking forward to practicing these spells for a while, and I can always get him to practice with me later, sir." Muerno looked at him in surprise.

"No, Mr. Potter, I believe you will benefit from practicing these spells. Mr Lupin will sit out, as I have instructed him. On another note, you ought to know that students are nut allowed to practice these kinds of spells outside of my classes; the danger is too great without expert supervision." He turned away from James, dismissing him, and nodded coldly at Remus, who took a seat away from the rest of the class, his face an emotionless mask. Seething, James went to back to stand by Sirius; they spent the rest of the class period practicing their spells, while Remus sat watching silently. As they left the room to go to their next class, Muerno stopped Remus, and motioned the others out the doors. James and Sirius, practiced in the fine arts of eavesdropping and sneaking around, waited outside the classroom door to hear the conversation.

"Lupin, you are not to practice any of those spells outside of my class, do you understand? I do not agree that _you_ ought to be learning these spells and charms in the first place, but the Headmaster has insisted, so I must teach you. However, I will not have you actually using any of them, and certainly not in this school. You are dismissed." James and Sirius scampered away from the door, and resumed walking normally a few paces away; when Remus came out of the classroom, it looked as if they had not stopped to listen at all. With a silent glance at each other, James and Sirius agreed that they would not discuss the situation with Remus unless he brought it up, and that it would be recorded in their not-diary of Remus Lupin's life. Remus said nothing, and they all went to their next class. 

They walked into the Transfiguration classroom calmly and silently, which was unusual for them, and Professor McGonagall look at them sharply as they entered. She had apparently been looking at a calendar which sat on her desk, and she shot Remus an inquisitive glance, but said nothing until they were all seated. The lesson proceeded as usual; McGonagall had them work with partners at one point, but there were no repeats of the problems that had occurred in their previous class. The boys were pleased to learn how to change human hair into animal fur, which they had to practice on their partners. When class was over, however, Peter realized that his partner had forgotten to change his hair back, and that his head was covered with soft, grey mouse fur. He started to become upset.

"James! James, help me here, I've got fur on my head! And- and James, this is really awful, you have to help me, it's - it's _balding_ mouse fur! I'm going bald, and I'm only 12! James!"

"Honestly, Peter." Remus looked a bit frustrated as he reached over and changed Peter's hair back to normal (which, James noted with a smirk, was balding in it's human state as well). Peter squeaked his thanks, but Remus just waved tiredly at him in acknowledgment, putting his other hand to his head briefly, as if he had a headache. James would not have been surprised if he did; Remus got headaches a lot. 

The four went to lunch, walking with the Gryffindor girls for once, as they were all going to the same place. The boys didn't dislike the girls, but as James once said, what were they good for, really? They tended to hang out in a pack (Sirius' word), and seemed to know to pounce when one of the boys was feeling especially out of sorts. There were only five Gryffindor girls in their year, but they could "really make a fellow feel outnumbered," as Peter said, which bothered him greatly. Remus was the only one who did not have a problem with the girls, but he did not spend great amounts of time with them, either. James thought briefly, as he ate his lunch, and wondered to himself if he could even think of the names of all of the girls. Well, there was Lily Evans, for one- that was easy. Lily was almost counted as a friend, and shared his concerns for Remus. And there was Katie Andrews, and Megan and Margaret Brukail- twins, known as Meggie and Maggie, and James couldn't for the life of him tell them apart, and then one more...Lynn something, but James couldn't remember, and had stopped caring. The girls did tend to blend together until one couldn't tell them apart- at last, it seemed that way to James, but he had never really talked to any of them but Lily. It was a well observed phenomenon, however, that all of the Houses had the same problems within themselves. All of the girls in one House tended to stick around each other, as did the boys. It was a rare sight to see anyone willfully associating with a member of another House. James had heard some of the staff say that their year had worse inter-House rivalries than any they had ever seen, which were undoubtedly caused, at least in some part, by the continual pranks that James' group played on members of all of the other Houses, and their uncanny abilities to make it seem as though some other House was the guilty party. As a result of all of these complex interpersonal things, James thought distractedly, the four Gryffindor boys had become a very tight-knit group, and did not often interact with other students, except in their pranks. 

James spent his afternoon classes in a state of bored- well, boredom. Between History of Magic (so dull- how could Binns take such an interesting subject and make it so very boring?) and Herbology (Peter was the only one who really liked that class), James found he could barely stay awake. Sirius seemed little better off, slumping over his desk and staring blankly into space, even when Professor Berch called on him to answer a question in Herbology. Peter slept through History of Magic, and snored very loudly the entire time, but was quite awake in Herbology. Even Remus seemed less attentive and "Model Student-y." He did not sleep in either class, but had to stifle huge yawns all afternoon, and his head began to droop lower and lower as classes dragged on. Walking back to the castle after Herbology, the boys got quite wet in the unexpected rain that had begun during their class. 

They all attempted to do homework that afternoon. Of course, what that meant in actuality was that James and Sirius spent their time laughing, horsing around, and plotting their next big prank. Peter sat in the fat armchair in front of the fireplace, sucking on candy gotten from a daring trip to Honeydukes through their secret tunnel, and reading comic books. He was consistently amazed by their moving pictures and audible, if somewhat squeaky, dialogue. Remus was the only one who did attempt to do homework, but forty-five minutes into his work found him with his head down on his arms, dead to the world. 

Dinnertime rolled around, and all of the boys ceased their pursuits and wandered down to the Great Hall. Remus apparently had difficulty waking up from his nap fully; he was distracted all during the meal. In fact, he merely picked at his food, and said almost nothing. Before the others had even reached dessert, he stood up suddenly, looking uncomfortable, and said quietly,

"I think I'm going to go see Madam Pomfrey. I'm not feeling so well." 

"D'you want me to walk with you?" James asked. "I mean, I'm happy to, if you want." Secretly, James really hoped he wouldn't ask, because he was still hungry, and really wanted dessert. Remus shook his head, smiling briefly.

"No, that's quite alright, I'm not that badly off! Of course, you know Madam Pomfrey; she's likely to keep me there overnight." Remus grimaced, and then waved at the others as he left.

"That woman is seriously overprotective." Sirius grumbled rather indistinctly, as he was attempting to perform a difficult culinary feat that involved getting some of every food on his plate onto his fork at the same time. This was proving quite a challenge, as Sirius liked to eat some of everything he could reach. "I mean, she kept me there for two days last time I broke a wrist. Two days! That was unnecessary."

" I think she said something about the experience teaching you a lesson, Sirius." Peter said, smirking. 

"Yes, but it didn't, did it?" Sirius asked triumphantly. "She'll never stop me from attempting dangerous stunts, I swear it!" He flourished his fork triumphantly, having finally accomplished his goal, but he moved it too violently. The food toppled off, and Sirius' face fell. 

After dinner, they went back to the Gryffindor common room, and the James and Sirius told Peter that they needed to go to the Library for a while. He didn't take much notice, being engrossed in his comic book, and they left rapidly. They made their way to the most secret, hidden corner of the Library that they could find, and sat at the table there. This table was their special place; if any of the four had work to do in the Library, he took it to this table. No other students dared sit there anymore, because after one of the infamous four had been sitting there, one never knew what they might find. James and Sirius threw themselves onto the chairs placed there, and Sirius pulled his non-diary out of his bag. He undid the Locking Charm that he had placed on it, and the two began to decide what they needed to add. 

"Well, first of all, there's the fact that he's off sick _again_." Sirius said, scribbling madly. 

"Right, of course." James said. "And - well, what about that business with Muerno today? That was definitely weird." Sirius nodded his assent, and continued to write. After a few more minutes of thought, scribbling and doodling (because Sirius couldn't stand to not do something for even a minute), the two decided they had added everything weird they could think of. 

"So, now comes the hard part." Sirius said, still drawing in the book- he appeared to be drawing a picture of Peter covered in mouse fur, with rodent-like features. Sirius was no artist, but James thought the picture was funny anyway. "What does it all mean? We always get stuck here." James pushed his glasses up, ran his hand distractedly through his hair, and tried to think. 

"Well, what do we see as continuing trends? There's the whole sickness thing- either Remus or his mother is always getting sick. That, and he's had several relatives die, all of which make him leave school for a few days."

"Uh-huh." Sirius said, his tongue stuck out in concentration as he added whiskers to his drawing. "And there's the way Muerno acts all the time. Remus never did anything to make him mad, did he? I mean, not that he would, being Remus and all, but Muerno treats Remus like - like he's something dirty." Now he was drawing a flying creature of some kind, maybe an eagle or owl- or was it a bat? James couldn't tell.

"Alright, why don't we think about that for a minute. Why would he do that? If Remus has never done anything to him, why would he possibly act weird towards him? It's not like Remus is a Dark Creature or anything- I mean, we would recognize it from the descriptions in our book, wouldn't we? He doesn't have a Smell of Evil about him, or give off a Menacing Feeling of Dread and Doom when we approach."

"Yeah!" Sirius laughed, joining in; none of them liked their textbook, and it was commonly suspected that Muerno himself had written it. He continued to draw as he spoke; James was pretty sure that the flying thing was a bat now, swooping towards the Peter-rodent. "I mean, we'd certainly notice if his eyes Glowed with a Mysterious Evil Power, or if he Emanated a Sense of Otherworldly Nastiness." Sirius put the finishing touches on his bat, and sat back to stare at the picture. He suddenly slapped his hand down, making James jump. "Wait, hang on, what if he really isn't human? I mean, what if he is some kind of Dark Creature or something?"

"What are you talking about?"

Sirius pointed excitedly at his badly-drawn bat. "Like that- a vampire or something! That would explain why Muerno hates him."

James thought about this. "Yeah, I suppose...and maybe that's why he would have to go home, like to go feed on human blood or something!"

"Yuck. No, I mean, I can't see that from Remus, but maybe animal blood of some kind, or maybe Madam Pomfrey gives him treatments for it or something. I mean, that would explain why he's so pale, and why he can be so quiet, and why Filch's cat hates him."

"I guess that could be why he doesn't want to tell us- I mean, if you were- you wouldn't want to say, would you? Hey, maybe his whole family is vampires!"

Sirius nodded eagerly. "Could be! This is very good- I think we're finally onto something, James! Now what do we do?"

James frowned. "Well, I think we need to check somehow. How do you find out if someone's really a vampire?"

"Stick a stake in him? I don't really think that's a good plan, but I think it's traditional with vampires. Umm, garlic, mirrors, blood, holy symbols?"

"Blood!" James said. "Idea! You know how at Honeydukes they have those blood-flavored lollipops? My dad told me that vampires really love those things- he actually works with a vampire, y'see, so he knows. We could get some of those, and see how Remus reacts!"

"Brilliant!" Sirius said, slamming his book shut. "Let's go."

"What, now?"

Sirius shrugged. "Why not? It's as good a time as any, and we don't have class. We do, however, have an Invisibility Cloak!"

James found himself agreeing, and they were soon in the tunnel on the way to Honeydukes. "Wait, hang on, won't they be closed by now?" James asked, as they neared the end of the tunnel. 

"Yes, but that's not a problem. They keep extra candy in the basement, remember? We'll just grab some, and leave the money laying around somewhere. That's not stealing!" James agreed, and they snuck silently into the basement. Illuminating their wands, they began to search for the blood-flavored sweets. Suddenly, the silence was broken by a scream, long and excruciating; it sounded like it came from some distance away, but both boys jumped. 

"What was that?" James gasped, almost forgetting to keep his voice quiet. "What an awful-" His words were cut off by another scream, longer and even worse than the first.

"That sounds like a person screaming." Sirius whispered, shaken. "Someone in an awful lot of pain. James, let's go now- I don't want to listen to that!" James agreed completely; he was almost in tears at the awful sound. He quickly grabbed a handful of the sweets, Sirius threw the money down on the floor, and the two ran to the tunnel as fast as they could. They didn't stop running until they were far enough away to not be able to hear the screaming anymore. Both shaken, they made their way back to Hogwarts in silence, and went quickly to bed, but James' dreams were haunted by the awful screams.

The next day, they tried to visit Remus before breakfast, before lunch, after their last classes, before dinner, after dinner, five minutes later than that, 3 hours before they were supposed to be in bed, and 17 minutes before the Infirmary closed. Every time, Madam Pomfrey turned them away, and the last time, she practically slammed the door in their faces, and told them that if they didn't go away she wouldn't let them see Remus the next day _at all!_

"Well, this is no good." Sirius complained. James hushed him. Remus showed up the next day, shortly before lunch. He looked awful, and James thought his appearance was a definite support for their theory; he was pale, with bags under his eyes, which were bloodshot. 

_Of course, if he's been up for the past few nights doing vampire-y night stuff, he'd look like that_, James thought. Remus was also tired, which also fit James' brilliant theory. Looking meaningfully at Sirius, James decided to begin his attempt to discern Remus' real secret identity. 

"Remus, you don't look so good. See?" James held up a hand mirror that he had placed in his bag for this very reason. Remus did not seem to react, merely nodding sleepily; too late, James realized that none of the others had been in a position to see what Remus could see in the mirror. Cursing himself inwardly for his stupidity, he moved on to the next plan. "Garlic sausage, Remus? They're quite tasty." 

"No, thanks." Remus replied tiredly. "I'm not really hungry right now." 

_Well, that was inconclusive._ Sirius tried next, holding up cards containing various holy symbols in front of Remus' eyes.

"Sirius, what _are_ you doing?" Remus asked, looking curious and rather annoyed.

"Nothing! Just testing your reflexes." Sirius replied cheerfully, and put the cards away. James sighed in frustration, but since it was time to leave for class, they could not complete their investigation. That evening in the Gryffindor common room, however, they did get their chance.

"Here Remus, want a lollipop?" James asked casually, and tossed one to him. James and Sirius, by carefully pre-arranged plan, were already sucking on lollipops themselves, although theirs were not blood-flavored. Peter frowned, and asked if he could have one as well, so Sirius threw him a regular one. Remus, deeply engrossed in his studies, opened the wrapper and popped the candy in his mouth without paying any attention; Sirius and James leaned forward in their seats eagerly, watching his face intently. After a second, his face contorted, becoming truly disgusted, and he snatched the lollipop from his mouth and stared at it accusingly. 

"What is this? Is this- this is one of those trick blood-flavored ones, isn't it?" James looked questioningly at Sirius, but Remus was already moving, heading for the stairs. Sirius followed, at a distance, and when he came back, he looked abashed.

"Well, I think we can safely say we were wrong on that one. It made him sick, and now he's mad at us." James winced at Sirius' gloomy words, and then sighed. 

"Back to square one, I guess." 


	14. Teuluaidd

_Right, replacing the text of this chapter after some minor edits that became important to the next chapter of the story - which is currently being written. Expect it in the next few days, like before the end of the weekend (23-25 April) and let me tell you this- it's the biggie, the one we've all been waiting for. Right. OK, make that the one I've been waiting to write since I dreamed this thing up about a year ago. It's been a long haul, but great fun. So anyway, on with the fic. Welsh Word of the day - Teuluaidd, meaning "Family." I own nothing but my own characters, I'm making no money, please don't sue. _

Sick. Remus Lupin was quite sick- sick to his stomach, sick to his heart, sick with fear. His world was crashing down on him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Ever since he had been released from the Infirmary, James and Sirius had been treating him strangely; over lunch, he had gotten the distinct impression that they were trying to figure out, in their rather clumsy way, whether he was a vampire, and then this evening...well, that certainly erased any doubts he may have had. He had been so very tired, coming back from an especially bad transformation, and he just wanted to get his homework done and go to bed; he certainly had not expected a blood-flavored lollipop! It had taken his mouth a moment to recognize the flavor, but as soon as he realized what he was tasting, he whipped the candy out of his mouth. He shuddered at the thought; the taste of blood in his mouth...his own blood, drawn from the wounds he inflicted on himself. Remus was always glad that he could remember little of his transformations, but what he did recall was enough to give him nightmares almost every night. One thing that he often remembered, though, was the blood, the taste and smell of it. The blood-flavored candy brought back the taste, and the memories came with it, until it was all Remus could do not to cry out in terror of the wolf that felt so near. He had been horribly sick after tasting the candy, and now he lay in his bed, thinking silently.

It would have been bad enough if his friends had given him the candy as a joke; he still would have been ill, but he could have shrugged that off quickly. But knowing from their actions and words and faces that they were testing him, looking to see if he was a vampire gave Remus a palpable sense of fear. If they were looking at the possibility of him being something not-human, then how far could they be from suspecting that he was a werewolf? Their investigations into his behavior and illness must have brought them much farther than he had suspected, and now what could he do? Realistically, he knew he probably only had a month left, perhaps two, before they discovered his secret, and then it was all over. He would have to leave in a hurry- he probably should write his parents, and let them know to expect him home much sooner than they anticipated. And then what? He could continue to study at home; it would be nowhere near as high quality an education as he would have received at Hogwarts, but that was shortly to be impossible. Remus bit back a sob. His friends- that was the most painful thought of all. His friends were going to hate him, hate him for lying, hate him for what he was..._monsters_, they had all said, _werewolves are monsters, Professor._ There was no hope they would accept him, and in all honesty, Remus could think of no reason that they should. It was very true that almost all wizards thought of werewolves as monsters, but that was a reputation they had done much to earn over time. The werewolf who bit Remus, so very long ago, the other boy cursed with his fate - didn't he sometimes hate that boy for what he had done to Remus? Didn't Remus sometimes think, very quietly in the back of his mind, that that other werewolf had indeed been a monster, to do such a thing to a little boy? Of course he knew, rationally, that the werewolf had no more control over itself than he did while transformed, but he couldn't help the thoughts, sometimes. If even he, a werewolf, thought of werewolves as monsters, he had no right to expect any human to consider him anything but a monster. Remus did not know what his friends would do when they discovered his secret. Confront him, tell him to leave and be done with him? Announce it to the entire school? Tell the Ministry and have him taken away? Remus didn't know, didn't what to think about it, but couldn't stop himself. He was sure that if he asked Dumbledore, the Headmaster would forbid his friends to tell his secret, but they would still know, still hate him, and he would have to leave- he could never stay at Hogwarts if his friends hated him. When, not if. How many days left? Remus slept very little that night, despite his exhaustion.

Over the next few days, his fears receded somewhat; not because he no longer thought his friends would not find out what he was hiding, but because he finally began to accept it as inevitable that they should. Remus attempted to learn as much as he could and to enjoy his last few days of happiness to the best of his abilities. He couldn't stop his friends from discovering his secret, so it made little sense to worry about it overmuch.

October 31st rolled around, bringing with it Hallowe'en and the Feast, something all of the boys had been looking forward to.

"So, what shall we do this year?" Sirius asked Hallowe'en morning, after waking all of his friends up with whoops of joy for the day. "I mean, we played that great prank on Snape last year, so what'll it be this year? We can't let a tradition die!"

"One time hardly makes a tradition, Sirius." Remus pointed out logically. Sirius dismissed this objection with a wave of the hand. 

"Perhaps not, but two does, and this year will make two! So what's it going to be?" The four sat in silence for a moment, pondering this tricky question.

"Enchant their food so that everything's made out of raw pumpkin?" Peter suggested. They considered this, but James shook his head.

"We enchant their food all the time. It needs to be something more unique!" They all thought some more, and James voiced an idea. "What about if we do something sort of like what we did to Snape last year- remember, with the Cheering Charms? Only hit all of Slytherin with it!" 

"That would be a lot of Cheering Charms to cast, James." Remus said practically. "Remember how long it took us to enchant Snape enough to change his attitude? It would take all night!"

"Not Cheering Charms." Sirius bust in, his eyes sparkling. "Some kind of personality-altering spell. I've read about some that make you act the opposite of your usual personality. If we did something like that, we might be able to put it in their food and infect them all at once!"

"Ooh, and could we change their food to pumpkin at the same time?" Peter asked hopefully.

"Why not?" Sirius said magnanimously, flinging his arms wide. "I tell you, this will be our greatest prank ever!"

"Until next year, at least!" James added cheerfully.

"Well, I think we know what we need to do, then." Remus said. The others looked at him curiously. "We'll need to do research on spells that might work for us, so that means a trip to the Library. And someone will need to figure out how to enchant all of the Slytherins' food, without affecting anyone else's. Also, we'll need to make ourselves look completely innocent, so perhaps a distraction of some kind that will take suspicion off of us? Lastly, if you're really set on the pumpkin thing, Peter, you need to find a spell to take care of that." He sat back a bit, and the others stared blankly at him.

"Right, we all knew that." James said, but he sounded as if, in fact, he had not given a moment's thought to any of the necessary preparations. "So, Peter takes care of the pumpkin, Sirius can handle creating a distraction-" Here Sirius smirked wickedly, and rubbed his hands together- "I'll figure out how to get their food enchanted. Right, guess that only leaves the research for you, Remus!" Remus rolled his eyes- they all knew that researching the spells was Remus' particular specialty, and he did not fully understand why the others were so anxious to escape the task. It didn't matter, as they all had a great deal to take care of. Fortunately for them, it was a Saturday, and they had no classes to interrupt their mischief-making. Remus spent several hours in the Library, and found the perfect spell; it would drastically change the person's personality for thirty minutes before fading, and, best of all, could be applied to food. James, meanwhile, had snuck into the kitchen, managing somehow to do so without being seen or caught, and reported that they could enchant only the Slytherins' food before the Feast from in the kitchen. Sirius had planned a distraction consisting mainly of things that could be blown up; Remus was firm with him about not using Dungbombs, however- "Think, Sirius, you won't be able to taste anything properly with an awful stench like that hanging around," and he decided to stick with simple firecrackers. Peter had been working diligently as well, and located a time-delayed spell that would change food to pumpkins. 

The Feast finally arrived; James snuck into the kitchen beforehand and cast both spells on the Slytherins' food before joining the others for the Feast. Everything went exactly as planned; the fireworks went off spectacularly, and Dumbledore made a good show of appearing completely blind as to who the culprits were. "No, Minerva, I'm quite sure I didn't see who might have lit those, and I'm certain no-one else saw, either."

Precisely on time, the boys began to hear snatches of laughter and song rising from the Slytherin table, where before there had been quiet, dignified talk and secretive whispers. Looking over, they saw the happiest, wildest lot of Slytherins they had ever encountered. They sang and danced, had a food fight among themselves, and strangest of all, openly expressed their fondness for all Gryffindors! To Peter's disappointment, they did not even seem to mind all of their food become pumpkins. In fact, the four boys were rather dismayed by the unexpected outcome of their prank; instead of being humiliated, the Slytherins were having more fun than anyone else. Sirius, quite disgruntled, suggested leaving, but Remus stopped him.

"No, wait- it's about to wear off." And wear off it did- and the Slytherins were left staring at each other, all covered in food and hearing the laughter of all of the rest of the houses. Their faces flushed, and instead of laughter, roars of rage began to rise through the great Hall. Satisfied, Sirius sat back with a smirk on his face. All in all, the prank had worked very well, Remus thought, feeling quite satisfied. Walking back to Gryffindor Tower that night, though, Remus became separated from his friends in the crowd, and suddenly felt himself being pulled aside, into a side corridor. Staring angrily at him, dressed in pumpkin-stained robes, was his brother Romulus. Romulus was in his seventh and final year, and was a Slytherin prefect.

"Very funny, Remus." His brother said coldly. "Ever so funny. Bet you and your friends are very pleased with yourselves, aren't you?" Remus merely shrugged; he was not going to lie to his brother, any lie would just make him angrier, but he had nothing to say in response to Romulus' question. "Life's all just fun and games for you, isn't it, Remus? Who can you pull childish pranks on, how many Gryffindors does it take to make a Slytherin run away, and aren't you just so clever!" Romulus was furious, and Remus could not understand why.

"It was a joke, Romulus. No-one got hurt, and even you Slytherins had fun for a while!"

"This is _not_ a joke, Remus!" Romulus shook him, but not violently. "Don't you understand? You cannot afford to be making people angry with you, you should know that! There are people in Slytherin House with very powerful connections; if they become angry enough with you, they will begin looking for any way they can find to hurt you. They would be able to get access to information about you that you would rather they did not have!" His brother's eyes were angry, and perhaps somewhat worried. Remus could not understand why Romulus was behaving this way; Romulus had hated him for so long- why would he try to warn him of danger.

"I understand that, Romulus, and I suppose you're right. I hadn't been thinking of that. But it won't matter for very long now, because - because my friends are close to figuring it out, and then I'll have to leave anyway, so it really doesn't matter. But why are you helping me?"

Romulus tried to laugh, but it didn't sound like he found anything amusing. "Helping you? No, if they find out my brother is a - well, is what you are, they'll kill me for not telling them!" His face softened a little, almost imperceptibly, and he suddenly sighed. "All right, yes, I'm also trying to help you somewhat, because I don't want to see that happen to you. Like I told you, I never wanted any of this to happen to you; I couldn't help you before- I know, I made it worse, much worse for you. But you see, I was only 11 when it happened, and then I hated seeing what was happening to you. And Uncle Romulus told me how bad it must really be for you, and that you would be better off dead, and I thought he wanted to help you, but-" Romulus stopped talking, obviously fighting not to become emotional. "Anyway, that doesn't matter now. Now I can help you, though, if you'll listen to me. Transfer to Slytherin- I'm sure Dumbledore would let you, if I explained the situation fully. They don't pry into anyone's business there, and you'll be able to finish your education."

"Slytherin? But- but what about my friends?" Remus shook his head slightly, unwilling to think of transferring, abandoning his friends. 

"Look, Remus, you're going to lose them no matter what, and you know that. Forget them, and save yourself. If you don't finish your education, you've got no hope of ever getting a job, Remus. You have to look out for yourself." Romulus looked around; all of the other students had moved on long ago. "Let me help you this one time, Remus. Come talk to me when you're ready." He put his hand lightly on Remus' shoulder for a moment, before fading away into the darkness, and Remus was left standing alone, completely and utterly confused. 


	15. Darganfyddiad

_ Disclaimer: Haven't we done this before? Oh well. I claim nothing, make nothing - you don't sue, OK? Right!_

_ Alright gang, here it is! You've been awfully patient, and for that I thank you - you would not believe how many dozens of papers I've had to write since I last updated. University's killer, I'll tell you, but I love it. As a reward for your patience, I present The Chapter that has Haunted Lone One's Waking and Sleeping for Almost a Year Now. Otherwise known as (Welsh Word of the Day), Darganfyddiad. Anyone know what that means, eh? No? Discovery! Yep, that's right, this is the big one. It's taken me a long time to write, but I'm happy with the results, for the most part. I'm not certain yet whether I'm taking the story any farther than this; I have lots of other ideas that fit in here and there in the future, and I'd like to work more with the Marauders, Lily, and Romulus (I'd really like to figure the guy out). Anyway, not sure yet, but I'll let you know at some point. :) I really hope you enjoy this one. ~Lone One. _

Sirius woke from a deep sleep, to the sounds of Peter yelling loudly -sounded more like squealing, Sirius thought grumpily. Apparently, from the indistinct words he could make out in Peter's angry squawks, James had thought that waking Peter up by dumping a large amount of icy water on his head would make an excellent start to their last day of classes before Christmas break. It was the 18th of December, and the last day of the term; the Hogwarts Express would be taking them all home for their Christmas Breaks the very next day. Fortunately for Sirius, he was going to be staying with James the entire break; while he and his family had never gotten along overly well, ever since he had been Sorted into Gryffindor, his relations with family members had grown considerably colder (always excepting Andromeda, of course, but he rarely saw her anymore). 

Of course, Sirius reflected, burying his head under two pillows, a coverlet and the nearest textbook he could reach, in hopes of drowning out the argument continuing between Peter and James, they would not all be leaving. They had discovered the day before, quite by accident, that Remus was staying at Hogwarts over the break. They had been shocked, to say the least; they had believed he was leaving with them, and a rather strange scene had ensued.

_"So holidays start in two days!"_ _Sirius crowed, grinning broadly as he collapsed into an armchair in front of the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room, his friends already seated comfortably already._

"_I can't wait for classes to be over" Peter agreed. "I've been working so hard, I could really use a break." The others looked him for a moment before they all broke out laughing; everyone knew that Peter did the bare minimum of work possible to keep up in his classes._

_ "So, any big plans for the break, Rem?" James asked. Remus looked up from the book he was currently reading - "How to Win Battles and Influence Dark Creatures" - and smiled quietly._

_ "No, not really. It will be a nice break from the work, though."_

_ "Looking forward to seeing your parents?" Sirius asked. "They're great, really they are. Tell them hello for me, would you?"_

_ "Ah, well-" Remus said hesitantly. "I'm not really going to be seeing them this break." At the surprised expressions of his friends, he continued. "They're out on some secret mission for Dumbledore right now, and it's not really safe, and they'll be busy during break. So, I'll just be staying here." Remus was perfectly calm about it, although he seemed sad that he would not be seeing his parents._

_ "What?" Sirius exclaimed. "You're staying here for the whole break? Remus, why didn't you say anything? You could have come with any of us!"_

_ "Don't worry about it." James put in calmly. "You'll just come with Sirius and me to my house, that's all. My parents won't mind a bit, and it'll be loads of fun." James smiled confidently, obviously sure he had solved all of Remus' problems._

_ "That's very kind of you, James, but I've already made arrangements to stay here. I'm sort of looking forward to the quiet, you know." Remus remained as calm as ever._

_ "Rem.." Sirius started, but was cut off._

_ "No. Thank you, guys, but I'm staying here. I have to be here over this break. Maybe some other time, James." And with that, Remus stood, gathered his books and his bag from next to his chair, smiled at his friends, and walked out of Gryffindor tower, presumably heading to the Library. _

Sirius frowned as he recalled the conversation; it just wasn't right for someone to be alone for Christmas! Since everyone else from Gryffindor was planning on leaving over break, Remus would be quite alone. Sirius found he didn't like to think of Gryffindor tower that empty- it didn't seem right for the tower, usually so noisy and full of life, to be occupied by only one small, quiet boy. Blast it, why wouldn't Remus come with them to the Potter's house? It would have been so much fun! 

The noises from outside Sirius' cocoon of pillows and blankets had finally subsided, and he risked peeking out from beneath his protective covering. Peter was sitting on the edge of his own bed, wet and sulking, while James was obviously considering sneaking up on Remus to try the same ice water trick to wake him. 

_Splash!_ James began to laugh again, loudly, as he threw water all over the sleeping Remus, who woke suddenly, and (thankfully, Sirius thought) quietly. He took in the scene before him without speaking, nodded his head once in James' direction, and reached for his wand. Before James could even stop laughing, Remus had levitated a full glass of water from beside James' bed, and upended it over James' head. James suddenly stopped laughing, dripping wet, and looked at himself in shock. Remus grinned, scooted himself to a dry section of his bed, and promptly went back to sleep, as his friends stared at him in amazement. Sirius broke the silence by laughing loudly, and Peter joined in, glad that James had received a taste of his own medicine.

Finally, a rather large amount of time later, the boys had all managed to dress and eat breakfast without further major incidents, and had managed to arrive barely in time for class. Their first class was Transfiguration, which pleased all of the boys except Peter - he was not one of Professor McGonagall's favorites. She seemed to think him rather talent-less, but worse, she was frustrated that he refused to put the effort into his work that she wished him to. She routinely spent long periods of classtime, while the students were supposed to be Transfiguring things, staring disapprovingly at Peter, until she shook her head sadly and moved on to another student. The others all greatly enjoyed the class, and thought McGonagall a good teacher, if rather strict. Nevertheless, they were all glad to finish their work and leave, glad to be done with the class until after break. 

The rest of their classes that day flew by as well, leaving them happily in the Common Room that evening, with no homework to be done. Seated in front of the fireplace again, the four boys enjoyed a quiet evening for once - Sirius had been voted down; his idea had been to spend the evening sneaking around the grounds (in James' invisibility cloak, but he hadn't mentioned that bit to Peter and Remus, as he had been sworn to secrecy by James on the matter) and look for "interesting things." However, Remus had expressed a desire to remain inside, as he was starting to feel ill - "probably just a cold, but I'd rather not make it worse, Sirius," and Peter had agreed quickly, probably due to his fear of the dark, and of the caretaker. Even James had abandoned him, saying that he did not want to go wandering outside when it was so very cold and wet. 

Sirius had sulked for a bit, but when Peter and James had struck up a game of chess, and Sirius and Remus were both curled up in armchairs, watching the game and reading, respectively, Sirius decided that he was in favor of a quiet evening for once. It was just so nice to spend time with one's best friends, especially in as nice a place as the Gryffindor Common Room. It was warm and cosy there, and seemed even nicer when contrasted with the cold and wind outside. Sirius looked down at James and Peter, arguing in a friendly way over their game; Peter was grinning broadly, glad to be beating James at something for once. James kept pushing his glasses up in frustration, and absentmindedly running his hands through his hair as he attempted to avoid losing his chessmen; his pieces were nearing mutiny, yelling at him shrilly as he lost every piece. Sirius looked over at Remus, reading again - or rather, not reading. Sirius looked carefully, and determined that Remus had fallen asleep, curled up comfortably in the squashy armchair he always preferred. He looked rather pale, and Sirius sighed; he would probably be ill again in the next few days, and have to spend a few days in the Infirmary. That was the way it usually went with Remus, and he couldn't figure it out. It frustrated Sirius to no end, being unable to find the answer to a problem that bothered him. 

"Alright, that's it." Sirius said, but not impatiently. It was nearly eleven o'clock, and while James and Peter looked as though they could continue playing until the end of the world, Sirius was ready for bed, and obviously Remus needed to go to bed as well. He dragged himself from his chair, and walked over to Remus's chair; placing a hand on Remus's shoulder, he shook him gently. "Wake up, Remus! C'mon, wake up -it's bedtime!"

James and Peter started laughing. "That's a reason to wake up - wouldn't want to miss going to bed!" James snorted. Sirius glared at him, and continued to shake Remus until the latter began to move. Remus yawned, stretched a bit, and looked quizzically at Sirius. 

"What is it? Why do I need to wake up? I was sleeping."

"Yeah, but you have to wake up now, Remus, or you'll miss going to bed and sleeping." Peter told him, straight-faced but attempting not to laugh. Remus merely nodded, and stood, heading towards the stairs. With goodnights said all around, Remus and Sirius went up the stairs silently, both yawning. Neither spoke as they got ready for bed, but Sirius was growing more curious and impatient as every moment went by, wondering what on earth was bothering Remus, and why he wouldn't say anything. Finally, he had had enough, and turned to his friend, who was kneeling by his trunk putting his books away for the night.

"Right, Remus, enough of this. I really want you to answer my questions this time, it's important, I know it is, and you've just got to tell me!" Remus looked up, startled, his eyes wide and frightened. _Why? _Sirius thought desperately. _Why should he be afraid to tell me something? What could be so wrong that he can't tell any of us?_

"W-what are you talking about, Sirius?" Remus asked, his voice still calm, but his face betrayed his fear.

"Why do you get sick so much? Why does your mum get sick all the time? Why can you go visit her when she gets sick, but not over Christmas break? What, in short, is wrong with you?" 

"Sirius, I've answered these questions dozens of times before, you know the answers."

"No, no I don't. All I know is what you've told me, and frankly, Rem, you're a pathetic liar. Your face goes all twitchy and pale when you lie to any of us - not to teachers, but to me and Petey and Jamie. You can't even lie about birthday presents without getting all weird, and you certainly can't lie about whatever is wrong with you. Come on, just tell me!"

"Sirius," Remus said, still quiet, still calm, "we've discussed this before. Can't you accept that this is something I _can't_ tell you about? Please, could you drop it?" But Sirius was insistent.

"No. This has gone on long enough. I'm your friend, Remus, and I don't appreciate being lied to. You're supposed to be able to trust your friends. Haven't we always trusted you with everything?"

"Yes, but that was different. Your secrets have always been about things like - like how to blow up Snape's potions, or who James has a crush on. This is not a joke, Sirius, it's bigger than you know, and I cannot tell you, I just can't!" Now Remus was upset, his face flushed, his eyes bright. His hands were clasped together tightly, wringing each other until his fingers were white and red. 

"Remus, come off it!" Sirius said, also getting upset. "Whatever it is can't be _that_ bad, honestly. I mean, if you've got some sort of disease you're embarrassed about or something, the world's not going to end if you tell us! We're not going to stop being your friends or anything! It's not like you're a - a werewolf or something!" Sirius had intended his werewolf comment to show Remus that there were things in life worse than whatever it was that bothered him, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. Remus turned white, and looked ready to faint. He stood from where he had been kneeling, and took a few shaky steps backwards, away from Sirius, until he was backed up against the wall.

"W-werewolf?" Remus' voice was a shaky as the rest of him, sounding choked and desperate. "And - and if I was, are you saying you wouldn't be friends with me anymore? Is that it?"

"What - er, well, what I meant was-" Sirius was lost for words, mumbling cluelessly. He had no idea why Remus was reacting this way, and was seriously worried his friend would have a heart attack if he kept on this way. "Remus..."

"And what do you know about werewolves?" Remus cried suddenly, stunning Sirius. Remus never yelled, never! "Only what Muerno taught in class, 'werewolves are monsters, Professor!'" His voice had taken on a harsh, mocking tone as he repeated the phrase, his face contorted with what? Rage? Grief? Sirius found he couldn't tell. "So if you were to meet a werewolf, a monster, what would you do? Kill it? What?" He was shaking fit to fly apart.

Sirius tried to move towards him, but Remus flinched away, moved along the wall out of Sirius' reach. Now Sirius was starting to get angry. "Well, that's what we've been taught, isn't it? Besides, I'm not trying to say you're a werewolf or anything, Rem, that would be ridiculous, I was just trying to make a point. Why are you so upset, anyway? Are you a closet supporter of the 'Dark Creatures Equal Rights Lobby" or something? This is ridiculous, you yelling at me- it's not like this even matters!"

"Doesn't matter?" Remus said quietly, darkly, his voice almost a growl. "Doesn't matter? Let me tell you a story, Sirius Black. Once there was a little boy named Aidan. When he was 10, he was bitten by a werewolf, and was infected with lycanthropy. So Aidan, who had done nothing wrong, was a werewolf himself now - one of those monsters you want dead. Aidan lived through every full moon, in pain, knowing that everyone hated him and would like to see him dead. He didn't get to go to school, although he had been supposed to go to Hogwarts. One full moon, when Aidan was only 15, he broke out of the place where he was locked when he transformed, and - and he bit someone else, another little boy. When the neighbors heard the next day, they were outraged. Everyone had liked Aidan, before they found out that he was really a monster in human disguise. The next full moon, several of the strongest, bravest wizards in the area broke into his hiding place and killed him, while he was still in wolf form." Now Remus was crying, tears streaming down his face silently as he continued the story. "The officials did nothing, merely wrote it up as an accidental death, and forgot about him. The other little boy who had been bitten and his family were forced to leave, because no-one wanted to be around another such monster. And you, Sirius Black, you can stand there and say that it doesn't matter, you can repeat the stories of monsters that Muerno fed you, but I knew Aidan. He was like an older brother to me, before they killed him, and I tell you, _it does matter_. Life's not as rosy and happy as you would like to see it, Sirius, and not all secrets can be told."

Sirius stood motionless. He knew his mouth was hanging open, and that he most likely looked like a Stunned fish, but he did not care at the moment. Remus, yelling? Remus, saying that life was not as happy as he, Sirius, saw it? Remus was the one who usually attempted to look at the bright spot in every situation. The two boys stared at each other for a moment, neither knowing what to say. Sirius cleared his throat nervously; Remus continued to cry, but without a sound. 

"Remus, I - I had no idea. I'm sorry, I-" Sirius had nothing to say. He put a hand out to Remus, hoping that somehow Remus would take it, that they could shake hands and everything would be alright. Remus stared at the hand for a moment in shock, then shook his head slowly, still looking as though he was about to fall apart, literally.

"No, I - don't, Sirius, I..." Remus could not stand still anymore, and dashed over to his four-postered bed, threw himself on it, and jerked the curtains shut all the way around. As Sirius stood, hand still outstretched, he could hear Remus sobbing from inside the curtains. As Sirius slowly collected himself, and lay down on his own bed, the heart-broken sobs continued, until it finally seemed that Remus had cried himself to sleep. Sirius felt truly awful, and had no idea what he was going to do about any of the mess he had created. 

After the room had been silent for about an hour, Peter and James having come up and gone to sleep almost directly after Remus had fallen asleep, without hearing any of what had gone on, Sirius rose silently from his bed. He tiptoed over to Remus' bed, and carefully pulled back the nearest curtain; he had to be certain that nothing else had happened to Remus, as silly as that thought seemed to Sirius. Remus had indeed fallen asleep, curled up in a miserable little ball around his pillow, which almost looked larger than the boy. His cheeks were still streaked with tears, and even in the dim light, Sirius could see that his face looked miserably sad, as though someone had indeed broken his heart. Sirius cursed himself silently, feeling like the lowest person on earth. Carefully, he grabbed the edge of Remus' coverlet and pulled it up over his friend, who was shivering slightly in his sleep. Sirius tucked the blanket around his friend, hoping not to wake him, and then let the curtain fall, returning to his own bed. It took him a long time, but Sirius finally slept. 

The next morning dawned cold and clear, but Sirius did not wake until about fifteen minutes before the three second year boys had to leave for the train.

"You were sleeping, and you always yell at us when we wake you up, so we thought we should let you sleep, even though James said that sleeping was all you would do all break, but I brought you some toast because you missed breakfast, and do you know where Remus is because we can't find him to say goodbye and _come on_, Sirius, the train'll leave without us!" Peter's opening monologue was a bit more than Sirius could handle the first thing in the morning, and so he scarfed the toast as he hurried to dress; his trunk had already disappeared, as he was taking it with him to James' house over the break. 

"Wait, where's Remus?" Sirius asked suddenly, as Peter and James were attempting to shove him out of the Common Room, on their way to the train.

"We told you, we don't know! He was gone before we woke up this morning, and we haven't seen him!" James said, poking Sirius with his wand. "Move it! We're going to be late!" 

"But I have to talk to him, you don't understand!" Sirius protested, but he couldn't hold out against both of his friends.

"You can owl him when we get off the train, Sirius, now come on!" Finally, Sirius acquiesced, and the three ran for the train, and barely made it on time. Having had only a few hours of sleep, Sirius was exhausted, and spent much of the trip asleep, while James and Peter continued their chess tournament from the night before. Sirius was deeply disturbed by the events of the night, and couldn't help thinking that he was missed something important.

When they finally reached Kings Cross Station, the three got off of the train slowly, and James and Sirius said goodbye to Peter right away, as his family was waiting to meet him right away. The Potters showed up shortly after, and in the busy hugging and fussing and transporting of trunks, Sirius had little time to think about anything until they had reached the Potter's house, where they spent the rest of the afternoon and evening alternately eating and talking. James and Sirius were full of stories of the fun they had shared at Hogwarts, and James' parents were eager to hear everything, and not afraid to share tips on making mischief there. By the time they were ready for bed, Sirius was feeling considerably better than he had that morning. In fact, Sirius was considering how very nice it was to just spend some time with James again. He liked Peter and Remus a great deal, but James had been his best friend for years, and it was nice to spend time with just James and the Potters, who had practically adopted him. 

Although he had no trouble falling asleep, Sirius' night was anything but peaceful. He dreamed of a dark forest, lit only by the cold white light of the moon - the full moon. In his dream, he and James and another boy, all of them small, ran through the woods, laughing and chasing each other, the light creating mysterious patterns on the tree trunks and the cold ground beneath them. Sirius knew, in his dream, that they were not supposed to be there - the adults were yelling for them to come back, but the boys just laughed, and ran on, farther into the woods. The forest became darker and thicker as they ran, but all three knew the area well - hadn't they played there every summer, splashing in the little stream that ran beside them, climbing the smallest of the trees? Hadn't they piled the leaves high when they fell in the autumn, and built themselves castles and fortresses of the dead leaves? The three ran on; it was cold, obviously winter, but the boys ran so fast that they kept themselves warm. James' glasses flashed in the light, his grin bright and carefree. The other boy's hair was light brown, and his eyes shone brightly as he laughed with the others, as happy and careless as his friends. 

And then something changed. Suddenly, it was not their parents they were running from, but a monster. Something was chasing them, coming closer behind them; Sirius ran faster. The monster behind them growled, and the boys would have screamed, but they didn't have the breath to waste. 

"Quick!" James shouted to the others. "Climb up a tree, now!" Sirius and James both started to climb furiously, sure they would be safe if they could reach a branch above the monster's reach. The other boy was smaller than they were, however, and though he tried to climb, he couldn't reach any branch low enough to give himself a boost. Seeing this, James and Sirius both cried out - the monster was getting closer, louder, it's growls more frightening than ever. With a quick glance at each other, James and Sirius both hurried back down from their trees, running back to the other boy. His face was pale in the moonlight, his eyes unnaturally wide in terror. 

Sirius realized they would all be killed, and shook uncontrollably; he couldn't help but whisper in terror "help us! Someone please help us!" But no help came. The monster finally came into view - a wolf. As tall as the little boys, wide and grey, with bright eyes and sharp teeth, it was a monster from anyone's nightmares. It slowed as it saw them, and bared its teeth in a terrifying approximation of a smile as it advanced slowly. Sirius and James, standing slightly in front of the other boy, both screamed in terror; the other boy seemed to frightened even to breathe. 

The wolf approached, was almost on them, and Sirius heard a scream - "No! Go away! James, Sirius!" The littlest boy screamed, flinging his hands up in front of him as if to ward off the beast - and then it was gone, and so was the boy, and only he and James remained - but now they were standing on the front steps of a house that Sirius knew belonged to his own parents. And James and Sirius stared at each other, and screamed.

Sirius woke suddenly to find himself lying in a cold sweat in the Potter's guest bedroom, the room he always used when he visited. Shaking himself, he stood and moved to the window, trying to forget his dream; somehow, though, it didn't really feel like a dream, but more like -like a memory. Sirius shook his head, trying to clear it of the disturbing images. If it had been a memory, why couldn't he remember it as more than a dream? And if he and James had been there, who was the other boy? And where had he and the wolf gone? Sirius drew back the curtains and looked outside; the sky was bright and clear, and lit by the moon, which was almost completely full, like the moon in his dream-

The moon in his dream had been full. The wolf that had come so close to killing them - what if it had not been a wolf, but a werewolf? Sirius felt as though he was being pelted in the head by Bludgers as his ideas came fast and furious. If it had been a werewolf, on the night of the full moon, it would explain why the adults had been screaming for them so frantically - they would have known the danger. And the other boy - Sirius closed his eyes and thought hard, trying to recall the face of the boy. Brown hair, light eyes in a pale face, the look of terror at the approach of the wolf - _Remus! _

Sirius sat down on his bed with a thump. It had been Remus in his dream, a much younger Remus, but he was certain of it. What if -what if it wasn't just a dream? What if it had actually happened? He and James had somehow gotten away, but what if Remus hadn't? That wolf- werewolf- would have torn him to pieces! But assuming it hadn't, assuming he had survived, he would almost certainly have been bitten, and that would make Remus a werewolf. Sirius felt sick. It all made sense- far too much sense. Remus' disappearances, his reaction the previous night, his appearance after disappearing, the way the teachers treated him - it all made sense, falling into place like pieces in a gruesome, tragic puzzle. Suddenly Sirius could no longer stand keeping the ideas to himself; he jumped to his feet and dashed to James' room.

"James! Come on, wake up James, this is important, wake up! James!" Sirius was almost crying as he frantically tried to wake his friend. James finally grunted, and rolled over, looking blearily in Sirius' general direction; without his glasses, he could see very little. 

"Sirius, what? Why do you have to wake me up now?"

"It's Remus - I think I know what's wrong with him, but Jamie, please tell me I'm wrong!"

James sat up, put on his glasses, and looked seriously at Sirius. "OK, so tell me." 

Quickly, Sirius told him about the dream, and about Remus' explosion the night before, and about how he reached his awful conclusion. As James realized that the symptoms all fit, he turned white as well, and looked ill. Finally, Sirius fell silent, and James climbed out of bed and grabbed a small calendar from his desk, which was almost completely covered with junk. Flipping through it quickly, he became progressively more upset, until he finally threw it down on the bed and sat down suddenly on the floor beside the bed, and put his head in his hands.

"They all match." He said, his voice rough and quiet. "Every time Remus goes away, it's a full moon. Merlin, Sirius, Remus is a werewolf." The two sat in silence for a few minutes, there being, in fact, nothing to say.

"Well, now what?" Sirius finally asked, when he couldn't bear the silence any longer. "Now what?" 

"Well, Dumbledore must already know, and he let Remus come to Hogwarts anyway. And I suppose the teachers all know as well. I don't know, Sirius, I really don't know what we're supposed to do."

"Do you think - well, do you suppose there's any way we were actually there, the way I dreamed? I don't know, but it was so real, James!"

"I don't know." James was quiet and subdued; when he raised his head, it looked as though he had been burdened by the weight of the world. His face was worried and more serious than Sirius had ever seen it before; he suspected that if he looked in a mirror, he would see the exact same thing on his own face. And the two sat in silence, staring out the window at the moon.

"It's not full tonight, is it?" Sirius asked after a while. "I mean, he's not - not tonight?"

"No." James said. "Tomorrow. It's full tomorrow, and that means that they'll take him away to wherever he goes, and then he'll be alone, and he'll turn into a raging wolf and-" James' voice was choked off by tears, and he buried his head in the side of his bed and wept silently. Sirius felt his own throat grow tight, and he couldn't stop the tears from coming to his own eyes either; he didn't really know what he was crying for, whether for Remus or for James and himself, bearing the weight of the knowledge, or for their perfect friendship, which suddenly seemed years past. Neither of the boys spoke again that night, but neither of them slept, either.

"James! Sirius! Time to get up - breakfast is ready!" Mrs. Potter's voice drifted up the stairs, and the boys jumped, coming back to reality with a start. A moment later, when neither of them had moved or responded, James' mother came into James' room to check on him. "What - Sirius, what are you doing in here? And you two look awful - haven't you slept? You look as though your best friend had died!"

"He as good as has!" Sirius cried, trying hard not to start crying again. James didn't respond at all, still staring out into space. Mrs. Potter looked shocked, and moved closer to them, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to James, and put an arm around each boy.

"What's this? How about explaining it to me?' In choked voices, and with a few tears, the boys told her about their suspicions about Remus. When they had finished, her face was sad and worried, and all she said was "Come with me, you two. Downstairs. We need to talk." Wiping their faces on their sleeves, the boys followed her. When they reached the kitchen, she gently pushed each of them into a chair, and set plates of food in front of them. They ate mechanically, not even noticing that they were doing so. James' mother left the kitchen silently, and returned with his father; they both joined the boys at the table, but did not eat anything.

"Your mother tells me you have some concerns about Remus Lupin." Mr. Potter said quietly. "She says that you have discovered that he has lycanthropy." James and Sirius nodded dully, and both pushed their plates away. "We knew that already, but we did not feel that it would be beneficial for you to know."

"What? Why?" James exploded. "You didn't think I needed to know that a friend was a - had a -was a werewolf? I told you we were worried about him, I told you he was sick, and you just said it was regrettable!"

"James, Remus was bitten when he was a very little boy. It was not his fault, and there was nothing that could be done about it. It would have done no good to tell you - there was nothing you could have done about it anyway, and we didn't think you needed to deal with this at your age." Mrs. Potter smiled sadly at the boys as she explained, but neither of them was in the mood to smile back.

"I suppose that you deserve the whole story now." James' father said. "When you two were born, we lived right here, as we do now; Sirius' family still lived across the street," Sirius shuddered, "and the Lupin family lived just down the road. The three of you boys grew up together, and were best friends, even though Remus was a year younger than either of you. He would often come and stay with us here when his parents were called away on Auror business, and he was something of a little brother to both of you."

"He was such a sweet child, never any trouble at all." Mrs. Potter said sadly, tears forming in her own eyes. Mr. Potter took her hand gently, and continued his story.

"On your fifth birthday, Sirius, Remus' fourth, the Lupins had a party for both of you, and the three of you were to spend the night at Remus' house. Unfortunately, you all decided it would be more fun to run away into the woods - on the night of the full moon. By the time anyone noticed you had disappeared, we couldn't find you; we searched desperately, until the two of you showed up suddenly on the Black's steps, screaming your heads off. By the time we found Remus, it was almost too late to save him; he spent two months in St. Mungo's, and they were shocked that he lived. It seems that Remus' first occurrence of magic served to throw you two away from danger, and sent you back to safety - powerful magic, especially for such a young boy. When he was healed, the Lupins had to move away quickly; the community would not stand for another werewolf in their midst, not after the last accident."

"Aidan." Sirius muttered quietly. "Remus told me something about a werewolf named Aidan - he was the one who bit Remus, wasn't he? And they killed him?" The Potters nodded sadly, and Sirius slammed his fist down on the tabletop, making the plates jump. 

"Yes, we couldn't get anyone to see reason. The Lupins disappeared, and we heard nothing about any of them until you went to Hogwarts and returned with news of Remus. Isn't it rather strange that you all became such good friends again?"

"Wait." James said sternly. "If all of this is true, why don't we remember any of it? I have no memories of Remus before meeting him on the Hogwarts Express."

"Well, I'm afraid that one is at least partially Mr. Black's fault." Mrs. Potter said. "Afterwards, he insisted that Sirius have no memories of the events of that night, or indeed of Remus at all. He persuaded us that it would be better for both of you to not remember that night, or Remus - we didn't think you would ever see him again. Perhaps we were mistaken, but we wanted to do what was best for you, and we didn't think that letting our five year old suffer nightmares every night, and have to mourn for his friend, was the best course of action. We had an expert perform the Memory Charms on you both, to avoid problems, and we all were very upset about Remus, but we really thought we would never hear about him again - the Lupins wanted to disappear as much as possible."

Sirius and James sat in silence for a few minutes, thinking about everything they had learned. James spoke first.

"What about Remus? I mean, we learned about werewolves in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Remus isn't anything like what Muerno said! He's not bloodthirsty or sneaky or conniving or out to kill humans or anything! He's been our friend since we started at Hogwarts, and we've always trusted him."

"And I suppose he figured that if he told us, we wouldn't trust him anymore, or be his friends." Sirius added quietly. He looked up, and looked straight at James. "I have to tell you, James, I've been wondering what we're going to do now. I mean yes, he's been our friend, but what if Muerno's right? And what if something happens? Accidents do, sometimes - you didn't see him the other night when he was angry with me - he was scary, James!" James looked at him, angry himself.

"And what are you suggesting, Sirius? Do you think we should abandon him because of what he is? It was partially our fault that he got bitten in the first place; if we abandon him now, what kind of friends are we?" Sirius flushed, and shook his head.

"No, you're right. I was just thinking aloud. We need to talk to him, though- let him know that we still like him, still want to be his friends." James nodded in agreement, and looked at his parents.

"How do we get to Hogwarts today?"

"Today?" Mr. Potter looked surprised. "Why the rush?"

"Because the full moon is tonight." Sirius said firmly. "We need to talk to him before he - before he has to go through it. We have to tell him today." The Potters nodded understandingly, and Mrs. Potter looked thoughtful.

"I'll have to make inquiries, but we may be able to Floo directly to Hogwarts. It's not usually permitted, but Dumbledore may make an exception in your case. In the meantime, I think the two of you need to go and take naps - you're both dead on your feet, and you won't do Remus any good if you can't stay awake to talk to him. Go on now!" She shooed the boys away, but James stopped before leaving the kitchen.

"I want my memories restored." James said firmly. "If you got an expert to put the Memory Charm on, they are required by law to leave a way for the effects to be removed. I want to remember everything." Sirius nodded in agreement, and the Potters looked at each other. 

"You'll have to let us look into that one as well, dear. Now go on - we'll wake you when we have answers for you." The two boys finally left, each going to his own room, where they fell asleep quickly. They were woken in the mid-afternoon; James' father told them to come back downstairs to talk everything over.

An elderly woman stood downstairs, and smiled at them when they appeared.

"Ah, and here they are, the little loves! You've grown so much, I would hardly know you!"

"This is Estamilla, who put the Memory Charms on you to begin with. She has agreed to undo them for you, if you're certain that is what you want." James and Sirius both nodded, and sat down in the chairs provided for them. Estamilla was quick and efficient, and within a few moments, the boys were beginning to sense the Memory Charms lifting.

"You'll want to be careful there, loves." She told them gently. "These are some powerful memories you're getting back, and ye don't want to upset yourselves." The Potters paid her and thanked her, and she left; James and Sirius were still sitting quietly as the memories rushed back. 

Sirius found himself recalling scenes with his parents that had disappeared; when he was very small, they had been much more kind and caring, certain that their little Sirius would grow to be the pride of the Black family. He remembered playing with James when they were very small, riding their first brooms, playing with the Black's house-elves. He remembered some of their first meetings with Remus, a happy toddler; the three had been virtually inseparable. By the time he reached the memories of his fifth birthday, a wide grin had spread over Sirius' face as he remembered what mischievous children they had been. He found that his memories of the awful night in the forest were almost the same as those he had seen in his dream; he could only suppose that the Memory Charm had slipped, somehow, allowing him to dream his memories. Beside him, James was having worse reactions to the traumatic memories of the night Remus had been bitten; he was pale and looked frightened. It took both of the boys a few hours to adjust their minds - it was very strange, recovering several years of lost memories in a matter of minutes. 

By the time they were back to normal, the afternoon was wearing away. James hurriedly asked his parents if they had found a way for the boys to return to Hogwarts.

"We've spoken to Dumbledore, and he has given you permission to Floo directly into the fireplace in Gryffindor Tower. You can go at once, and just keep us informed of everything. If you need any help, please let us know- and do see if you can't convince Remus to come and spend the rest of the Christmas break here. We would love to see him again!" 

The Potters gave the boys a generous amount of Floo Powder, and they made their way to the fireplace, where they looked nervously at each other. They hadn't actually considered what to tell Remus, but they expected that he would respond badly, considering how hard he had worked to keep his secret. With a deep breath, Sirius threw his Floo Powder into the flames, stepped in, and yelled "Gryffindor Tower!" He enjoyed traveling by Floo, and stepped out into the Common Room with very little fuss. James followed right behind him, and they looked around the Common Room. It was completely empty, and looked desolate.

"Where do you suppose he is?" James whispered; somehow, it seemed wrong to speak aloud in the quiet room. Sirius shrugged, and led the way towards their dorm room. They thrust the door open carefully, and looked in. Remus was there, sound asleep on his bed, looking even more haggard and exhausted than he had the last time they had seen him. The two looked at each other, and then moved over to stand beside his bed. Sirius put out a hand, and gently shook Remus' shoulder.

"Hey, Rem? Time to wake up!" Sirius spoke gently, but Remus reacted strongly, sitting bolt upright and throwing off his hand. He looked at them for a moment, confusion clouding his gaze.

"James? Sirius? What are you doing here? You left for break yesterday!" Remus rubbed a tires hand across his pale face as he stared at his friends.

"Yes, well, we thought we'd come back to bug you!" James said jovially, although it sounded hollow and forced to Sirius. "You can't get rid of us that easily, and besides, you never said goodbye. We had to come back."

"Actually, Remus," Sirius began, feeling ill again, "we came back because we really needed to talk to you." At that, Remus began to look worried and stood up, and frowned. James didn't let him speak, though, and jumped in, speaking quickly. 

"Look Remus, we've figured it out - actually, Sirius did, he remembered - and well, my parents told us the details, and we should have seen it before, really we should..." Remus, by this time, had gone as white as a sheet, and had backed up until his back was firmly against the wall. His eyes were wide and panicked, and he was looking from one of his friends to the other, practically begging them to tell him that they were not talking about what he feared. Sirius wished they could just get it over with - he hated seeing Remus so scared.

"What he's trying to say, Rem, is that we know that you - that you're a werewolf." At that, Remus seemed to collapse, his knees buckling beneath him. He slid to the floor, buried his head in his hands, and bent in two, his head obscured by his knees. James and Sirius looked at each other in alarm, and rushed over to Remus. He was sobbing silently, his slight body wracked by sobs. James and Sirius tried to tell him all of the comforting things they meant to share with him, to let him know they were still his friends, but it was obvious that the could not hear them; he seemed to be in a state of shock. Finally, they ended up sitting on either side of him, waiting for him to calm down; it took a long time. When his silent sobs finally stopped, he did not lift his head or look at either of them. After a long pause, however, he said quietly, brokenly,

"I - I suppose I'll speak to Professor Dumbledore tomorrow. I've been told I may transfer to Slytherin, but if you would prefer, I can just leave Hogwarts all together. I think - I suppose I shouldn't have come - I knew it would never last, but I wanted - I just wanted to be normal." Here, his self-control faltered again, and his shoulder shook with barely repressed sobs. "I just wanted to thank you for - for being my friends. You'll never know how much that meant to me." Before either of them had a chance to react, Remus shot to his feet and bolted from the room, the door slamming behind him. Sirius swore, and they picked themselves up, and gave chase.

Remus was awfully fast when he ran, and he had a head start on them; also, they had no idea where he was running. Consequently, they lost him completely, and ended up searching every place they could think to look for him. Finally, they stopped, panting for breath, in front of a large window that looked out on the grounds. Sirius, gazing out the window, gave a small shout of excitement.

"Look, there he is! Jamie, look!" James looked where Sirius was pointing, and saw a familiar little figure heading across the grounds, accompanied by Madam Pomfrey. The two approached the Whomping Willow, where the matron did something that apparently froze the fierce tree where it stood. Remus turned to her, appearing to hold a conversation for a while, before ducking away, out of sight, disappearing somewhere among the roots of the great tree. As they watched, the tree came back to life, and Madam Pomfrey began to walk back to the castle. James and Sirius both looked up at the sky, which was almost completely dark.

"Must be almost time for moonrise." James noted quietly. Sirius nodded his agreement. "So I guess that's where they put him, then, when he's transformed - under the Willow! That's amazing!" Sirius nodded again, not feeling up to doing much more.

"So now what do we do, James?" He asked. "Should we just wait until he gets back, and talk to him then?" James thought, then made a suggestion.

"Maybe we should take my Invisibility Cloak, and hide out in the Infirmary. That must be where they take him -you know, after. Then we'll know right away when he gets back, and we can talk to him. Maybe he'll listen better then." Sirius nodded in agreement.

Hours later, as the morning approached, the two were woken where they slept, hidden, in the Infirmary, by Madam Pomfrey, who bustled around for a few moments around the last bed in the ward, then left the room again. The two knew that she must be leaving to get Remus and bring him back, and moved to better position, near the last bed, so they would be able to see. It took the nurse a very long time to return; when she did, she was preceded by a floating stretcher, upon which Remus lay, covered by a warm blanket. 

Remus looked awful, paler than they had ever seen him, and covered with blood. The matron was flustered and near tears, and kept muttering about it being "the worst yet." When Remus was transferred to the bed, unconscious, Madam Pomfrey set to work healing him, quickly and efficiently. She set several obviously broken bones, healed the largest, deepest gashes first, and worked on the large knot on Remus' forehead, likely the cause of his unconscious state. His friends watched in horror as the matron healed the innumerable cuts and gashes all over Remus' body, some created by claws and others by huge, razor-sharp teeth. James and Sirius were both dismayed and shocked at the sheer numbers and the fierceness of the wounds; neither could move or speak. After a great deal of work, Madam Pomfrey had finally finished her work, and Remus lay still, bandaged and bruised, but no longer lacerated. The matron finally left her patient, with one last soft touch to the forehead, and then the three were alone. 

Sirius swallowed hard, and moved out from under the cloak. They were hidden from view by the tall white curtains surrounding the bed, so unless they made loud noises, they should not be disturbed by the nurse. James followed, and they both approached Remus' bed. Before they mad e a sound, he twitched, moaned softly, and opened his eyes. They were bleary with exhaustion and pain, or at least the memory of pain, but filled with something like horror when he took note of his friends. He tried to sit up, but James pushed him back gently, hoping not to hurt him. He slumped back on the pillows, looking drained, and Sirius put a finger to his mouth, indicating that they ought to be quiet.

"Remus, can you listen to us this time?" James whispered, his eyes dark with concern. Remus nodded tiredly, his face radiating abject misery. _He still thinks we're going to abandon him_, Sirius thought, and grabbed hold of Remus' un-bandaged hand.

"Rem, you're our friend. You're smart and kind and caring, and you keep us from getting our necks wrung more often than they are. We are _not_ about to give up on you just because you happen to be a werewolf." James nodded vehemently in agreement, and Remus' face began to show some hope for the first time.

"You - you mean it? You really don't hate me?"

"Hate you! We'd cover our heads in grease, transfer to Slytherin and pretend to be Snape's long-lost twins - er, triplets- first! We're a group- we're a pack, Remus. We're your pack, and we're not going to abandon you, not for anything, and certainly not for this. Besides, it was partly our fault anyway, and if you hadn't saved us, we'd have been werewolves too, or worse, dead." James was serious now, so the broken, rasping laugh that Remus emitted came as a surprise to him - he hadn't been trying to be funny.

"Better a werewolf than dead? No. It's a thousand times worse, believe me. And don't ever say it's your fault again, understand? It's not - I was the one who was so stupid, and it's my own fault." His face was bitter now, and sad beyond his years. "It's not your fault that people are prejudiced, or that I can't help tearing myself to shreds every full moon. None of it's your fault." Now he was near tears, but kept talking. "I never expected that you would be able to accept me - no-one else ever has, and I figured that as soon as you found out, you'd hate me, and I'd lose your friendship - again." Finally unable to control himself any longer, Remus allowed tears to fall, but they were tears of joy now. He smiled waterily at James and Sirius. "I'm sorry, I'm a real watering pot, aren't I?"

"Don't worry about it!" Sirius said cheerfully. "You should have seen the two of us last night, bawling like a bunch of spoilt babies! Although I blame the onions James' mother had been peeling," Sirius added conspiratorially. James smacked him on the shoulder.

"She had peeled those over six hours earlier, you idiot!" Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, and grinned at Remus. 

"So, ready to go home for Christmas?" He asked, still grinning. At Remus' look of confusion, he explained. "You're coming back to the Potters' house with us, as soon as we can get you out of here. Someone once told me that no-one should be alone at Christmas, and that includes silly, self-abasing little werewolves who don't know that they can trust their friends! The Potters want you to come, and we're not leaving without you, so you have to say yes."

"Well, how's that for blackmail?" Remus asked drily, but he looked happy nonetheless. "But it might not be for a while; I hurt myself fairly badly, and Madam Pomfrey -"

"Will have no difficulties in letting you leave immediately." The soft, kind voice startled all of them, and they spun around to see Albus Dumbledore smiling at them, his eyes twinkling merrily at them. "You see, Remus, I knew that James and Sirius were coming to visit; James' parents told me about their discovery, and that their Memory Charms had been lifted. I've already spoken to Poppy, and you are to be transferred to the Potters' care as soon as possible. Your trunk has already been packed and transported to their house, and as soon as you are able to withstand the journey by Floo, you may leave." 

"There, see?" James crowed, exultant. "When can you go?"

"Now." Remus said firmly, and sat up slowly. "I want to go now."

With assistance, Remus made his way to the fireplace; James left first, to be ready to catch Remus at the end, if need be. Remus looked up at Dumbledore, and smiled happily. "Thank you so much sir, for everything!" Dumbledore smiled back, and placed a gentle hand on Remus' shoulder for a moment, and then stepped back. Remus left via Floo, and Sirius followed directly on his heels, emerging to see James supporting an extremely shaky Remus. They yelled loudly for James' parents, who came running into the room. When she saw Remus, Mrs. Potter gasped loudly, and knelt down, embracing him.

"Remus, dear, it's so good to see you again! But dear, you look terrible - should you really have Flooed over here so soon?" Remus smiled gently at her.

"I wanted to be with a family again, and as mine is unavailable, there's no-one I would rather be with than your family." Mrs. Potter and James assisted him to the bedroom they had prepared for him, and he was soon in bed, and drifting swiftly towards sleep. As Sirius looked in to check on his friend, he was struck by the thought that he had never seen Remus look so peaceful or happy before; it was a comforting thought to know that he could still be so content after everything that had happened. 

While Remus slept, the others worked furiously to prepare a surprise for him; when he next woke, Sirius watched with a grin as he met first his father's, then his mother's gaze. _Yes_, Sirius thought, watching his friend's gleeful meeting with his parents, _we are a pack. Maybe not exactly Remus' pack, but our own pack. We are a pack though, and we'll be together, like this, forever. Remus'll be alright -we'll make certain of it._ James came to stand beside him, and they shared soppy grins; Mr. and Mrs. Potter came up behind them, and placed their arms over both boys' shoulders, and Sirius felt, for once in his life, that he was truly at home. Nothing was missing; Sirius would treasure this perfect moment for the rest of his life. _We're a pack._


End file.
